Chandler Turns 7!

My little boy...my BABY boy...he keeps growing up on me! OK, so he's hardly a baby, and he's not even my baby boy anymore seeing as I do actually have a baby that's a boy right now... and it's not Chandler! But, I'm a mother & my children will forever be my "babies", it doesn't matter how old they are...they will always be my BABIES! It's how I'm moving on and learning to cope with the fact that my womb will never again host another little White...I'll just call my growing children my infants forevermore. Thank you for understanding ...we can move on now. I'll see a counselor later...thank you for your concern.

So, last Saturday was  my boy's birthday & he enjoyed every moment of his big day. He went to the pool (of course!) in the early afternoon, while mama and baby Judah stayed at home to get ready for the party (poor mama couldn't swim because of the stupid thumb that was all bandaged...but that's another story!). I was feeling pretty sad because I had to miss out on the pool, but I was even more sad that I couldn't make him the Buzz Lightyear cake he had asked for (again....stupid thumb!). A lesser woman more reasonable woman would have just admitted she was defeated and ordered a cake from a bakery...but not this lunatic Mama! No! I wasn't about to force my baby to eat one of those gross, dried out, disgusting hunks of store-bought misery slathered in colored grease, or worse... flavorless "whipped topping". If I couldn't make him the Buzz Lightyear cake, then I was at least gonna make him Buzz Lightyear cupcakes...dang it! Yes....that prospect had it's challenges too, but  that's how I roll. ;-).

All in all, I think the party was a big hit & "yes" I did indeed figure out a way to make and frost 42 cupcakes without the use of my right thumb!  I even found the energy to pull things together right before all the guests arrived! WooHoo! This was not me at my best that's for sure, but all I cared about was seeing my little boy smile at the end of the day. When I finally put the finishing touches on everything, I realized everything was gonna be OK, even without the silly cake! In the end it didn't even matter because this little boy was in Toy Story HEAVEN!

And he SMILED all night because he got this:

 (Because his mom and dad are the best!)....

Oh...and this (because Grandma and Grandpa Earle love him lots!)...

And these (Because his Aunt Brandi, Uncle D, and his cousins are the coolest!)....

And this (as well as Toy Story 2!) to watch for later (Because Aunt Tricia, Uncle Jer & Zion love him too) !

Yep...he had a lot of reasons to smile all night!

His Mom didn't even say anything when all he ate for dinner was this!

And later on...this!

How could I say anything when he looked this cute all night?

"Happy Birthday", Baby! I sure do love you!

The things you never anticipate.

Back in 1996 when I was just 17 years old I had a huge crush on a cute 22 year old guy. At the time all I could think about was how much I loved being around him. I didn't think he would ever be "into" me seeing as our age difference at the time made the possibility of us ever getting together seem pretty slim. However, as you well know, we DID get together! When I found myself falling in love with Jon there were a few things I knew for sure that I loved about this man: 1) I LOVED the way he made me laugh, 2) I LOVED his bright blue eyes, 3) I LOVED his honesty & his passion for being "real" with everyone, 4) I LOVED his musical talent! I thought it was the sexiest thing in the whole world when he would sing and play his guitar for me, 5) I LOVED how he made me feel special ever time we were together. Those were the things that made me say "YES" that beautiful autumn afternoon when he purposed to me. However, what I didn't know back then was that the things that I initially fell in love with would eventually take a back seat to the reason I am still in love with this man today! :-)

Sometimes the most beautiful moments in life are the ones you never anticipate. I'll never forget the first time I saw Jonathan hold our first little newborn. I expected him to be stiff and unsure of how to handle our wee little one, but my heart melted when I woke up in my hospital bed to find my husband snuggling his little baby in the rocking chair like it was second nature to him. I sure never expected to see him dive right into fatherhood like he had been doing this his whole life, but that's just what he did! He has always been a "hands on" daddy, and from day one he was changing diapers & feeding and burping babies like nobody's business! Sure, there were lots of things that he asked me to "teach" him, but he has never tried to get out of any of the grunt work of raising our kids.Talk about sexy! Once Jonathan became a father it was like I had discovered a whole new level of love for him. Once we had kids he went from being my friend and lover to my true "companion".

I'm sure to a lot of people it seems like Jonathan don't have a whole lot in common since our interests are about as different as can be. I'm fairly sure I'll NEVER play any sort of musical instrument (other than the radio!), and I'd be willing to place bets on the highly UN-likely possibility of Jon ever running a marathon with me. But, those are just the little things in life that we admire about each other. I stand in awe of his talents, and he has told me on many occasions how proud he is of my running achievements...but those things are not the glue that bonds us. If we had to rely on what we have in common we'd have been done for a long time ago. Nope,  if I'd have to say what the #1 thing is that keeps us interested in each other I'd say it's the way we continue find new things to love about each other. 14+ years ago I had a crush on a boy with pretty blue eyes, awesome guitar talent, and a cute butt! Today I'm madly in love with a sweet guy that still has awesome guitar skills and a cute butt...but what I'm really in love with is the way he still tells me I'm beautiful every single day (yes, even after 4 babies he still tells me this!), and the way he LOVES our 4 babies more than life itself! 10+ years ago when we said our wedding vows I had NO IDEA that I'd be so in love with Jonathan for the reasons I am today, but isn't that the best part of surprises?

Happy Father's Day Jonathan! Love you!!

The Wedding Weekend!

Last weekend Jonathan and I had the RARE opportunity to spend a little time together without 4 little children in tow. Jonathan's friend from work was getting married and Jonathan sang a solo at the wedding which meant we had to attend the rehearsal on Friday & then the wedding on Saturday. The wedding was about an hour and a half away, so we thought it would be easier if the kids just spent the night at grandma and grandpa's to cut down on travel time for the weekend.

It's been a long time since Jon or I were any part of a wedding & I had forgotten about all the little details that go into such a special event. However, I have to say this was one of the most relaxed and easy going couples I have ever had the pleasure of being with. From all appearances, this bride and groom were able to do something that I think a lot of engaged couples struggle to do.....relax! The rehearsal went smoothly & the dinner afterwards was a blast! In typical fashion, my husband made an unlikely connection (sing it with me! "it's a small world after all....." ) with the bride's brother-in-law & I think a new business partnership may have been forged-LOL! It's a long story, but those two meeting made for one of the funniest moments of the night! Well, that and when Jonathan and I told the whole wedding party the story about the time Jon almost killed my parents dog when he kicked it in the head (accidentally) with a croquet ball. They all laughed hysterically when we got to the part of the story about the dog wetting himself every time he saw or heard Jon enter the room from that day on. That's a good story.....always a crowd pleaser! Hehe!

Long story short, it was a beautiful wedding weekend! It was so much fun to witness two people unite their hearts and lives in a fresh new union. I love new beginnings, new love, and fresh starts! It always gives me such a sense of hope to see that two people found love & fully embraced it because they believed in one another.  It's a beautiful thing to behold  & I have to admit it made me a little misty eyed to witness such a lovely union!

After the wedding ceremony the reception was outdoors, and even the thick humidity and mud puddles from the mornings rainstorm didn't put a damper on the fun! We ate, we drank, we danced.....oh, it's been such a long time since I danced that much! My husband isn't much for dancing, but about halfway through the night the groom's brother came and asked Jon if he could dance with me (we think he needed a "safe" dance partner because he was being followed by a decidedly "tipsy" female out on the dance floor-ha!) & then before we knew it Jon was out on the dance floor too. By the end of the night I was drenched with sweat & ready to throw myself in the swimming pool at the clubhouse, but I resisted figuring my new dress may not serve as a very good swim suit!

One the drive home Jon and kept talking about what a wonderful weekend we had just enjoyed & how we can't remember the last time we laughed that much. We actually slept in for once & had more than one conversation go uninterrupted....amazing what that will do for a couple! Now, if we could just find some more friends who are getting married......... ;-)

I LOVE old Churches! So beautiful!

David and his brother.

Jon and his new best friend! Ha!!

Beautiful reception!

Aww, the first dance. :-)

I've been thinking....

*I wrote this post MONTHS ago & for some reason felt like I shouldn't post it. BUT...I never wanted to delete it either! So, today I decided to post it in the hope that if anyone else out there ever thinks some of these things then at least you know you are not alone! ;-)


I do that sometimes... shocking, I know. I've had several weeks with all 4 kids at home all day & you know what...they are NOT driving me crazy! Not yet.....  Oh, sure the noise level has reached it's maxim potential a time or two & I hollered at them to "pipe down", but I've never felt like I was ready for my whole crew to go back to school all day. I guess I've just really missed them. How that is even possible to find such peace in my tiny, cramped home is beyond me, but it's true!  I've been soaking up their little voices all day, especially Maya's voice, it's haunts me when I sleep... I love it so much!  I also love the way they are all so different & unique in the way that they talk, play, sleep, wake, and think. How I got 4 completely different personalities & all 4 of them came from ME (and Jon...he had a little somethin' somethin' to do with the creation of this little kiddos, but I digress.) is astonishing! I can't get enough of them right now.

Maybe it's just all the syrupy nostalgia of the holidays still clinging to me because I love Christmas so much, but I'd like to think it's more than that. I'd like to think that I'm finally embracing this whole "mother of four" thing a little bit too.  To be honest I was scared to death when I found out I was having a 4th kiddo! I never felt like I managed the three that I had very well & I was sure all my senses were going to go careening off the edge of some cliff if I added one more bumpkin to the mix. Well, I think I did lose my mind there for a little bit (who am I kidding...I permanantly lost 1/2 of it!), but I'm starting to re-gain a few of the brain cells I  killed off  due to sleep-deprivation and caffeine dependence. I struggled pretty heavily in those early Judah days & what I'm finding as the blanket of foggy, groggy-ness slowly lifts is a mama that loves what she does!

 I'm not perfect & neither are my children, or my house. I don't love the messes 4 kids can create every 2.7 seconds & the 16 loads of laundry I face every week drive me nutty! However, I'm finally beginning to to let some of that go. It really doesn't matter after all!  I'll never be able to control some of those things, so I've given myself permission to let go of what I can't always control. For example: Chandler kicked his teacher at school a few weeks ago & while I was not happy with what he did,  I did not let that incident effect the way I feel about myself. I was able to say to myself; "you are still a good parent & you are doing a good job raising this kid...even though he just did something that was very wrong". It's hard to do...trust me! When our kids mess up we somehow see that as a direct reflection on US! But....that's not healthy & I refuse to take all of that on myself. When my kids argue and bicker, or make messes and don't clean them up I can't always beat myself up for that! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I've done what I needed to do to teach & instruct them otherwise, but they are no different than you and I! We mess up. We don't always do what we know we should do or could do & I believe that's a little thing called "free will"...or sometimes we could even call it "sin"-ha!  I'm a little late on this getting this memo, but I've just begun to realize that my kids are individuals! They are not little extensions of me! They are as different as night and day & that was by design. It's like God was making a point to show me, quite litterally, that my kids ARE NOT ME! No, seriously....I'm just now getting that! (*I told you I was late getting that memo!)

All this pondering also got me thinking a lot about salvation. As far as I know none of my 4 children has come to what I would call a "deep and meaningful" understanding of salvation. Oh, sure...we have told them about Jesus & how much He loves them & how He sent His one and only son to die on the cross for their sins. We read Bible stories with them, and we even let G-ma White take them to vacation Bible school every summer. We also went to traditional Churches when they were younger that taught those things in Sunday School too. But,  none of them have specifically and purposely asked deeper questions regarding salvation. You know what? I'm OK with that! I realize if I was a good Baptist I'd be fuh-reeeked out about the fact that my 4 year old is not saved yet, but I'm at peace with this for now. Jonathan and I have talked about this & we both decided that we want our children to OWN their salvation, not just adopt it from us. We don't want to force an experience on them at this young age that they may not even grasp for years to come. We want to feed and encourage them in the love of God & speak the truth to them with our words and our actions, but I'm not a big fan of "salvation by six" any longer.We want to give them the truth and let them ask the questions. Salvation is something that I take very seriously & I don't want to force my kids into it with scare tactics or undue pressure that they are somehow not "one of us" until become a believer.

 I almost feel like it's better if my children begin to really understand that they are individuals first....set apart from mom and dad....and they have the free will to embrace the truth of God's word on their own. I grew up always feeling like I just "married into" Christianity. It was the belief of "my family" therefore I just sort of fell into the mold as well. I questioned my faith the older I got because I wondered if I really believed it, or if I just mimicked what I saw everyone else around me doing and saying. Turns out I really believed it (whew!)! BUT.....it took a few good years & several fights with myself and God to realize that I didn't just adopt the faith of my parents...it was mine because I truly believed it for myself!

I realize that what I'm saying right now may sound very strange, and almost sacrilege to some of you, but it's more of a personal conviction of mine I guess. I just know I struggled tremendously with feeling like I never really chose my faith. I remember trying to "re-save" myself at several revival events growing up because I was never sure if I "really meant it" or not the first 10 times I tried my hand at the ol' sinners prayer. I just want a different experience for my children. I want them to be filled with the truth & then come to the conclusions that I never got to come to on my own because some preacher told me I was going to Hell that very night if I didn't say some "magic words" that were going to save my soul from eternal damnation! I was scared into my "conversion" . Now that I'm grown I see that I didn't truly put my faith in Christ until much later! I was probably well into my adult years before I really grasped and understood what Jesus was to me, and what He did for me.

I don't know what I'm saying here! I think I just want to put down in words what I was thinking, just in case you ever think some of these things too. Really, all I wanted to say was:  It's OK! It's OK to let your children be individuals. It's OK to let God's word sink into their little souls for YEARS before they finally grasp them for themselves. It's OK if your kids mess up...don't we all? It's OK if the little person(s) you are raising looks, acts, and thinks completely differently than you do-God probably did that on purpose too!

*Oh, and it's also OK if you are not feeling so warm and cozy about the fact that your children are probably going to spend the THIRD week in a row off of school going stir-crazy inside your home! It's also OK if you are not so excited that school was canceled today, because you were making plans for how you were going to spend your day off and now you have to wrangle your whole crew for yet another very long day spent indoors! Truth be told, I was sort of wishing my little drama queen, (Maya) was going to be able to play with her friends at preschool for 4 hours today. Oh, well.....guess we will find yet another good movie to watch while we sit on the couch snuggled under our cozy fleece Christmas snuggies! Praise God for those!

Going To The Pool...4 Little White's style!

Yesterday was our official start to summertime. The kids had a half day of school & we planned our first big pool day following their release from prison the long school year. As luck would have it the sun was shining when I picked them up from school at 11:50, but at 12:15 when everyone had put on their swimsuits the skies turned cloudy. Trying to keep things positive, we still packed up the car and headed out to the swimming hole. As we were driving it got much darker & raindrops began to hit the windshield. Once we arrived at the pool it was looking downright nasty & thunder could  be heard from off in the distance. At that point I had to make the executive decision to turn around & head back home to wait out the storm. The tears began to roll & I was feeling pretty bad that the day seemed to be taking a turn for the worse. This was not the way I wanted to kick off the summer!

Once we got home I let everyone make "indoor smores" and we popped a movie in to pass the time. About 1:45 the cloudy skies parted and full sunshine was once again shining brightly overhead!!! WooHoo!! The kids cheered and grabbed their swim gear & once again we were off for a day of fun in the sun. I think everyone was downright giddy at that point, except for Judah...we had to wake him up from his nap so we could leave...poor baby!

Now, here is what I have to say about taking a 8, 6, 4, and 1 year old to the pool by yourself....IT"S FREAKING HARD! I hope that one day my children will remember that I was giving it my best shot, but I am not an easy and relaxed mama at the pool that's for sure! The truth is, I have 4 children that are all at completely different swimming levels, and that makes taking all of them to the pool by myself a nightmare! Their abilities range from "confidant doggy paddler", to "wild thrasher of water/thinks he has 'swimming' abilities...but he really doesn't", to "don't want your help mama...I can drown on my own", to "if I so much as trip over my own pudgy toes I will sink like a rock in .7 seconds!  My challenges are many & most of the time they are downright frightening, but I press on to give my children what I know they want and need. A lesser woman might curl up in a ball & cry in the corner of her living room, but I'm stupid enough to think I can handle the challenge on my own from time to time. Most of the time things end up in complete and total chaos, but that never seems to stop me-ha! Maybe that's what I hope my kids will remember....at least I tried :-).

So, you could say that yesterday went about as well as a pool outing with 4 children could go. Chandler worked up the nerve to ride the "Rocky Mountain Avalanche" (a 35 foot open tower water slide that you ride in a tube with your friends), and after that he was feeling particularly confident I guess & ended up almost drowning on the Lily Pad obstacle course. Of course, I had no knowledge of the near drowning since I was stuck over at the baby pool with the two little ones running my jiggly cellulite thighs all over the place trying to keep them safe. After the life guard informed me of what happened while I  was no where in sight & the "incident report" was filed I turned around to find Maya crossing her legs in the kiddie pool. Off we ran to the potty, but it was too late as she had already pooped in her suit. Nice! We spent some time cleaning her up and rinsing out her suit with soap and water so we (and by "we" I mean me and Judah) could return to the pool, and once again we were off! Then, when it came time to leave we searched and searched for McKenna, but she was no where to be found! After about 30 minutes of searching we found her & she was actually mad at ME for losing HER! Ummmm........yeah, we will be working on the whole "you need to check in with Mom and let me know where you are at all times" thing. But....you get the picture I think ;-).

That's my life with 4 kids.....all.....summer....long! But, you know what? At the end of the day I still call it "fun", because somewhere in the middle of all the chaos I think we really did have fun! I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to outings with my kids I just have to accept that I am there to WORK and they are there to play. I'm convinced this whole idea of "everyone" getting to relax and enjoy themselves on family outings is purely a marketing scam that we buy into. There really is no such thing as relaxing when you go out with 4 little kids! Maybe I sound bitter, but actually I'm more resigned to that fact. It actually helps me keep things in perspective so that I don't have high hopes that get crushed when something "fun" is actually a whole lot of "work".  If I just tell myself from the get-go that something is actually going to be a lot of work then I get to be pleasantly surprised when I find myself getting to relax a little ;-).

For those of you who don't have kids and think that my description of "fun" sounds completely ridiculous... well, you are sort of right! It is kind of crazy that I have to consider a near drowning, a screaming over-tired baby, a poopy toddler in a wet swim suit, and a missing 8 year old "fun", but you would just have to be me I guess. My kids are what put the color into my dull gray life & without these 4 little ones I wouldn't have very many funny stories to tell, or near as many reasons to smile! :-) The other side to this craziness is that somewhere in the hectic pace that is my reality I realize that I am so blessed to have the life I do....and that makes it ALL worth it!

Maybe if I just start writing again....

...it will feel like I still have a blog! I wish I had a great explanation for my LONG absence from my blog, but I really don't. I used to think like a blogger, carry my little point and shoot camera in my purse everywhere I went, and say things like: "oh....this is going on the blog". However, I hit a rut sinkhole somewhere along the way & I just can't seem to crawl back out of it. I've certainly no shortage of tales to tell! If one thing still remains the same it's the fact that life with 4 little children is NEVER, EVER dull.


*Point-in-case;  My older son was rescued by a teenage life-guard at the pool today when he fell off the lily-pad obstacle and could not swim. To make matters worse, I had no knowledge of this until the pool manager found me some time later & explained to me what had happened so that I could sign the "incident report" that I'm pretty sure said something like "Mrs White had no idea her son almost drowned because she has more freaking children than she can safely manage on her own at the freaking pool". Yes, I am now the Mom that all the other mothers (of one and two children) shake their head in disgust at because I don't always know where all my children are at all times! Sigh.....

Since I last wrote we have had so many good times (mostly with no pictures to share...sad but true.),  and a few bad times (is it OK to admit that I hate the end of the school year more than my kids do?).  I WISH so badly that I wouldn't have lost my blogging mojo when I did, because a few weeks ago when my 4 year old stole some pants off the neighbors clothesline when she wet her pants while playing outside I knew that was a blog-worthy story that needed to be told! Maybe I'll get to that....some day.

So, here is my self-diagnosis for why I quit blogging a few months back....I'm tired! Maybe even a little burned out too. It's been really hard to admit, but I think I'm starting to be able to say it out loud..."I never bargained for baby #4 to be this tough!". At first it seemed like a cinch. He was a sweet baby, he ate, he slept, he pooped. Wash, rinse, repeat...right? Then came the "oh, this baby isn't like his siblings....he doesn't love sleep!" phase. That "phase" is still sort of on-going, only now we are too out of our minds tired to hear him most of the time. So, we just say a little prayer every night that God will protect him while we are sleeping, because we (well, let's be honest here..."I"...) have spent the last 18 months rolling my unconscious body out of bed and crawling across the hall to go take care of "his majesty's" 3 am party whims. I'd like to announce that my "baby" (who is almost 2!) is now sleeping through the night, but that isn't exactly a regular 7 nights/ week sort of thing yet. We're getting close, folks....I'll keep you posted!

I think I'm also feeling like I sort of lost my way with this whole blog thing. At first I just posted pictures of the kids. Then I expanded it a little more and included a few little bits about me, what's on my mind, things that I love, etc. After that I wrote out a few recipes, and talked a little more about my faith, and the non-sugary sweet details of my everyday life. That's where things got a little weird. You see, I rarely have people comment, so it's always hard to know if the people who are reading what a wrote are able to accurately translate what I am really feeling, or meaning to say. For instance, sometimes I think I'm posting something sarcastic/funny, but no one comments & then a week or so later my friend/neighbor/family member will say "Is everything OK??....We read your blog last week & you sounded so hurt/depressed/blah/blah/blah". Then I have all this elaborate explaining to do &  I have to reassure them that I'm just a really bad comedian. Other times I'll write something that I think is just simple, honest, and from the heart, and I'll  have a bunch of people say "wow.....I can't believe you shared that....that was really bold/brave of you" & then I kinda wonder if maybe I shouldn't be quite so honest in cyber-space. The jury is still out on that one ;-)!

So, there you have it! I'm still an over-tired, stressed out, mess of a mom, that still can't decide which direction to take her simple little family blog!  I guess I'm not much of a Wonder Woman after all!  I like to keep trying though, and that's what counts!   Oh, and my camera is on the fritz & it's taking all sorts of crappy/blurry shots (it's been dropped A LOT over the past 4 years!), so that has really done a number on my blogging enthusiasm. I mean, if I'm going to take the time to write about how I saved my baby's life when he was choking on a quarter (*life-saving CPR classes....take one!) then damn it...you need a gross picture of the dislodged quarter for your viewing pleasure! Really, the story just wouldn't have the same gusto without that image-ha!



*If anyone still reads this sad little blog...thank you! It's always fun to share stories from my chaotic little corner of the world.  ;-).