It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
************************************************************************************
I've never been shy about sharing my feeling or letting someone know what's on my mind. I'm pretty much an open book, which carries it's own special torment at times. I realize this can be both my strength and my downfall. I also think it's important to know the difference between when to speak, and when to stay silent. As much as I try to stay true to my convictions, even I have my moments when transparency is really tough. This would be one of those times!
I want to share from my heart something that the Lord has been doing in my in my life that has lead me down a road that feels both daunting and beautifully freeing! This song describes it perfectly I think..."It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace". You know how there are defining moments in your life where you can point to that moment and say "Yeah....that changed me forever.."? I've been going through that!
As much as I would love to lay it all out & be my normal transparent self, I want to temper my enthusiasm with a good dose of wisdom. I don't want to come off as a "know-it-all", because I'm far from it! I do want to try to begin to address the changes Jon and I have been making in our Church life though. It's been tricky to field questions about where we go to Church, because...well...we are done with the institutional Churches we used to attend. So, when we run into people in the grocery store & they ask "Where are you going to Church", and we tell them we are doing "House Church"... it's hard to see their confusion, or worse...their pity. That's a huge source of frustration for me! We are neither bitter nor angry about our past experiences, in fact, I'm thankful for them because they helped me become the person I am today. We just recognized that it was time we sought the Lord in a more simple, organic, and authentic way. It's actually been more healing and positive than I ever expected, which has been such a blessing.
What I am struggling with is this lack of ability I seem to possess when I try to explain what we are doing. It's been....interesting to hear people give us their feedback (which is funny in and of itself since we never really asked for "feedback") on this issue. That's certainly the "chaos" that I'm going through right now! However, I've never once lacked the peace that has come from this decision. I guess I need to let go of this need I seem to have to "explain" myself to everyone. It's a very bad habit of mine, and I need to surrender that desire of mine to God!
We began this quest a couple of years ago because we were so tired of the "Church crap" that happened everywhere we went. It was nothing but discord and discontentment ALL the time. Call me crazy, but that hardly seemed like something that was part of God's plan or design for His Church. Churches should not be places where abuse of power, pain, suffering, harsh judgements, and hierarchical dominance is practiced. Some people would explain the overwhelming downfall in today's Churches as an "attack of the enemy", but to me it seemed like there just had to be a better way for believers to come together to experience real community (which, in my opinion, is the whole point of why we even meet together). I wanted to get real with myself and my faith & reconcile everything that I know in my head, with what I truly believed in my heart. That lead me to a time of "detox" from all the old teaching and preaching I'd heard my whole life. It's been hard to re-train myself to open the Bible and read it without automatically inserting into the text something that just isn't there, but that's the part that has been bringing me the most freedom in my walk with the Lord!
I could go on (and I probably will at another time), but that is the "nutshell" explanation that I wanted to share. Don't worry, we are still saved, we still love the Lord, and we did not join a cult! Just thought I should clarify that-ha! I will address another time more of what we have been doing, but I wanted to make this one last point very clear: We DO NOT think we know it all! We also do not want to alienate any of our friends and family that have chosen an institutional Church rather than a House Church. This is simply where God has led our family & we feel blessed to have found it! We would never require any of our cherished friends or family to do what we doing if that is not where God is leading them.
Blessings,
Amber
4 comments:
I can understand your feelings a bit. We do attend a church, but as far as schooling, we've decided to homeschool our kids. And even though that seems to be a bit more accepted than home church may, I still feel the need to explain myself and even defend myself about our choice at times. Judge not, lest ye be judged.
I think it is great that God is moving you in a new direction. So much with church changes through time and cultures, and I see our culture starting to move closer to how churches were in biblical times. I think much is lost in the "coorporation" called church. Obviously God has called our family to be in a church ministry for now and we want to be used in that capacity . . . but I think it is such an interesting conversation to have. Would love to talk to you more about it sometime.
Thanks, Amber! I was homeschooled until I was in 6th grade & my mom homeschooled my sisters until they were in 10th & 11th grade. Although, back then it was SO not mainstream to do that & it was kinda hard to explain to others where we went to "school". I guess I was just destined to do things differently ;-).
Faith!! Oh, Faith...I miss you! Let's try again for the get-together. Obviously we are both having a "lazy summer", so we should be able to do it-right? Ha ha! I think I'll be out your way next week. If you have a free day just call me or e-mail me.
Any day except for Monday works for me next week. Let's get together. I can come your way if you have naps to deal with. Wish I still did, but no such luck with Ava. ;)
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