Maybe if I just start writing again....

...it will feel like I still have a blog! I wish I had a great explanation for my LONG absence from my blog, but I really don't. I used to think like a blogger, carry my little point and shoot camera in my purse everywhere I went, and say things like: "oh....this is going on the blog". However, I hit a rut sinkhole somewhere along the way & I just can't seem to crawl back out of it. I've certainly no shortage of tales to tell! If one thing still remains the same it's the fact that life with 4 little children is NEVER, EVER dull.


*Point-in-case;  My older son was rescued by a teenage life-guard at the pool today when he fell off the lily-pad obstacle and could not swim. To make matters worse, I had no knowledge of this until the pool manager found me some time later & explained to me what had happened so that I could sign the "incident report" that I'm pretty sure said something like "Mrs White had no idea her son almost drowned because she has more freaking children than she can safely manage on her own at the freaking pool". Yes, I am now the Mom that all the other mothers (of one and two children) shake their head in disgust at because I don't always know where all my children are at all times! Sigh.....

Since I last wrote we have had so many good times (mostly with no pictures to share...sad but true.),  and a few bad times (is it OK to admit that I hate the end of the school year more than my kids do?).  I WISH so badly that I wouldn't have lost my blogging mojo when I did, because a few weeks ago when my 4 year old stole some pants off the neighbors clothesline when she wet her pants while playing outside I knew that was a blog-worthy story that needed to be told! Maybe I'll get to that....some day.

So, here is my self-diagnosis for why I quit blogging a few months back....I'm tired! Maybe even a little burned out too. It's been really hard to admit, but I think I'm starting to be able to say it out loud..."I never bargained for baby #4 to be this tough!". At first it seemed like a cinch. He was a sweet baby, he ate, he slept, he pooped. Wash, rinse, repeat...right? Then came the "oh, this baby isn't like his siblings....he doesn't love sleep!" phase. That "phase" is still sort of on-going, only now we are too out of our minds tired to hear him most of the time. So, we just say a little prayer every night that God will protect him while we are sleeping, because we (well, let's be honest here..."I"...) have spent the last 18 months rolling my unconscious body out of bed and crawling across the hall to go take care of "his majesty's" 3 am party whims. I'd like to announce that my "baby" (who is almost 2!) is now sleeping through the night, but that isn't exactly a regular 7 nights/ week sort of thing yet. We're getting close, folks....I'll keep you posted!

I think I'm also feeling like I sort of lost my way with this whole blog thing. At first I just posted pictures of the kids. Then I expanded it a little more and included a few little bits about me, what's on my mind, things that I love, etc. After that I wrote out a few recipes, and talked a little more about my faith, and the non-sugary sweet details of my everyday life. That's where things got a little weird. You see, I rarely have people comment, so it's always hard to know if the people who are reading what a wrote are able to accurately translate what I am really feeling, or meaning to say. For instance, sometimes I think I'm posting something sarcastic/funny, but no one comments & then a week or so later my friend/neighbor/family member will say "Is everything OK??....We read your blog last week & you sounded so hurt/depressed/blah/blah/blah". Then I have all this elaborate explaining to do &  I have to reassure them that I'm just a really bad comedian. Other times I'll write something that I think is just simple, honest, and from the heart, and I'll  have a bunch of people say "wow.....I can't believe you shared that....that was really bold/brave of you" & then I kinda wonder if maybe I shouldn't be quite so honest in cyber-space. The jury is still out on that one ;-)!

So, there you have it! I'm still an over-tired, stressed out, mess of a mom, that still can't decide which direction to take her simple little family blog!  I guess I'm not much of a Wonder Woman after all!  I like to keep trying though, and that's what counts!   Oh, and my camera is on the fritz & it's taking all sorts of crappy/blurry shots (it's been dropped A LOT over the past 4 years!), so that has really done a number on my blogging enthusiasm. I mean, if I'm going to take the time to write about how I saved my baby's life when he was choking on a quarter (*life-saving CPR classes....take one!) then damn it...you need a gross picture of the dislodged quarter for your viewing pleasure! Really, the story just wouldn't have the same gusto without that image-ha!



*If anyone still reads this sad little blog...thank you! It's always fun to share stories from my chaotic little corner of the world.  ;-).