Lessons Learned From My Stupidity.

Yes...today was in fact my son's 5th birthday & he had a wonderful day. But...we will talk more about that later (I'll do a full "birthday" post after the weekend festivities wrap up).

Right now I'm going to tell on myself & come clean about my frivolous pursuit of that perfect "summer glow". Ah, yes...the suntan! Something that seems to evade me year end and year out. I'm one of the cursed few in our society that is trying to bring "milky" back, but it never seems to catch on. As hard as I try, the "white glow" just isn't something that creates much envy. People do laugh and point at me when I drop my stark white legs into a pair of shorts though. It's humiliating to say the least :-(.

Soooooo...this week I decided to try and even out a few funky "burn lines" (I say "burn" because I tend to go from red to white, and skip that whole "tan" phase) I scored while wearing my nifty halter/v-neck maternity swimsuit a few weeks ago. Oh, and then to make things worse I wore a wide strap (scoop neck) tank top last weekend while playing outside with the kids, and then I changed to a skinny strap tank top to work in the yard later that day. What I was left with was some crazy mix of tan lines (er...I mean burn lines). My markings ranged from narrow to wide, v-neck to scoop neck, and then I had a nice white strip right around the sides of neck and all the way around the back. I counted three different strap marks across my back and shoulders. Pretty!

Today I decided that it was time to even things out a bit (and maybe work on that elusive tan). I filled up the kids pool, set out my lounge chair in a sunny spot, and donned my ever-so-cute maternity suit for some quality Vitamin D enrichment in my backyard. Oh, but this time I took it a step further and tucked in the nasty halter strap on my swimsuit, and then I folded the rest of my "tankini" top into a nice little roll (think old school tube top look). You see, I've been wondering if those pesky old stretch marks from my other three kids would look less noticeable if they were just a little tan. It was late in the afternoon & I only had about an hour to sunbathe. I mean, how much sun could one gleaming white pregnant belly really soak up in just one hour? The answer...plenty!

You have probably guessed the outcome, but I'm pretty slow when it comes to this sort of thing. Probably because I'm not a seasoned sunbathing pro like so many other women my age (evidenced by my year round pallor). Apparently, if you NEVER EVER let your stomach see the light of day, then one hour is more than enough to "tan" those pesky stretch marks. Oh, and one other little side note: stretch marks don't "tan"... they burn!

Pretty much what I did today was draw even MORE attention to my stretch marked tummy by "highlighting" all it's flaws and markings. While the rest of the skin on my tummy isn't too badly burned, those stretch marks sure did soak up the sun! I'll keep you posted on how the rest of the tan lines fared, but you can be sure I won't be flaunting my perfectly tanned pregnant belly. Let's just call me stupid and be done with it...shall we? It's a good thing I don't have a Dr's appointment for a few more weeks. I can hear already hear the "skin cancer" lectures.