Last year I did an incredible Bible Study by Beth Moore called "The Patriarchs". Obviously this study was focused primarily on the lives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. However, if any of you have ever done a Beth Moore study then you know that your study is going to take you from Genesis to Revelation & then back again!
Without sounding like I "worship" Beth Moore, I'll just say this is a woman who is truly anointed by God. NEVER.... EVER have I gotten so much out of a Bible Study. If someone had told me 5 years ago that I would be EXCITED to study the genealogy of Abraham, much less to be forever changed by reading 49 chapters of Genesis, I probably would have laughed out loud. But, that was before this study!
During this study I began to see God as a personal God....my God....my savior. It sounds a little strange to say that since I grew up in a Christian home, with wonderful, godly parents. Maybe it was because of my "safe" upbringing that I didn't really try to "own" my faith. I just sort of accepted the faith of my family.
Fast-forward to last year. I was (and still am to some degree) really wrestling with what I truly believe. Who is God to ME. What does my faith mean to ME. This may sound silly, or even selfish, but I was searching for something that made God seem real to me. I'd spent SO MUCH of my life listening to my parents and Sunday school teachers tell me who God was, that I don't think I ever stopped to figure that out for myself.
Two weeks into the Patriarchs study we were Studying the life of Hagar. Now, Hagar doesn't exactly hold the most coveted role among women in the Bible, but her story touched me deeply. Hagar was Sarai's maidservant, who Sarai gave to Abraham to have a child with. When Hagar became pregnant she despised Sarai (wouldn't you?) and Sarai mistreated her. It didn't take long for Hagar to get tired of being mistreated & she fled from Sarai. Can you imagine that? Really? First of all, you are given a lowly position of being someones "maidservant", then you are "given" to this chicks husband to have a baby with. Once you get pregnant... you are expected to be happy about it, and willingly give this child up to a woman who is treating you badly! Does that even seem fair?
Yet, God...the LORD (the I AM...the covenant God... Yahweh) God saw Hagar. In all her shame and hurt, while she was traveling all by herself back to Egypt, God looked down on her and chose HER to reveal himself to. The LORD sought her out. God was looking for Hagar! In the midst of Hagar's greatest time of loneliness and pain, in her humiliation, HE...GOD found Hagar (Genesis 16:7-15)! Isn't God amazing?
What's more touching about this story (to me at least) is the name Hagar gave to God after she encountered him there in the middle of the desert. She gave God the name "El Roi" which means "The God who sees me". The first time I read Genesis 16:13 (where Hagar gives God this name) I wept for a long time. Why? Because, who doesn't want to feel "seen" or "known"? I believe it's a basic human instinct to want to be known and understood...to be seen. I LOVE that God chose Hagar to reveal himself to, because that shows me that God sees me too. Who am I that God should see me?
Hagar's story gave me a new perspective on who God is. My whole life it made perfect sense to me that God would reveal himself to biblical characters such as Abraham, Jacob, and Moses. But, me....NO WAY! God would never do that for me...right? I never saw myself as "worthy" of God's attention in that way. I always thought that I was the one who had to seek God out & hope that I was worthy enough to be given a "morsel". In my mind I was never "good enough" to be given great things to, or "bad enough" to be saved in a miraculous way! I think I saw myself as invisible to God. I thought of myself as "nothing special" to be sought after.
God broke my heart when I read Hagar's story. I was Hagar! I was not really searching for God because I didn't think I was "good enough" to hear from God. I knew I had made mistakes, I knew I had some wrong thinking, and I was sure God had better stories to tell than my story. I just didn't see God as a God who sought after people like me. I can say for certain that God spoke to me that day in a very real way. He allowed me to see myself as "worthy" of being sought after by the almighty God. If he cared about a girl like Hagar enough to seek her out in the desert & reveal himself to her...then maybe he could do the same for me.
Beth Moore had a quote in that days lesson that said: "We are not an afterthought to God. We are the point of His involvement with this planet. He does not just tolerate us, He pursues us.". Amen!
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She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said "I have now seen the One who sees me."
Genesis 16:13
9 comments:
Simply put...I love you Amber..seriously!! I am so blessed to have such a great friend with such great insight. I'm praying for you during this "seeking" process and I'm super excited to were God is leading you- isn't it nice to know that HE is the one leading! Thanks for sharing you heart and being so transparent...you really are amazing!!
michaela
Well said, Sister White!! I loved that part of the study and think back on it often. I remember how this touched you and really ministered to you at that time. Thanks for sharing it again and for helping me remember that he does care so much about where I am and he does seek me out. Amazing Grace!!
Hey, Karen and Michaela!
My faithful little blog readers :-)
Thanks for reading all that! Every once in a while I feel like I need to offer my blog readers something other than pictures of the kids-LOL!
Hope I don't sound like I'm doing too much deep introspective searching, because that's not really what's going on. I've really always thought a little "left of center", but I'd been taught not to share that with others because it was never, um...."well received". However, the closer I get to my "30's" I'm beginning to embrace this mind God gave me :-).
I don't like thinking or doing something "just because that's what everbody else does/thinks". Or better yet, "because of what someone else might think"...(screw what other people think...I want to know what GOD thinks). What kind of existance would that be? That's just not me. I don't really have to tell the two of you that though-LOL! I enjoy being "me". I know that I take a risk when I share my heart, but I just wouldn't be happy with myself if I wasn't being honest and transparent.
Thank you for loving me....all the time. God has been so good to me by sending me friends like you two!
That is awesome Amber, thank you for sharing your heart. I love Beth Moore and could listen to her all day, she inspires me. I heard her speak on Hagar in another study I did, I can't remember which one-- maybe Breaking Free? Anyway, it was very meaningful to me, as well. God is taking me through a time of discovering Him in an unfiltered way so I can relate to a lot of what you said. I will drop you an email . . . Love ya.
Amber, I totally found your blog by accident...by reading along in Jessi Ramsey's blog and seeing you had left a comment there. And, I want you to know how much your blog has encouraged me and moved me as I've read over the last several entries. You rock, girl!! I don't know if you even remember be...used to be Cara Burchett in Icthus at SMSU...anyway, I know this is such the random comment! But, I want you to know that I am reading along and I am inspired!! Especially as I've recently gotten married and had our first baby and entering a whole new stage in life. --Cara
Faith-
Thank you :-) In the midst of raising three little kids I hardly ever get to sit through a whole sermon on Sunday. I've had to find other ways to get "fed" & when I discovered Beth Moore I was hooked. I can't always get all of the "homework" done, but just the videos alone are such an encouragement.
*I'd love to chat with you more. Please...drop me an e-mail :-)
CARA!!!
Hey, chick! How are you?? Sara Beanie told me you got married and had a baby (how old is your baby?). That is so exciting! Please keep checking out my blog. I love the internet! How else could we connect in such random way-LOL!
I accidentally found Jessi's blog the same way :-). I was reading someone else's blog and saw the name "Jessi" in the comments & it just sounded like something Jessi would say. Sure enough it was her. Ironically the first time I read her blog she was in Korea visiting April....talk about random!
Amber -
You are amazing! I loved reading your blog today! You inspire me!! I am so lucky to have gotten to know you! I feel as though I need to do some searching myself. I would love to know more about Beth Moore!!
Hey, Jodi!
I'm glad I could encourage you :-)
I first heard about Beth Moore a few years ago when I did another one of her Bible studies called "Believing God". I loved that study so much that I started looking for more of her stuff. She has written several books, and a bunch of different Bible studies.
I have only done 3 of her studies, but each one has been fantastic & I've always learned a lot.
*I'll e-mail you later about St. Louis....
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