It's probably pretty evident from the snippets of my life that I choose to blog about that I've had my fair share of moments where I asked God "why?". I'd be a liar if I said I always choose to trust God first. I know that's what I SHOULD do...but honestly I struggle with always doing what I know is right. Who doesn't?
Lately, I've been tempted to come back to God and ask "why" questions again. However, something occurred to me as I was going through the motions of my every day mommy tasks the other day. A question literally just popped into my head & I even said out loud..."What if the very thing I've been resisting is really just preparation for something bigger...something better". When I was able to look at things through a different perspective I began to see to see some of the heartache in my life as something totally different...a blessing! Yes, a blessing!
After I let my heart begin to focus on something other than all the questioning, I found a great Bible Study lesson on Queen Esther. You may recognize the quote above: "For such a time as this" from the book of Esther (4:13, 14). Mordecai said to Esther: "And who knows whether you have attained royalty for such a time as this". As you may know, at this time Haman (the prime minister) had an evil plot to have all the Jews killed. The only problem with this plot was that the kings beautiful wife (Queen Esther) was a Jew!
When I read this story I'm always struck by a couple of things: First-Esther didn't really try to be become the queen. She was just doing what she was told to do. She also did not ask for anything special to be done to her to impress the king... yet he still chose her. Second- Esther was not even in a position where she had much "pull" with the king. True, she was his wife, but back in those days the king had to request her presence...which he had NOT done. Third-I see through this story that sometimes the only thing that can give us true confidence in difficult circumstances is believing that we are not alone! In order to rise above something so difficult sometimes we have to move forward not in our own strength, but in the knowledge that we are God's children. If God is for us...then who can be against us?
I LOVED this little paragraph from the Bible study I read & I wanted to share it with you. You know...just in case you are struggling with some of the same things I've been struggling with.
"You see, believers are a part of God’s great program on earth; they should be living with confidence as people of destiny. God does not want us moaning over our plight and looking for a way out. He will be honored when we claim His grace to be what He wants us to be and do what He wants us to do in our present circumstances. We must take advantage of the opportunities He has made available to us in the here and now. He may later open wider spheres of opportunity if that suits His purposes, but that is in His hands. Our responsibility is to let Him use us where we are."
The only thing I am sure of is this: I don't know why things happen the way they do, nor the reason God allows them. The only thing I do know is that perhaps God has called me to be right here, right now...for such a time as this. As a Christian, I can't see how letting my circumstances get the best of me is honoring to God. Sure, I can hurt, and I can even wonder...but sometimes I think it's just better to trust that God has all the answers, and we don't need to know all the reasons in order for Him to still be good. He is good because He's God!
****************************************************************************************************************
Side Note:
I want to take a moment here to be a little more transparent...which can be really tough when you are writing things of a personal nature on a blog where you may/may not know who your audience is. I want to be clear that when I talk about going through "difficult times" that it is not interpreted incorrectly. The truth is...it's tough to just come out and say exactly what's on my mind. So many times I'd like to do just that....but then I remind myself that I don't always know who may be reading this & what their relationship (if any) is with me. As much as I'd like to be more direct in regards to what's on my mind, wisdom sometimes tells me to "tone it down a bit".
I will tell you this: Jonathan and I have been through a lot over the last couple of years & the one thing these trying times have produced in our marriage is a level of intimacy and commitment that has changed us for the better! We've never been happier or more content in our marriage than we are right now. Often, we've had only one another to cling to when the storm clouds gathered all around us & let me tell you...THAT is character (and marriage) building at it's best my friends!
Whether it was facing tough decisions about finances, friends, or sticking together to survive raising a child with special needs, we've navigated our way through all of it together! I truly don't know where I would be without my husband...he is my rock, the real glue that keeps me together when I feel like my life is falling apart. I hate to sound all cliche' like that, but it's true!
I said all that to say "NO", the difficult times I've alluded to in the past have nothing to do with my marriage! To be honest, they have a lot to do with a conviction and a promise we made to ourselves a few years back to seek God out in new, and often unconventional ways. Choosing to make those kinds of changes in our life was huge for us because so much of our faith and our friendships were wrapped up in one package ("Church") & when we set that package down at the alter many of our cherished friendships stayed there too. It was never what we wanted to happen (or even what we thought was going to happen), but we have to trust that when God impresses something like this on your heart He will not return it void!
Personally, I feel like I'm starting to come out on the other side of this "struggle" now. I've been out of the institutional Church long enough now that I'm starting to see all the positives, and less of the negatives that come with making this kind of change. It's been the most life-giving experience for me & my family that I don't think I could ever regret it! The changes that we had to make, while painful, were part of the "birthing pains" that gave us a brand new life. How could I ever feel anything but grateful for that?
No comments:
Post a Comment