On January 29th Jonathan and I celebrated our 9th anniversary & I wrote down my thoughts on what "love" means to me. At first, I thought I would just save it for myself for my kids to read someday, but then I thought...what the heck... I might as well post it here too. So, here it is, my thoughts on "real love" for all the world to read.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It’s hard to say just how to judge when one “falls in love”. As for me, I’m really not sure that I ever really “fell”. Not romantic? Maybe…but I think my reality is far more romantic than those syrupy-sweet tales of “love at first sight”.
I met Jonathan when I was 16 years old & he was 21. For a young girl it’s almost scandalous to think that you could go after a 21 year old guy, but that’s just what I did! Yes…for the record, I pursued Jonathan! I’ve always been they type not to let anyone tell me what I “could” or “should” do, so it should come as no surprise that it didn't bother me too much when eyebrows were raised at the very idea of the two of us dating. Most of my life that particular aspect of my personality has gotten me into a lot of trouble, but when it came to the choice of my first “real” boyfriend it paid off in a big way
You could say that I “fell in love” with Jonathan’s good looks, or his incredible musical talent, or the way he makes everyone around him laugh and feel at ease. He was everything that I was NOT…and I loved that about him. When we decided to start dating I was 17 and he was 22. By most people’s standards that was still a bit too much of an age difference to feel comfortable with. So, we kind of kept to ourselves most of the time. I didn’t fit in with his crowd of college-aged friends, and he didn’t fit in with the high school crowd. We went to the movies, to coffee houses to listen to live music, out to eat, to parks, and sporting events, and every so often we would find a group that felt comfortable enough to "let us in". Slowly, people began to get used to the idea of a younger girl dating an “older” guy & our dating relationship began to “blossom”.
We had MANY ups and downs in our 4 years of dating & it was during those years that I began to understand that love is really more of a choice than a feeling. However, if I dared to voice this new reality my girlfriends they would worry about the validity of my "true love" for Jonathan. It didn't take long for me to feel like the outsider, both in my choice of guys and in my understanding of the definition of "love".
Like any normal relationship that spans the test of time, it took a lot of hard work for us to keep or relationship going. By the time I was 20 years old we were married & facing even bigger obstacles. A miscarriage 6 months into our new union was the first real “test” we faced & I was never more thankful for such a caring, sweet husband. Then there was the birth of our fist daughter, a new home, a job layoff, a second baby, an even more demanding job, a third baby, another stressful job, unmet expectations, unrealized dreams, and then the moment that I finally realized that “love” is more of what you make of it than what you take from it.
That’s right…love is a choice! I realized about 7 years into my marriage that this thing called LOVE is really something that we choose to do, not something that just happens by accident. Most of the world will have you believe that love really happens when all the planets are perfectly aligned and you meet your one true love for the very first time in some destiny-rich tale of two world colliding in perfect unity. I never really bought into that Disney-esque brand of romance, so I can't say I was disappointed when that was not the story I had to tell. I realized early on that the more you give to your partner the more they become what you need, and not the other way around.
To me, real love is found when you are face down on the ground crying your eyes out over a lost baby, a lost job, or a lost friend, and you are met right there on the ground with someone who will share in those tears with you. Real love will hurt you, disappoint you, wound you, thrill you, heal you, and even surprise you at times. Real love is sometimes a conscious choice to stay when everything in you feels like leaving. The truth is, real love takes a LOT of hard work, but the rewards are priceless.
In short, I owe the person I am today to the transforming love of my husband! He is the one that has exemplified to me the kind of unselfish love that it takes to make a marriage work. I thank God every day for him & the lessons I have learned as a result of his ability to be patient with me when I was being so stubborn.
From the place where I’m sitting it’s nearly impossible for me to say love is simply a “feeling”, because that would cheapen the tremendous amount of sacrifice, dedication, and hard work it takes to make my marriage as wonderful as it is today. So, I stand by my opinion that love is a CHOICE….and nothing could be more romantic to me than the knowledge that someone chose me!
-HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, JONATHAN!
