I've had several random thought swirling through my mind the last couple of days, so I thought I'd write about them on my blog. I've kinda gotten away from that lately, and I think every once in a while I need to just "spill" stuff here.
One of the biggest things on my mind lately is how slow my life seems right now. My calendar is bare, my schedule basically goes like this: Wake up...feed kids...take kids to school....clean...feed....clean....feed.....feed...clean....pick kids up....cook...clean....go to bed around 1:00 am. Rinse, wash, repeat. Now, this is my fourth child, so I know that these are just the slow and sleepless "newborn days", and life and all it's wonderful chaos will pick up again soon. However, it's in these moments of quiet, these still and uneventful days that I find surprising clarity. It's funny how when you let yourself slow down you start seeing things in a much different light.
One thing that has struck me lately is our need to keep busy. Everyone around me is working two jobs, taking their kids to 10 different sports, involved in the PTA, Church groups, city council boards, charity groups, "awareness" groups, advocacy groups, and the list goes on and on. We are too busy to see life passing us by. Too busy to sit down and eat a meal together. Too busy to notice that life is sometimes too short...and then it's over. It's morbid...I know, but I can't stop wondering why everyone wants to be so busy. Why are we so afraid to slow down sometimes?
I AM NOT saying it's wrong to be involved in your Church, school, community, etc. I have done, and will do, those things again in the future. In fact, I believe it's very important to be involved in your community and to always find a way to give back to others. I'm not saying we should never take time to do any of those things, but I do wonder why we feel like we have to do everything at the same time.
Is it just my generation? It seems like my generation has a hard time being patient for the next step in their lives, so we try to push things forward. We want the big house our parents have (even though our parents are 25-30 years older than us), so we borrow more than we should, work two jobs to pay for it, feel guilty about working two jobs so we find activities to keep the kids busy while we work. We are overspent, overstretched, and way too obsessed with having it all. We don't just want what are parents have, we want more of it, and we want it to be better. How many times have you heard someone say "I just want my kids to have more than I had"?
In my late night pondering, I've wondered what kind of message we are really sending to our children. Do I want more for my kids than what I had? Sure! But, there is also a big part of me that wants my children to understand that "having it all" doesn't make you happy. Happiness is so much a state of mind. As I write this sentence I am sitting at my messy, cheap, Wal-Mart computer desk, in my teensy little home with barely enough room for my expanding family, but I can say with all my heart that I am happy. My kids don't play any sports, take music lessons, or have one single extra-curricular activity, but I believe they are happy too.
In the slowness of these toddler days I'm defining what I want my future to look like & I want to remember this blog post 5 years from now when life is much more busy than it is right now. I never want my life to be defined by how full my calendar is, but rather by how full my heart is. I want to remember to only dedicate myself to those things that are life-giving, and that bring joy. If you don't love it...don't do it. That's my motto at least.
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So, I guess you could say that's my "New Year's resolution"...to dedicate myself to the things that bring me and my family true happiness and fulfillment.
These boring ramblings were brought to you by Amber.
Some other very random things that have been on my mind:
-What's up with everyone painting their finger nails dark gothy colors? It wasn't pretty in the early 90's, and guess what...it still isn't!
-Is anyone else tired of the word "green" or "footprint"....because I am! I'm making a vow to go burn some tires in my backyard very soon because I'm so sick of hearing those words.
-Why is everyone so addicted to texting? Are we that afraid of human contact, that we can't talk to people anymore so we have to text them?
-Am I the last person on the planet to NOT have a "texting plan" on my cell phone?
-Does anyone else feel the urge to eat a big ol' salad while watching "The Biggest Loser"? I think that show is going to spur some sort of "Healthy Dinner Tuesday's" at many local eatery's. I know that it's going to be water and carrot sticks for me every Tuesday from now on.
*It's 1:00 am now...time for bed.
-Peace
4 comments:
Amber that was the most amazing blog ever. You are so right about all of those things. We do rush life too much. I have told my husband so many times how much I have loved going to your house the two times I have. That it is the most welcoming, relaxed home I have ever been in. Filled with love and happy kids! It truly is. I have found in the last 6 months that we have done just what you mentioned. Always had a big -new home and where has it gotten us? IN DEBT ! It didn't teach our childen anything...nor did it teach us anything until now...And we are in our 40's !! Thanks for posting your "random" thoughts. Andfor opening my eyes to "life" once again! Love ya!
Jodi
Very well said, Amber! I nodded throughout your post and could really relate to all that. I'm with you on really limiting all that extra curricular stuff for kids and I have sometimes been made to feel guilty for doing that. Like I'm a bad Mom for now giving my kids more "opportunities". I agree that we just need to slow down and create spaces in our lives to listen and learn and grow. Noisy lives don't allow that.
I eat popcorn every Biggest Loser night! Sometimes I add extra salt - hee hee. Tom and I have agreed to have a weigh in on Tuesdays nights....we'll see how long that lasts. :)
Jodi-
Your reply made me cry when I read it! I'm so glad you think my home is welcoming, because more often then not I feel like my home is just utter chaos! Oh, and I'm not so sure I'm all that "wise" since we are digging our way out of our own debt & we don't even have anything to show for all our debt (except for how stupid we were for getting into this mess). Life is all about making choices and learning from them. 40 is NOT old! We all make mistakes & the only way we improve our life is to learn from those experiences & move on. My parents are in their 60's now & they are still learning tough life lessons & passing on that wisdom to me. Just because your kids are gone from home doesn't mean they have quit looking to you for advice. The steps you are taking now to get out of debt & move forward are a wonderful example to you kids.
You also have one of the most tender, sincere hearts I have ever known, and believe me....your children see that in you too!
-Love ya!
Karen-
Well, if your a "mean" mom then I'm the world's worst mom ever! See, the thing is, I know there will come a day when my kids want to do more activities & I'm fine with that...as long as it's something they really love. This whole idea that we must "expose" our kids to every possible sport and creative arts experience under the sun by the time they are 5 years old is what gets me. Why the heck does my 3 year old need to be on a soccer league? Why would I want to drive my seven year old to 3 or 4 different extra curricular activities each week. To me, that just seems to perpetuate the the idea that being "busy" is normal...and it's not! Being busy 100% of the time is what breaks down communication in families and tears people apart. If you never have time to re-connect then you never "connect". Before you know it you've been married for 20 years and there is nothing there between you and your husband when the kids are gone from home. You can spend your whole life "doing", but never really living & loving. Ya, know? I know I'm on a soap box here, and you are the last person who needs to here this because your a "mean" mom like me ;-). I'm just very concerned for my children & their generation. I fear they will grow up not knowing how to think for themselves, how to have real relationships, and how to have peace just living a simple life without all the crap the world tells us we "need" to be happy.
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