Golden Friendships!

There's a saying "Make new friends, keep the old, one is silver, the other is gold",  and last weekend on our little vacation to Minnesota I felt every bit of those words! Jon and I have been going through some "trying" times in the friendship department & it started to feel like we were never going to make any new friends, much less keep the old ones! To say things felt "depressing" would be an understatement!

I actually spent a lot of time pouring out my heart here on my blog & when I went back and re-read those words it just seemed like I sounded whiny and "Woe is me-ish". Blah! That's not what I was trying to portray, but it probably sounded like that.  So, I stepped back from doing much blogging and instead poured myself a little more into running again (thank God for my running girlfriends that stick by me even when I quit running for months at a time!).  I love running because it gives me the space and time to just clear my head sometimes. While I was "clearing things out" of my busy head I also prayed that God would give me a fresh start  this year & maybe,  just maybe give me one opportunity connect with an old friend (or two!) to bring a little bit of hope back into the picture. 

Man, am I glad I asked God for that little blessing! I love it when God proves that He not only cares about the big things in our lives, but that the little things matter too! Shortly after asking God for an opportunity to re-connect with old friends we got that opportunity & spent a wonderful evening over at an old friends house for dinner. It felt so refreshing to spend time with people who know you & have a little "history" with you. Shortly after that little "re-connection"  we were  making our plans for our MN trip we found out that another good friend was going to be able to fly home to MN while we were there! WooHoo! Things just kept getting better! I thought those two things were pretty awesome, but it just kept getting better!  I had re-connected with my running girls, had an awesome evening spent with old friends, and found out that another good friend was going to be able to hang out with us during our trip (where we were already going to stay with old friends!) to MN! I love those kinds of happy surprises!

Then, as I was washing clothes and packing for our trip to MN I thought "Hmmm....I wonder if I should contact Kevin and Gina & see what they are up to since we will be in their neck of the woods this week". "Kevin & Gina" are old friends of Jon and I that go WAY back to the days before Jon and I were even married. They were the cool young married couple that Jon and I looked up to & hoped to be one day! ;-) They are originally from MN, but Kevin is a Dr & they spent a few short years in KC during Kevin's residency. After KC they moved to Indiana & we never got a chance to see them again. We kept in touch a little bit over the years through Christmas cards and an occasional e-mail, but they were busy, we were busy, we lived several states away...you know how it goes. However, last year Kevin and Gina moved back to MN to be closer to their family & suddenly the idea of maybe seeing them again one day didn't seem so far off!  

So, as I was packing I posted something on facebook about getting ready for our trip to MN & that's when Gina beat me to the punch! She saw me post that & sent me a quick message that said "Are you guys coming to MN?". From there we made plans to have dinner together & I laughed at all the wonderful surprises that just kept rolling in for this years trip to MN! 

We arrived in MN on Thursday evening & our fantastic friends/hosts Bob and Irene were waiting with open arms to receive our wild crew of 6 for the weekend! Everyone should have a "Bob & Irene" in their lives, because they always make you feel so special & so loved! I count them as one of the greatest blessings in our lives....and that's not an exaggeration! We come up to MN every year over Labor Day & they always go above and beyond to host our family & each year it just gets better and better! It's become one of our family's favorite traditions & I LOVE that my children will always have these years to look back on and remember with fondness. 

One little "gift" that Bob and Irene wanted to give Jon and I this year was a "date night" since they knew that was something that doesn't happen too often in our world!  Because of their sweet offer we were able to go out on a double date with Kevin and Gina on Friday night. I should mention here that Kevin and Gina have 6 children, so the fact that both of us could manage and evening away was a bit of a miracle in and of itself! So, with babysitters secured we made reservations at a fun downtown Minneapolis restaurant called "Hell's Kitchen" & embarked on our journey to re-connect! We had a lot of  catching up to do too since it had been, oh... 13 years or so since we had last seen each other! 

Once we hugged each other and sat down something amazing happened....we started talking and never stopped! There was almost no unfamiliarity  in the air even though it had been so long since we had seen each other! Our waitress stopped by our table several times to try to take our order, but it took us about an hour to even start looking at the menu! Instead, we ordered drinks and appetizers & told our poor waitress that we hadn't seen each other for 13 or so years....so we were gonna be awhile! :-)  We laughed, swapped stories about our kids, we pulled out cameras and phones to share pictures with each other, and we then we talked some more! We talked about the good stuff, the bad stuff, the happy times, the hard times, the things that have made us who we are today & and how blessed we each were for the very unique stories we have to tell.  We even went to a second restaurant for dessert since we had been at the first one so long! We closed down the second restaurant & kept talking all the way out to the parking garage! Now that's what I call a great night! When Jon and I drove away that night we both smiled & then talked about how incredible it was that we were able to just pick right back up where we had left off some 13 years ago! Now that's a golden friendship & one I KNOW I'll keep forever!

Thanks for the great memories!

First Day of School.

The two older kids went back to school August 16th! Can you believe that?!! That was way, WAY too early in my book  & I'm not ashamed to admit I was the one with a bad "back-to-school" attitude this year.  I just miss my kids so much during the school year!  The kids always enjoy getting new school supplies & clothes, so that's what gets them through those first few days.  But, me....I just pray a lot!  It's just that I enjoy summer SO much & I dread the feeling of "heaviness" that each new school year brings.  However, I tried my best to put on my positive "happy" face & tackle the first few days of the new school year with as much "go-get-em" energy as I could summon.

Here are few cute pictures of my kiddos on that first day back at school.

Cute little posers!

All set! But those bags with school supplies are HEAVY!

My sweet little 2nd & 3rd graders.

Chandler is SO stinking excited to see that brick prison school house once again.

"Uh...Mom...can we go into the school now...it's kinda bright out here?"

The cutest boy in the the whole 2nd grade!

Right after this picture he said: "So as soon as I'm done taking pictures we can go to the pool...right?"

I know...I know...she will never need mascara! So not fair!

The Fantastic Fifth Birthday!

My baby girl is no baby any longer! Miss Maya turned the big 5 back in August & it was a little bittersweet. I love 5!  My kids seem to "blossom" a little more at 5 & because of that I am able to forgive them for the 2's, and the 3's, and the "awkward-in-between" 4's when they were a little harder to love.  I call those years the "survival years", because that's what it feel like much of the time.  I'll bet if you can make it through those years with a scrap of patience remaining & a few good brain cells you just might be able to handle the teen years without losing your mind completely! Yes, in my book 5 is a great age! However, it seemed a little strange to me as I was watching Maya blow out her 5 candles on her Barbie cake that I swear just yesterday I was snuggling that cute little newborn girl in my arms . It's weird how our minds don't like to catch up with the present day sometimes! In so many ways I still think of her as my "baby", because it's still hard to grasp that time has flown by so quickly. Makes me want to go give her a few extra snuggles as she sleeps right now because I'm kinda scared I'm going to wake up and find a teenager in her bed tomorrow!

Here are a few pictures of Miss Maya Moo's BIG day!

Here Are A Few Fun Facts About Maya:

-She was my fastest & easiest labor and delivery (less than 2 hours!).

-She was born with BLACK hair...but it didn't stay that way for long.

-She can recite entire blocks of Disney movie dialogue & not miss a beat.

-She also has the lyrics to many songs fully memorized.

-She LOVES to sing & dance. She is our little "performer".

-She RARELY tells a lie. She may be my drama queen, but this little sister can tell it to you straight!

-She "loves" lots of things & "hates" very few things (with the exception of veggies!). 

-She is my curious one. 

-She is also my "risk taker" & my bold one. She fears very little & I love that about her so, so much. This quality will take her far in life!

-She knows no stranger.

-Her favorite breakfast is....pb&j or grilled cheese & applesauce!

Weekend Deals & A Update

It was a good weekend on the savings front. I'm only including the stuff I bought in my trip yesterday, because I'm lazy and I didn't want to gather up all the school supplies I bought on Friday & Saturday. We won't mention the 6 jars of Skippy PB I snagged for $3 either ;-). Anyway....it was a good shopping weekend & I continue to learn new things every time I shop. 

Here is what you are looking at:

(2) Diet Pepsi 2 liters (BOGO coupon off facebook)

(1) Doritos Snack package (free with Pepsi purchase...tear pad at CVS )

(2) Betty Crocker Warm Delights (2 x .75 cp from 8/08 paper)

(1) Air Wick iMotion room air freshener ($4.00 cp from 8/08 paper)

(3) Colgate Toothpaste (3 x cp from 8/01 paper)

(1) 9 roll Angel Soft TP

(1) 24 ct Zyrtec Liquid Gels ($4.00 cp from website)

(2) 24 ct Benadryl Products ($2 and $1 peelies from CVS)

(2) Kleenex Tissues

(2) Schick Hydro 5 razors ($5.00 cp in 8/08 paper)

(2) Schick Shaving Cream (FREE peelies on razor package!)

(1) 4 oz Bio True solution ($1.00 cp from website)

(1) Dulcolax Balance ($4.00 cp from website)

(1) Dial body wash ($1.00 cp from website)

(2) Walgreen's hand sanitizer

(2) Soft Soap hand soap (2 x .35 cp from 7/25 paper)

(4) Bic Grip pens ($1.00/2 coupon from 8/01 paper)

Like I said, I'm lazy today, so I don't feel like linking to all the coupon sites where I got the "website" coupons from. However, the girls over at Sam's Secrets & Coupon Mom will get you all the info you need if you want to save on any of the above items :-) I bought all of these items at Walgreen's and CVS. I had $10 in RR at Walgreen's to use & I still have $2 in RR left. I had $3 EB from CVS to use & I do not have any more EB's left over.  I will also get $8.97 back in rebates! My total oop was $15.65, but with the $8.97 rebate from the razor that drops my total drops down to $6.68!  Not too bad considering the sale price on the Zyrtec alone was $18.99!  In total, I got $111.89 worth of products for $6.68!!!  Oh, and I am donating several of the products you see to charity. That is one of the best perks from doing all this coupon shopping. Now I can afford to help other people out, while I continue to shop and save on items my family needs ;-).  Happy Monday, everyone! Hope you enjoy finding your own deals this week!

*In other news.....I finally got to run this weekend! It was so refreshing to get back to doing something I love. I'm doing the KC 1/2 in October, so I figured I better start getting serious about running again. 

*Miss Maya will turn 5 this week! Can't hardly believe it! Stay tuned for pictures of her birthday at the T-Rex cafe :-).

*This is the kids last week of summer vacation (sniff....sniff!). They go back to school on Monday! Can't believe my summer flew by like it did. I'm gonna miss them, but I think I'm ready to have a little more of a routine back in our life. McKenna will be in third grade & Chandler in second grade. Miss Maya missed the Kindergarten cut off by 11 days, so she will have one more year of Pre-K.  Mr. Judah never wants to go to school because he wants to be stuck like velcro to his Mommy's side until he is 10! No, really...I'm a little worried that's how it's gonna be with my little buddy! I love him so much, but he can drive me a little nutty sometimes with his clingy-ness. He is adding new words to his vocabulary every day & we think he has a bright future as a guitar tech since he routinely gets into Daddy's pedal board & "rearranges" all Daddy's guitar equipment! 

So, there you have it...a small "update" of sorts on what we are up to. Hope you are enjoying your end-of-the-summer fun & are all geared up for fall. I'm looking forward to sharing  more recipes with you in the near future, and having more "running stories" to tell. It's been a LONG time since I did those two things on here, but as soon as the kids go back to school I'll have a little more time for those kind of blog posts. Stay tuned....

Give it a try!

This is a good week for anyone who is new to the "Drug Store Deals" game to give it a try. :-)

I followed the scenario listed on "Little People Wealth" and this is what I walked away with for $3.22 oop. I also walked away with $9 in RR!

(2) Kellogg's Cereal ($1.00/2 internet printable cp or 7/25 RP)

(2) Dawn Dish Soap (.25 x2 8/01 P&G)

(1) Complete Contact Lens Solution

(1) Nature's Way ALIVE multi-vitamin ($1.00 mnf cp)

(1) Visine Eye Drops (used $2 cp from Wags Aug coupon book at front of store)

(2) Crayola 24 ct Crayons

(1) Gillette Fusion Pro-Glide Men's Razor ($4 P&G 8/01)

(1) Highlighter 6 pack

(1) 10 ct pencil pack

(2) Reeses Pieces (filler items)

*I DID NOT have the mnf coupons for the Complete Solution or the Visine coupon that the "Little People Wealth"  sugested in the Low oop scenario, but I did have a $5RR from my previous visit. I bought all these items in three separate transaction & I used the 15% friends and family coupon from facebook. Good Luck if you give this week's deal a try. :-) 

*RP = Red Plum Sunday Paper Insert
*P&G Proctor and Gamble Insert

Coupons!

Over the last month I've been trying my hand at this thing called "couponing". I've learned so much over the last couple of weeks that I thought I'd share a little of what I'm learning with you guys.  I decided to gather up everything I bought just over this weekend & add everything up to see just how much I am saving by using these coupons. I'm new to this "coupon" thing, so I was curious. Now, what kinda bums me out about this example is that I have a few "high dollar" items in there that drove up the out-of-pocket (oop for future reference) cost for me this weekend, but they were items that I bought in bulk because I got such a great deal on them this time & they earned me some pretty sweet "Extra Bucks" (we will get to what "extra bucks" are in a minute). I have not been buying things in "bulk" lately because it's usually cheaper for me to buy them in smaller quantities so that I am able to use more coupons per item to save more money. However, my diaper and wipes purchase(s) this weekend ended up helping me come out on top even though I had to pay a little more money out-of-pocket this time. I'm still learning how to do some of this, so I'm sure I'll get better at spending even less oop in the near future!

First, I'll show you everything I bought & then I'll break it all down for you. :-)

OK...Here is what you are looking at:

(1) Bottle of Downy Fabric Softener.. ($1.00 cp)

(2) Special K Protein Shake 4 packs..($1.00/2 cp)

(1) Celsius Green Tea 4 pack.............($2.00 cp + $3RR)

(1) Box of Act II Mini Bag Popcorn...(.40 cp)

(3) Gillette Pro-Fusion Men's Razor(s) ($4.00 cp + $5RR x 3 = $15RR total)

(2) Packs Of "Little Swimmers" diapers ($1.00 x 2 cp = $3EB)

(1) Box of Pamper's Cruisers Diapers.. ($2.00 cp + $10 EB)

(1) 240 ct. Pack of Huggies Baby Wipes ($2 MFR cp + $2 CVS cp. Coupon "stacking" = 2 cp for 1 item)

(1) 62 ct Box of Pampers Baby Wipes. (FREE with coupon for "buy one box  diapers get wipes free!)

(1) 2 oz. Bio True Contact Len's solution ($2.00 cp + $2.99 EB = $2 money maker)

(3) Band-Aid Brand boxes of band-aids ($3 cp + $5 EB)

(2) 4oz Colgate "Total Advanced" toothpaste ($1 and .75 cp + $2EB)

(1) Nature's Way Brand "ALIVE" multi-vitamin (no cp...but $10 RR)

(3) Papermate Brand 6-pack multi-highlighters (no cp...on sale with rewards card)

(2) 10 ct Penway #2 pencils....................(no cp...on sale with rewards card)

(2) 2ct Penway Pink Eraser sets...............(no cp...on sale with rewards card)

(2) 16 oz bags of Twizzler Brand Licorice (no cp...on sale + $2RR)

(2) Snicker's Candy Bars.........................("filler" item to use up RR)

(1) 9.9 oz Bag M&M Pretzel Candy........($1 cp + used as "filler" item)

(2) 10 pack Kit Kat "Fun Size" Candy.....(no cp...on sale...used EB to buy for free!)

(1) "Fun Size" Laffy Taffy" (.10 filler item so that 2 cp could be used for one item *Rule at Walgreen's).......

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Total Amount Paid Out-Of-Pocket for All Items  = $59.95

Total Value Of Goods Purchased  =  $176.71!

Savings Of = $116.76

Now, one of the main ways I was able to save so much money was by utilizing the "store rewards" programs offered at Walgreen's and CVS. Most (but not all) of the items I purchased were either on sale, or the store was offering "extra bucks" (CVS = EB), or "Register Rewards" (Walgreen's = RR) for those items. EB's and RR are used very much like cash when you go to purchase item's at these stores. The only difference is that you are not allowed to receive cash back from EB's and RR's, so you must use the full amount of the stated EB or RR when you go to check out. For example, if you have a RR worth $5 then you must purchase another item worth $5 or more to cover the full value of your RR (because you cannot receive cash back from these rewards). If the item you are wanting to buy with your RR only costs $4.50 then you must find a .50 "filler" item so that the full $5 RR can be used up. My last little "trick" is that I also try to combine manufacturer's coupons on almost all of the items that I purchase that offer EB's or RR's. 

 In this case, the bulk of the money that I spent out-of-pocket (oop), ended up being the purchase I made for all of the Diapers and wipes that you see in the picture. The total for that transaction was $56.33 before my coupons and EB's. I paid $37.49 oop for that transaction, and I got $15 EB's back from that transaction that allowed me to purchase more of the item's that you see above for next to nothing!

The second store I shopped at was Walgreen's & I used the same "formula" at that store by combining manufacturers coupons with items that were also offering "register rewards" (RR). The only exception I made to this "formula" was the purchase of the women's multi-vitamins. I was out of my regular vitamins & I saw that Walgreen's had these vitamins on sale for $10, & when you purchased these vitamins you also earned $10 in RR! I used the $10 in RR to purchase the Special K Protein Drinks that also earned me $5 in RR! 

I paid .15 for the "Special K Transaction" that also included some school supplies for the kids!

In all, I made 2 trips to each store (1 trip on Sat & 1 on Sunday) & divided my purchases up into separate transactions according to which transaction would earn me a specific amount of EB's or RR's to use on the following transaction. In the end I STILL walked away with $12 worth of EB's (CVS), and $5 worth of RR's (Walgreen's). I'll use those EB's and RR's later this week to either purchase grocery items we need, or to buy more items that will earn me more rewards! I don't plan on spending any more money oop though....just the EB's or RR's! Pretty sweet, huh?

This is what my receipts will look like for the rest of the week!

*I'll be posting more stuff like this on my blog from time to time to break down specific deals that everyone can go buy for next to nothing! However, if you are interested in trying your hand at the "Drug Store Game" then you'll need to start buying the Sunday paper & saving the coupon inserts from each weeks paper. The only other thing you would need to do would be to sign up for these "Rewards" programs at your local CVS and Walgreen's. Maybe next time I'll teach you about "internet printable coupons"...those three words have become very important to me!. Can't wait to share more money-saving deals with you all!

31 facts about me.

1) I hate mayonnaise...it makes me gag just to look at it!

2) My favorite fountain drink is diet Pepsi. Oh, and I like regular Coke better than regular Pepsi. I know, it doesn't really make sense but I'm OK with that.

3) I used to organize my closet by color! I even tried to coordinate the hanger color with the garment color (white hangers were used for white shirts, and so on...).  It's true! I don't have the time (or space) for that now, but I hope to be able to do that again one day. Yes, I have lofty goals for my life.

4) I hate any sort of lunch meat. Sub sandwiches are about as appealing to me as mayo!

5) I was nearly 20 years old before I flew anywhere in an airplane.

6) I still love chewy Sprees.

7) I didn't like (no...I HATED) any sort of seafood until about 5 years ago. Now I eat sushi with my husband & crave spicy grilled shrimp??? It's really a miracle if you ask me because I don't know how that happened! :-)

8) I wear a size 10 shoe. I used to be a solid 9, but 4 kids changed all that!

9)Before deciding to sign up for my first marathon I had never run further than 1 mile in my whole entire life. I was inspired to run by a video I saw on YouTube & decided I thought I could do it. I signed up for the Disney marathon & then decided I had lost my mind when it took me 2 hours to finish my first 6 mile run -hehe! To date, that was the most miserable run of my entire life!

10) I've been known to bake cookies at midnight & clean bathrooms at 1:00 am.

11) My husband tells me I can't sing, but I really don't care, I still belt out tunes at the top of my lungs when we are in the car :-). My children love this about me...I think???

12) I got the "hustle" award on my basketball team my sophomore year of high school. I think that meant "Amber can't shoot a basket to save her life...but she sure does run up and down that court a lot"-ha!

13) I know the full lyrics to songs that I don't know the name of....or what band performs that song. It's true.

14) I multi-task in just about every area of my life. It's part of the challenges I face with my ADD. This means a lot of things get started, but not always finished. Sometimes I forget how many things I'm doing at one time & end up putting things in strange places & dressing children in clothing backwards.

15) I think I have nice wrists & ugly feet.

16) I don't like scary movies.

17) I still secretly like the movies Dumb and Dumber,  Pure Luck, and Jacka$$. They make me laugh.

18) I wear yoga pants 365 days a year.

19) I love camping, canoeing, and being outdoors. I beg my husband on a weekly basis to find a job in Colorado so that I can enjoy the great outdoors more often.

20) I love watching squirrels. I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to admit that one though.

21) I can't whistle.

22) I don't feel like I can leave the house if there are dirty dishes in the sink. That's my mother's fault!

23) I recently started "couponing" and I'm pretty sure that did not tip the "nerd" scale in my favor. I'm a full-on dork now & I don't care who knows!

24) While I am a pretty good baker I cannot master the art of...chocolate chip cookies (*hangs head in shame*). I can make pies, cakes, and dozens of other cookies...just not chocolate chip cookies. It's like a cruel joke. I've tried about 10 different recipes & they never turn out right. Of all the things to be bad at why does it have to be something so simple??? This failure haunts me....

25) I hate answering the phone. It's turned into a phobia I think. I'm still not sure why this is but I'll talk to my therapist about it when I go to discuss my fear of mayo & dirty dishes.

26) My drivers license still says I weigh 125. The last time I went to renew I decided to fess up & tell the DMV gal that my weight was no longer 125. I told her my real and accurate weight & when they made my new license and handed it to me it still said...125. I take this as a sign that I need to get working on losing this "baby weight" once and for all so that my drivers license will be slightly (I laugh at the idea that I will ever be that thin again!) more accurate. I think it's God's way of reminding me what my goal weight is!

27) It is a lifelong dream of mine to be a contestant on Wipeout!

28) I think I want to start doing more mountain biking. Of course, I don't own a bike so this could be a bit challenging!

29) My favorite season is summer.

30) My favorite people in the whole wide world are my family members.

31) I think the 30's are going to be even more of an adventure than the 20's!

Cover Me.

I have had several different things I wanted to blog about, but tonight I have one specific thing on my heart that I wanted to write out while it's still fresh. It would be an understatement to say that I've been in a funk for quite some time. I seem to have this constant fuzziness that blurs my thoughts & even my feelings lately, so I was very hesitant to do much posting on my blog. However, I think I'm getting down to the bottom of my "funk" and if I'm being really honest I think it is a bit of depression mixed with a longing to see what God has for me on the other side of this seemingly endless "rough patch". Most of this is just rambling....but it's a bit cathartic for me to do this from time to time, so skip this post if you must...it's really just for me :-)

Recently I spent several weeks with a freakishly weird bacterial infection that ultimately ended in a surgery to remove my right thumb nail. During that time of illness I had a couple of tense days where I had to wait on test results that were to determine if my swollen lymph nodes, neuropathy, and elevated calcium levels were a result of an infection, or possibly a cancer (no, I didn't let my extended family in on that possibility)! Yep...that was not my most peaceful week of sleep that's for sure! Those weeks of weakness and waiting caused me to do a lot of  reflecting on my life...where I've come from...and where I'm at now. Upon doing all this "reflecting" what I ultimately discovered was that I have a lot of brokenness that I was trying to cover up with a happy smile & a good dose of avoidance. A lot of  my brokenness stemmed from disappointments & dashed dreams. Things I'd hoped would blossom into great opportunities that ended up fading into the distance. Friendships I held dear suddenly disappeared before my very eyes. Opportunities lost because of circumstance. I also realized a still had a lot of hurt and anger bubbling under my brokenness. I really thought I was done with the pain...but it surprised me when it reared it's ugly head again. I took those weeks of reflecting  to address those issues because I could see a lot of  brokenness that needed to be removed and then covered from further damage.

As I waded through a sea of emotions during those weeks of physical healing, I pondered the irony between my bandaged thumb & the condition of my heart. As I looked at the giant covering over my battered & broken thumb, I was reminded of the importance of bandages and "coverings". The whole purpose of a covering/bandage after surgery is to prevent injury or further infection from getting in while the fresh wound heals.  I thought a lot about the healing that was taking place under my bandage that week, and I knew the scars I was going to be left with were going to be quite ugly for some time, but I was SO relieved to be rid of the infection that I didn't care about the scars it left behind. Even though it was evident I was "broken" for a time I was OK with that, because what I cared more about was getting rid of the root of the pain for good! It was because of that covering over my thumb that I was protected from the pain and injury from the outside world during the most crucial time of my recovery. Without that covering I would have been in unimaginable pain during those early days.

If I'm being honest, I think I can say without a doubt that the things in my life that have caused me the most pain have often times found their way to my doorstep because I've allowed myself think that I didn't need Jesus's covering over my life. I've failed to see the significance of my faith in relation to my every day thought life (stupid...I know). I've gone weeks and months without praying about things or reading my Bible & I flip on the old "auto-pilot" switch when troubles arise. I think too much depends on ME & I fail to recognize that I have a creator that knows me better than I know myself. I've even tried to cling to friendships that were unhealthy because I reasoned that they were "all I have left". Never giving God much of a chance to reveal a new & significantly better plan for my life. I assume too quickly that "all hope is lost" when things don't happen on my timeline. When I look back on the way I have behaved in the midst of all those things that led up to my broken heart it would appear that I was functioning as though I had no hope at all. No savior that would pave a better way for me..no trust in the one thing that I profess to be the cornerstone of my life! Talk about a reality check! But, man...did I need it!

Really, the purpose for this post is for my family. Sometimes I write what I do so that when my children read this years from now they will have a little bit of insight into what I was thinking or feeling along the way. I'm learning as I go, and I want them to know that I by no means think I have it all figured out. I hope that anything I have to say right here brings them hope, or even comfort, because unfortunately they suffer and hurt right along with me sometimes too. :-(

 So here it is...my family is hurting because we have lost some of our closest friends and it hurts! What I've been telling myself is that God is clearing the path for HIS plan to take shape in my life, and HIS plan is going to be so much better than anything I could ever think of for myself. Some days that really feels comforting, other days I want to examine what is wrong with ME (again with the "auto-pilot" syndrome!) that someone I was so close to would just drop me like a bad habit overnight with no explanation. What's worse is my children are suffering with us this time, and it breaks my heart. Even if it is for our own good...even if God is moving us on to better things...it still hurts to see your children hurt!

 Chandler recently had a birthday & he wanted so badly for his little friends to come to his party, but Jon and I knew that wasn't going to happen. We finally had to tell the kids we didn't know if they were going to be able to see or play with their old friends again & that was a pretty painful conversation. They wanted answers...they wanted to know why & we felt horrible when we had to tell them honestly; "we don't know why"! I really just wanted to blame myself here so that my kids didn't have to be left with...nothing! Because the worst part of all of this is NOT KNOWING why this happened to us. It's made Jon and I examine everything about ourselves (which hasn't been altogether a bad thing!) to see if there is something we are missing: are we bad people,  are we rude,  presumptuous, obnoxious, oblivious, do we have bad breath, are we selfish, stupid, do we not watch our kids close enough, do we need to do more for our friends...be more available, did we overstay our welcome all the time, did we call too much...too little, are we offensive, ugly,  weird, inconsiderate...do we smell??? We've examined most of the possibilities & yes, even directly asked/begged for some answers, but in the end we were given nothing. So, onward we must move into our future that will (God-willing) hold another beautiful, and once again precious friendship. But, for now we wait & pray that God will place a healing covering over the wounds that are still fresh. Ultimately I know God will heal this hurt, but I am so impatient that it's hard to keep that perspective in the midst of sad little faces, and broken hearts.

One wonderful little ray of sunshine is the fact that after having processed all of my feelings I actually feel quite...free! I actually still have wonderful memories of our times spent with these friends & I wouldn't change that for anything in this world! We raised our kids together for quite some time, they were the first people we told each time we were pregnant. We spent holiday's and many birthday's together, we cried together, laughed together, and held each other up during hard times. I have picture books filled with the wonderful times we shared with them & when I look back on all of those memories I still smile because those were wonderful times. Even though I know I won't get to share those times with them any longer, I wouldn't take a second of our friendship back...not one second! When I look back, those were some of the best times of my life & I will cherish them always. I have so many wonderful memories with these friends & I'm trying to focus on that right now.  I may be powerless to change the decision they have made & the road our friendship has now taken, but that will never change the way I feel about the great times we shared together.

I've also not excluded the possibility that maybe I did do something wrong. I'm really trying hard to let go of the fact that I will never get an answer to this one! Maybe I could be a better friend next time. I know I'm certainly not perfect! Because we have nothing to go on, I took the opportunity to examine areas of my life that could use some "fine-tuning"  and noted areas of weakness and selfishness I see in myself that I need to work on to be more healthy in future friendships. Looking back I think I may have taken for granted the hospitality and generosity of our friends & not stepped up to the plate near enough. So, these days I'm making a very conscious effort to be more open and generous with my time, talents, and treasures. I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm trying to operate under the mentality that the more I am able to give of myself the more I will be blessed in return.  Nothing can replace the treasure of a close friend, and I truly pray that what the Lord has allowed to be taken away, He will surely give back 10 fold in His time!

*I LOVE this song by Bebo Norman called "Cover Me". I've spent a lot of time meditating on these words & praying that the Lord would indeed "Cover" my family while we all move forward. Now that I'm about to hit "publish post" button I realize that I'm letting the rest of the world see my  brokenness in the full light of day & while that's a little scary, it's also quite liberating. This weakness I'm feeling right now WILL be replaced with new growth & beautiful healing in the end. For now I'll let my broken heart rest under the protective covering that is my saviors love for me. Praise God for HIS covering!

Cover me, cover up my tears
Cover up this man who's covered up in fear
I need a peace of mind, I need a piece of you
TO cover all that's gone and everything that's new
You unveil me with your mercy
I want to breathe you in
You unfold me, then you hold me

Cover up my heart, cover up my soul
Cover up this world and everything I know
You cover up the sky, you cover up the sea
Cover up the mountains and every part of me
Everything single breath I breathe...cover me

I am still alive and covered up in years 

Covered up in lines as innocence appears
So give me a peace of mind, give me a piece of you
To cover all that's old with everything that's new
You unveil me with your mercy
I want to breathe you in
And you unfold me, then you hold me
 

Cover up my heart, cover up my soul
Cover up this world and everything I know
You cover up the sky, you cover up the sea
Cover up the mountains and every part of me
Everything single breath I breathe...cover me

You unveil me with your mercy
I want to breathe you in
You unfold me then you hold me

I want to shed this skin 

You unveil me with your mercy
You unfold me, then you hold me
You unbreak me, would you take me home

Chandler Turns 7!

My little boy...my BABY boy...he keeps growing up on me! OK, so he's hardly a baby, and he's not even my baby boy anymore seeing as I do actually have a baby that's a boy right now... and it's not Chandler! But, I'm a mother & my children will forever be my "babies", it doesn't matter how old they are...they will always be my BABIES! It's how I'm moving on and learning to cope with the fact that my womb will never again host another little White...I'll just call my growing children my infants forevermore. Thank you for understanding ...we can move on now. I'll see a counselor later...thank you for your concern.

So, last Saturday was  my boy's birthday & he enjoyed every moment of his big day. He went to the pool (of course!) in the early afternoon, while mama and baby Judah stayed at home to get ready for the party (poor mama couldn't swim because of the stupid thumb that was all bandaged...but that's another story!). I was feeling pretty sad because I had to miss out on the pool, but I was even more sad that I couldn't make him the Buzz Lightyear cake he had asked for (again....stupid thumb!). A lesser woman more reasonable woman would have just admitted she was defeated and ordered a cake from a bakery...but not this lunatic Mama! No! I wasn't about to force my baby to eat one of those gross, dried out, disgusting hunks of store-bought misery slathered in colored grease, or worse... flavorless "whipped topping". If I couldn't make him the Buzz Lightyear cake, then I was at least gonna make him Buzz Lightyear cupcakes...dang it! Yes....that prospect had it's challenges too, but  that's how I roll. ;-).

All in all, I think the party was a big hit & "yes" I did indeed figure out a way to make and frost 42 cupcakes without the use of my right thumb!  I even found the energy to pull things together right before all the guests arrived! WooHoo! This was not me at my best that's for sure, but all I cared about was seeing my little boy smile at the end of the day. When I finally put the finishing touches on everything, I realized everything was gonna be OK, even without the silly cake! In the end it didn't even matter because this little boy was in Toy Story HEAVEN!

And he SMILED all night because he got this:

 (Because his mom and dad are the best!)....

Oh...and this (because Grandma and Grandpa Earle love him lots!)...

And these (Because his Aunt Brandi, Uncle D, and his cousins are the coolest!)....

And this (as well as Toy Story 2!) to watch for later (Because Aunt Tricia, Uncle Jer & Zion love him too) !

Yep...he had a lot of reasons to smile all night!

His Mom didn't even say anything when all he ate for dinner was this!

And later on...this!

How could I say anything when he looked this cute all night?

"Happy Birthday", Baby! I sure do love you!

The things you never anticipate.

Back in 1996 when I was just 17 years old I had a huge crush on a cute 22 year old guy. At the time all I could think about was how much I loved being around him. I didn't think he would ever be "into" me seeing as our age difference at the time made the possibility of us ever getting together seem pretty slim. However, as you well know, we DID get together! When I found myself falling in love with Jon there were a few things I knew for sure that I loved about this man: 1) I LOVED the way he made me laugh, 2) I LOVED his bright blue eyes, 3) I LOVED his honesty & his passion for being "real" with everyone, 4) I LOVED his musical talent! I thought it was the sexiest thing in the whole world when he would sing and play his guitar for me, 5) I LOVED how he made me feel special ever time we were together. Those were the things that made me say "YES" that beautiful autumn afternoon when he purposed to me. However, what I didn't know back then was that the things that I initially fell in love with would eventually take a back seat to the reason I am still in love with this man today! :-)

Sometimes the most beautiful moments in life are the ones you never anticipate. I'll never forget the first time I saw Jonathan hold our first little newborn. I expected him to be stiff and unsure of how to handle our wee little one, but my heart melted when I woke up in my hospital bed to find my husband snuggling his little baby in the rocking chair like it was second nature to him. I sure never expected to see him dive right into fatherhood like he had been doing this his whole life, but that's just what he did! He has always been a "hands on" daddy, and from day one he was changing diapers & feeding and burping babies like nobody's business! Sure, there were lots of things that he asked me to "teach" him, but he has never tried to get out of any of the grunt work of raising our kids.Talk about sexy! Once Jonathan became a father it was like I had discovered a whole new level of love for him. Once we had kids he went from being my friend and lover to my true "companion".

I'm sure to a lot of people it seems like Jonathan don't have a whole lot in common since our interests are about as different as can be. I'm fairly sure I'll NEVER play any sort of musical instrument (other than the radio!), and I'd be willing to place bets on the highly UN-likely possibility of Jon ever running a marathon with me. But, those are just the little things in life that we admire about each other. I stand in awe of his talents, and he has told me on many occasions how proud he is of my running achievements...but those things are not the glue that bonds us. If we had to rely on what we have in common we'd have been done for a long time ago. Nope,  if I'd have to say what the #1 thing is that keeps us interested in each other I'd say it's the way we continue find new things to love about each other. 14+ years ago I had a crush on a boy with pretty blue eyes, awesome guitar talent, and a cute butt! Today I'm madly in love with a sweet guy that still has awesome guitar skills and a cute butt...but what I'm really in love with is the way he still tells me I'm beautiful every single day (yes, even after 4 babies he still tells me this!), and the way he LOVES our 4 babies more than life itself! 10+ years ago when we said our wedding vows I had NO IDEA that I'd be so in love with Jonathan for the reasons I am today, but isn't that the best part of surprises?

Happy Father's Day Jonathan! Love you!!

The Wedding Weekend!

Last weekend Jonathan and I had the RARE opportunity to spend a little time together without 4 little children in tow. Jonathan's friend from work was getting married and Jonathan sang a solo at the wedding which meant we had to attend the rehearsal on Friday & then the wedding on Saturday. The wedding was about an hour and a half away, so we thought it would be easier if the kids just spent the night at grandma and grandpa's to cut down on travel time for the weekend.

It's been a long time since Jon or I were any part of a wedding & I had forgotten about all the little details that go into such a special event. However, I have to say this was one of the most relaxed and easy going couples I have ever had the pleasure of being with. From all appearances, this bride and groom were able to do something that I think a lot of engaged couples struggle to do.....relax! The rehearsal went smoothly & the dinner afterwards was a blast! In typical fashion, my husband made an unlikely connection (sing it with me! "it's a small world after all....." ) with the bride's brother-in-law & I think a new business partnership may have been forged-LOL! It's a long story, but those two meeting made for one of the funniest moments of the night! Well, that and when Jonathan and I told the whole wedding party the story about the time Jon almost killed my parents dog when he kicked it in the head (accidentally) with a croquet ball. They all laughed hysterically when we got to the part of the story about the dog wetting himself every time he saw or heard Jon enter the room from that day on. That's a good story.....always a crowd pleaser! Hehe!

Long story short, it was a beautiful wedding weekend! It was so much fun to witness two people unite their hearts and lives in a fresh new union. I love new beginnings, new love, and fresh starts! It always gives me such a sense of hope to see that two people found love & fully embraced it because they believed in one another.  It's a beautiful thing to behold  & I have to admit it made me a little misty eyed to witness such a lovely union!

After the wedding ceremony the reception was outdoors, and even the thick humidity and mud puddles from the mornings rainstorm didn't put a damper on the fun! We ate, we drank, we danced.....oh, it's been such a long time since I danced that much! My husband isn't much for dancing, but about halfway through the night the groom's brother came and asked Jon if he could dance with me (we think he needed a "safe" dance partner because he was being followed by a decidedly "tipsy" female out on the dance floor-ha!) & then before we knew it Jon was out on the dance floor too. By the end of the night I was drenched with sweat & ready to throw myself in the swimming pool at the clubhouse, but I resisted figuring my new dress may not serve as a very good swim suit!

One the drive home Jon and kept talking about what a wonderful weekend we had just enjoyed & how we can't remember the last time we laughed that much. We actually slept in for once & had more than one conversation go uninterrupted....amazing what that will do for a couple! Now, if we could just find some more friends who are getting married......... ;-)

I LOVE old Churches! So beautiful!

David and his brother.

Jon and his new best friend! Ha!!

Beautiful reception!

Aww, the first dance. :-)

I've been thinking....

*I wrote this post MONTHS ago & for some reason felt like I shouldn't post it. BUT...I never wanted to delete it either! So, today I decided to post it in the hope that if anyone else out there ever thinks some of these things then at least you know you are not alone! ;-)


I do that sometimes... shocking, I know. I've had several weeks with all 4 kids at home all day & you know what...they are NOT driving me crazy! Not yet.....  Oh, sure the noise level has reached it's maxim potential a time or two & I hollered at them to "pipe down", but I've never felt like I was ready for my whole crew to go back to school all day. I guess I've just really missed them. How that is even possible to find such peace in my tiny, cramped home is beyond me, but it's true!  I've been soaking up their little voices all day, especially Maya's voice, it's haunts me when I sleep... I love it so much!  I also love the way they are all so different & unique in the way that they talk, play, sleep, wake, and think. How I got 4 completely different personalities & all 4 of them came from ME (and Jon...he had a little somethin' somethin' to do with the creation of this little kiddos, but I digress.) is astonishing! I can't get enough of them right now.

Maybe it's just all the syrupy nostalgia of the holidays still clinging to me because I love Christmas so much, but I'd like to think it's more than that. I'd like to think that I'm finally embracing this whole "mother of four" thing a little bit too.  To be honest I was scared to death when I found out I was having a 4th kiddo! I never felt like I managed the three that I had very well & I was sure all my senses were going to go careening off the edge of some cliff if I added one more bumpkin to the mix. Well, I think I did lose my mind there for a little bit (who am I kidding...I permanantly lost 1/2 of it!), but I'm starting to re-gain a few of the brain cells I  killed off  due to sleep-deprivation and caffeine dependence. I struggled pretty heavily in those early Judah days & what I'm finding as the blanket of foggy, groggy-ness slowly lifts is a mama that loves what she does!

 I'm not perfect & neither are my children, or my house. I don't love the messes 4 kids can create every 2.7 seconds & the 16 loads of laundry I face every week drive me nutty! However, I'm finally beginning to to let some of that go. It really doesn't matter after all!  I'll never be able to control some of those things, so I've given myself permission to let go of what I can't always control. For example: Chandler kicked his teacher at school a few weeks ago & while I was not happy with what he did,  I did not let that incident effect the way I feel about myself. I was able to say to myself; "you are still a good parent & you are doing a good job raising this kid...even though he just did something that was very wrong". It's hard to do...trust me! When our kids mess up we somehow see that as a direct reflection on US! But....that's not healthy & I refuse to take all of that on myself. When my kids argue and bicker, or make messes and don't clean them up I can't always beat myself up for that! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I've done what I needed to do to teach & instruct them otherwise, but they are no different than you and I! We mess up. We don't always do what we know we should do or could do & I believe that's a little thing called "free will"...or sometimes we could even call it "sin"-ha!  I'm a little late on this getting this memo, but I've just begun to realize that my kids are individuals! They are not little extensions of me! They are as different as night and day & that was by design. It's like God was making a point to show me, quite litterally, that my kids ARE NOT ME! No, seriously....I'm just now getting that! (*I told you I was late getting that memo!)

All this pondering also got me thinking a lot about salvation. As far as I know none of my 4 children has come to what I would call a "deep and meaningful" understanding of salvation. Oh, sure...we have told them about Jesus & how much He loves them & how He sent His one and only son to die on the cross for their sins. We read Bible stories with them, and we even let G-ma White take them to vacation Bible school every summer. We also went to traditional Churches when they were younger that taught those things in Sunday School too. But,  none of them have specifically and purposely asked deeper questions regarding salvation. You know what? I'm OK with that! I realize if I was a good Baptist I'd be fuh-reeeked out about the fact that my 4 year old is not saved yet, but I'm at peace with this for now. Jonathan and I have talked about this & we both decided that we want our children to OWN their salvation, not just adopt it from us. We don't want to force an experience on them at this young age that they may not even grasp for years to come. We want to feed and encourage them in the love of God & speak the truth to them with our words and our actions, but I'm not a big fan of "salvation by six" any longer.We want to give them the truth and let them ask the questions. Salvation is something that I take very seriously & I don't want to force my kids into it with scare tactics or undue pressure that they are somehow not "one of us" until become a believer.

 I almost feel like it's better if my children begin to really understand that they are individuals first....set apart from mom and dad....and they have the free will to embrace the truth of God's word on their own. I grew up always feeling like I just "married into" Christianity. It was the belief of "my family" therefore I just sort of fell into the mold as well. I questioned my faith the older I got because I wondered if I really believed it, or if I just mimicked what I saw everyone else around me doing and saying. Turns out I really believed it (whew!)! BUT.....it took a few good years & several fights with myself and God to realize that I didn't just adopt the faith of my parents...it was mine because I truly believed it for myself!

I realize that what I'm saying right now may sound very strange, and almost sacrilege to some of you, but it's more of a personal conviction of mine I guess. I just know I struggled tremendously with feeling like I never really chose my faith. I remember trying to "re-save" myself at several revival events growing up because I was never sure if I "really meant it" or not the first 10 times I tried my hand at the ol' sinners prayer. I just want a different experience for my children. I want them to be filled with the truth & then come to the conclusions that I never got to come to on my own because some preacher told me I was going to Hell that very night if I didn't say some "magic words" that were going to save my soul from eternal damnation! I was scared into my "conversion" . Now that I'm grown I see that I didn't truly put my faith in Christ until much later! I was probably well into my adult years before I really grasped and understood what Jesus was to me, and what He did for me.

I don't know what I'm saying here! I think I just want to put down in words what I was thinking, just in case you ever think some of these things too. Really, all I wanted to say was:  It's OK! It's OK to let your children be individuals. It's OK to let God's word sink into their little souls for YEARS before they finally grasp them for themselves. It's OK if your kids mess up...don't we all? It's OK if the little person(s) you are raising looks, acts, and thinks completely differently than you do-God probably did that on purpose too!

*Oh, and it's also OK if you are not feeling so warm and cozy about the fact that your children are probably going to spend the THIRD week in a row off of school going stir-crazy inside your home! It's also OK if you are not so excited that school was canceled today, because you were making plans for how you were going to spend your day off and now you have to wrangle your whole crew for yet another very long day spent indoors! Truth be told, I was sort of wishing my little drama queen, (Maya) was going to be able to play with her friends at preschool for 4 hours today. Oh, well.....guess we will find yet another good movie to watch while we sit on the couch snuggled under our cozy fleece Christmas snuggies! Praise God for those!

Going To The Pool...4 Little White's style!

Yesterday was our official start to summertime. The kids had a half day of school & we planned our first big pool day following their release from prison the long school year. As luck would have it the sun was shining when I picked them up from school at 11:50, but at 12:15 when everyone had put on their swimsuits the skies turned cloudy. Trying to keep things positive, we still packed up the car and headed out to the swimming hole. As we were driving it got much darker & raindrops began to hit the windshield. Once we arrived at the pool it was looking downright nasty & thunder could  be heard from off in the distance. At that point I had to make the executive decision to turn around & head back home to wait out the storm. The tears began to roll & I was feeling pretty bad that the day seemed to be taking a turn for the worse. This was not the way I wanted to kick off the summer!

Once we got home I let everyone make "indoor smores" and we popped a movie in to pass the time. About 1:45 the cloudy skies parted and full sunshine was once again shining brightly overhead!!! WooHoo!! The kids cheered and grabbed their swim gear & once again we were off for a day of fun in the sun. I think everyone was downright giddy at that point, except for Judah...we had to wake him up from his nap so we could leave...poor baby!

Now, here is what I have to say about taking a 8, 6, 4, and 1 year old to the pool by yourself....IT"S FREAKING HARD! I hope that one day my children will remember that I was giving it my best shot, but I am not an easy and relaxed mama at the pool that's for sure! The truth is, I have 4 children that are all at completely different swimming levels, and that makes taking all of them to the pool by myself a nightmare! Their abilities range from "confidant doggy paddler", to "wild thrasher of water/thinks he has 'swimming' abilities...but he really doesn't", to "don't want your help mama...I can drown on my own", to "if I so much as trip over my own pudgy toes I will sink like a rock in .7 seconds!  My challenges are many & most of the time they are downright frightening, but I press on to give my children what I know they want and need. A lesser woman might curl up in a ball & cry in the corner of her living room, but I'm stupid enough to think I can handle the challenge on my own from time to time. Most of the time things end up in complete and total chaos, but that never seems to stop me-ha! Maybe that's what I hope my kids will remember....at least I tried :-).

So, you could say that yesterday went about as well as a pool outing with 4 children could go. Chandler worked up the nerve to ride the "Rocky Mountain Avalanche" (a 35 foot open tower water slide that you ride in a tube with your friends), and after that he was feeling particularly confident I guess & ended up almost drowning on the Lily Pad obstacle course. Of course, I had no knowledge of the near drowning since I was stuck over at the baby pool with the two little ones running my jiggly cellulite thighs all over the place trying to keep them safe. After the life guard informed me of what happened while I  was no where in sight & the "incident report" was filed I turned around to find Maya crossing her legs in the kiddie pool. Off we ran to the potty, but it was too late as she had already pooped in her suit. Nice! We spent some time cleaning her up and rinsing out her suit with soap and water so we (and by "we" I mean me and Judah) could return to the pool, and once again we were off! Then, when it came time to leave we searched and searched for McKenna, but she was no where to be found! After about 30 minutes of searching we found her & she was actually mad at ME for losing HER! Ummmm........yeah, we will be working on the whole "you need to check in with Mom and let me know where you are at all times" thing. But....you get the picture I think ;-).

That's my life with 4 kids.....all.....summer....long! But, you know what? At the end of the day I still call it "fun", because somewhere in the middle of all the chaos I think we really did have fun! I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to outings with my kids I just have to accept that I am there to WORK and they are there to play. I'm convinced this whole idea of "everyone" getting to relax and enjoy themselves on family outings is purely a marketing scam that we buy into. There really is no such thing as relaxing when you go out with 4 little kids! Maybe I sound bitter, but actually I'm more resigned to that fact. It actually helps me keep things in perspective so that I don't have high hopes that get crushed when something "fun" is actually a whole lot of "work".  If I just tell myself from the get-go that something is actually going to be a lot of work then I get to be pleasantly surprised when I find myself getting to relax a little ;-).

For those of you who don't have kids and think that my description of "fun" sounds completely ridiculous... well, you are sort of right! It is kind of crazy that I have to consider a near drowning, a screaming over-tired baby, a poopy toddler in a wet swim suit, and a missing 8 year old "fun", but you would just have to be me I guess. My kids are what put the color into my dull gray life & without these 4 little ones I wouldn't have very many funny stories to tell, or near as many reasons to smile! :-) The other side to this craziness is that somewhere in the hectic pace that is my reality I realize that I am so blessed to have the life I do....and that makes it ALL worth it!