The Fab 4 White's

When you don't always have the words...

2011-07-22T02:42:00.002-05:00

This is not the "come back" story I was planning for my blog. It's really not even a story...tonight I'm just venting I guess. I have had MANY happy times I could have hopped on here to share...and I promise to do that & share more of those moments in the coming months (still waiting for my camera software to be installed.by my IT guy...). But, today was different. Today was a turning point in my parenting journey & I think I'm quickly learning the real meaning of the phrase: "Let go & let God".

Today, I spent a lot of time crying for my son. Today, I didn't have any answers. Today, I had to put my faith into practice & simply pray when I didn't know what else to do. I wished so badly I could swallow up all of my child's pain and bear it for him...but I knew the reality of it was that I was going to have to give this one to Jesus & leave it there

It was a little over 5 years ago that Jon and I were given a diagnosis for our non-verbal, tantrum-throwing 2 year old...."PDDNOS". It stands for "Pervasive Developmental Delay Not Otherwise Specified". PDD is an autism spectrum learning disability & my Channy was diagnosed with this just before his third birthday. I've shared on here some of the ups and downs of our journey as we've dealt with behavior therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and special education classes. In so many ways I feel blessed to be able to say that Chandler has done remarkably well in school & he continues to progress every year, which is a huge blessing.

However, as my little guy grows & matures one aspect of PDD that has been especially hard to overcome is the social development challenges. Simply put...Channy has a really hard time making friends. Social situations are often the hardest part of any situation for Channy to navigate. I've seen him overcome SO much, but watching him struggle though the social/emotional stuff in life has often been the hardest part of all, because I feel so helpless. Today was just one of those days where the "helpless" feelings overwhelmed me & the rest just kinda spiraled downward from there.

Recently, Chandler has become (painfully) aware that he has no friends. :-( Today, it all started when I had to discipline him for being mean to his sister. I sent him to his room to think about it & when I came into his room to talk to him about it he burst into tears! I was shocked because he usually just tells me what he did that was wrong & then he will apologize and move on. But...not today! Today, he started crying and said "he hates his face" (?)..."he hates that he is 'a mean kid' "... and, "he hates not having any friends that like him"! Wowza! Where did that all come from??? I could tell these were the things he must think to himself & say to himself when he is all alone, and right then and there my heart broke for him! I knew there wasn't a whole lot I could say to him in that moment to make it all better, so we just prayed together & I tried my best to say as many encouraging things as I could.

Friends have never been easy for Chandler to come by & it's heartbreaking to watch him muddle through the world of social experiences. It's one of the most painful things to watch your child struggle with their differences, especially when they become more aware of how others see them, talk about them, and treat them. There is nothing I can do to "fix" that & I HATE that more than anything!

Today Chandler was basically trying to say he doesn't know why he is the way he is....but that he still needs/wants a friend! What's even more tough is that Jon and I can't do much to soothe that hurt in his little heart. He wants to know that someone besides mom & dad like him & want to spend time with him. We tried asking people close to Channy if they could spend a little time just hanging out with him to let him know that someone outside of his 4 walls cares about him...but that ended in a sad way too. :-( We just wanted Chan to know someone else besides us cared about him, and liked him just the way he is!

I'm out of ideas. Out of people to ask. I don't want anyone else thinking I'm too "lazy" to do my job as Chandler's parent either. I could spend 1,000 hours one-on-one with him...but I'm still his "mom" & Jon is still "dad". He needs to know he's good enough for someone else to want to spend time with him! I'm just hurting for my little boy that falls asleep at night feeling like he's not good enough for friends...

I know Jesus sees my little boy & that He has a plan for Chandler's life that is good, even if I can't see it right now. But, I've seen him struggle with EVERY facet of his little life & some days it gets to be too much for my heart to bear. Some days I wonder what God sees in me that he picked me to be Chandler's mom. Most of the time I feel weak and unprepared for these kinds of struggles & today...today I didn't know what to say, so we just prayed & then I cried alone in my room. I always knew there was going to be challenges in raising my kids, I just never knew it was going to look and feel like this. I guess in my naivety I always thought I'd have some idea what to say, or what to do. It just seems like it's too soon for my little boy to feel this defeated.

Jesus-be close to my little boy & surround him with the love & comfort that only YOU can give!

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&feature=related

So Much......

2011-05-24T01:10:00.000-05:00

I've been on a blogging break for almost a year, but it's certainly not because I've had a shortage of things to share! No, there has been PLENTY to talk about, blog about, and share with you in pictures and songs....but the one thing I did lose was my drive to do that! Since my last blog entry we've completed another school year, graduated one from preschool, had birthday's, holiday's, and anniversary celebrations. We've made some small life changes, and even had a new family member join the ranks of our extended family (a new cousin!). We've laughed, cried, and been blessed beyond measure...and I let it all happen without blogging about it!!!

Every time I sat down to share something on my blog I kept letting other things get in the way of completing my goal of blogging about it. Facebook is partly to blame because it's so gosh darn quick to just spit out a line or two status update & be done with it. My desire for a little more anonymity was probably just as big a factor too. I realized I was letting a lot of myself hang out there & while I stand by my "heart-on-my-sleeve" mentality, I have to admit it got to be too much sometimes. I realized it was a lot easier to say things on my blog that maybe I wouldn't really say in "real" life. Hence the LONG break... until now!

One thing I love about myself is that I'm honest, but often times that quality can work to my detriment too! That also happens to be one thing I hate about myself....I'm too honest sometimes! I let people see the good, the bad, and the U-G-L-Y sides of me! Ugh.....why do I have to have so much ugly in me!!! I think that's one thing I need to learn to let the Lord have more often. Sometimes I'm so proud of my honesty that I don't always let the Lord humble me with that like I should. Sure, it's my strength....but it's a pretty bad weakness too. I can cut people with my words so fast they don't see it coming & then I realize; "Oh...crap...I should have kept my mouth shut"!!! Do you ever do that? Please say you do! Be honest....ha!

Anyway....I'm back! And I'll have pictures, kid stories, and recipes to share very soon! WooHoo! Sadly, I don't have very many good running stories to tell because it was a long, cold winter & I let the hot coffee & warm covers keep me from running too often this winter (and now it shows!). But, never fear....there will be more running stories coming your way this summer! I think I will also start a new sub-category on my blog called: "Adventures at the Westport Flea Market"...only a few of you out there will get that joke right now, but soon ALL of you will understand!

To end on a more serious note, I'd like to thank all of you that have come up to me over the last couple of months and said, "Hey, Amber....I miss your blog!". That makes me smile to think that anyone misses my non-sense rambling, or my Patty McFatty recipes...but, "thank you" for pretending like you care :-)! I'll try my best not to let you down this time. But, right now it's 1:00 am & I've got a load a laundry to change out & kids that have school in a few hours, so I'll just leave you with this beautiful song that I've had spinning in my head for the last couple of days.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t16b2yMqME&feature=related

Golden Friendships!

2010-09-14T21:43:00.001-05:00

There's a saying "Make new friends, keep the old, one is silver, the other is gold", and last weekend on our little vacation to Minnesota I felt every bit of those words! Jon and I have been going through some "trying" times in the friendship department & it started to feel like we were never going to make any new friends, much less keep the old ones! To say things felt "depressing" would be an understatement!

I actually spent a lot of time pouring out my heart here on my blog & when I went back and re-read those words it just seemed like I sounded whiny and "Woe is me-ish". Blah! That's not what I was trying to portray, but it probably sounded like that. So, I stepped back from doing much blogging and instead poured myself a little more into running again (thank God for my running girlfriends that stick by me even when I quit running for months at a time!). I love running because it gives me the space and time to just clear my head sometimes. While I was "clearing things out" of my busy head I also prayed that God would give me a fresh start this year & maybe, just maybe give me one opportunity connect with an old friend (or two!) to bring a little bit of hope back into the picture.

Man, am I glad I asked God for that little blessing! I love it when God proves that He not only cares about the big things in our lives, but that the little things matter too! Shortly after asking God for an opportunity to re-connect with old friends we got that opportunity & spent a wonderful evening over at an old friends house for dinner. It felt so refreshing to spend time with people who know you & have a little "history" with you. Shortly after that little "re-connection" we were making our plans for our MN trip we found out that another good friend was going to be able to fly home to MN while we were there! WooHoo! Things just kept getting better! I thought those two things were pretty awesome, but it just kept getting better! I had re-connected with my running girls, had an awesome evening spent with old friends, and found out that another good friend was going to be able to hang out with us during our trip (where we were already going to stay with old friends!) to MN! I love those kinds of happy surprises!

Then, as I was washing clothes and packing for our trip to MN I thought "Hmmm....I wonder if I should contact Kevin and Gina & see what they are up to since we will be in their neck of the woods this week". "Kevin & Gina" are old friends of Jon and I that go WAY back to the days before Jon and I were even married. They were the cool young married couple that Jon and I looked up to & hoped to be one day! ;-) They are originally from MN, but Kevin is a Dr & they spent a few short years in KC during Kevin's residency. After KC they moved to Indiana & we never got a chance to see them again. We kept in touch a little bit over the years through Christmas cards and an occasional e-mail, but they were busy, we were busy, we lived several states away...you know how it goes. However, last year Kevin and Gina moved back to MN to be closer to their family & suddenly the idea of maybe seeing them again one day didn't seem so far off!

So, as I was packing I posted something on facebook about getting ready for our trip to MN & that's when Gina beat me to the punch! She saw me post that & sent me a quick message that said "Are you guys coming to MN?". From there we made plans to have dinner together & I laughed at all the wonderful surprises that just kept rolling in for this years trip to MN!

We arrived in MN on Thursday evening & our fantastic friends/hosts Bob and Irene were waiting with open arms to receive our wild crew of 6 for the weekend! Everyone should have a "Bob & Irene" in their lives, because they always make you feel so special & so loved! I count them as one of the greatest blessings in our lives....and that's not an exaggeration! We come up to MN every year over Labor Day & they always go above and beyond to host our family & each year it just gets better and better! It's become one of our family's favorite traditions & I LOVE that my children will always have these years to look back on and remember with fondness.

One little "gift" that Bob and Irene wanted to give Jon and I this year was a "date night" since they knew that was something that doesn't happen too often in our world! Because of their sweet offer we were able to go out on a double date with Kevin and Gina on Friday night. I should mention here that Kevin and Gina have 6 children, so the fact that both of us could manage and evening away was a bit of a miracle in and of itself! So, with babysitters secured we made reservations at a fun downtown Minneapolis restaurant called "Hell's Kitchen" & embarked on our journey to re-connect! We had a lot of catching up to do too since it had been, oh... 13 years or so since we had last seen each other!

Once we hugged each other and sat down something amazing happened....we started talking and never stopped! There was almost no unfamiliarity in the air even though it had been so long since we had seen each other! Our waitress stopped by our table several times to try to take our order, but it took us about an hour to even start looking at the menu! Instead, we ordered drinks and appetizers & told our poor waitress that we hadn't seen each other for 13 or so years....so we were gonna be awhile! :-) We laughed, swapped stories about our kids, we pulled out cameras and phones to share pictures with each other, and we then we talked some more! We talked about the good stuff, the bad stuff, the happy times, the hard times, the things that have made us who we are today & and how blessed we each were for the very unique stories we have to tell. We even went to a second restaurant for dessert since we had been at the first one so long! We closed down the second restaurant & kept talking all the way out to the parking garage! Now that's what I call a great night! When Jon and I drove away that night we both smiled & then talked about how incredible it was that we were able to just pick right back up where we had left off some 13 years ago! Now that's a golden friendship & one I KNOW I'll keep forever!

Thanks for the great memories!

First Day of School.

2010-09-09T22:26:00.002-05:00

The two older kids went back to school August 16th! Can you believe that?!! That was way, WAY too early in my book & I'm not ashamed to admit I was the one with a bad "back-to-school" attitude this year. I just miss my kids so much during the school year! The kids always enjoy getting new school supplies & clothes, so that's what gets them through those first few days. But, me....I just pray a lot! It's just that I enjoy summer SO much & I dread the feeling of "heaviness" that each new school year brings. However, I tried my best to put on my positive "happy" face & tackle the first few days of the new school year with as much "go-get-em" energy as I could summon.

Here are few cute pictures of my kiddos on that first day back at school.

Cute little posers!

All set! But those bags with school supplies are HEAVY!

My sweet little 2nd & 3rd graders.

Chandler is SO stinking excited to see that brick ~~prison~~ school house once again.

"Uh...Mom...can we go into the school now...it's kinda bright out here?"

The cutest boy in the the whole 2nd grade!

Right after this picture he said: "So as soon as I'm done taking pictures we can go to the pool...right?"

I know...I know...she will never need mascara! So not fair!

The Fantastic Fifth Birthday!

2010-09-09T21:45:00.000-05:00

My baby girl is no baby any longer! Miss Maya turned the big 5 back in August & it was a little bittersweet. I love 5! My kids seem to "blossom" a little more at 5 & because of that I am able to forgive them for the 2's, and the 3's, and the "awkward-in-between" 4's when they were a little harder to love. I call those years the "survival years", because that's what it feel like much of the time. I'll bet if you can make it through those years with a scrap of patience remaining & a few good brain cells you just might be able to handle the teen years without losing your mind completely! Yes, in my book 5 is a great age! However, it seemed a little strange to me as I was watching Maya blow out her 5 candles on her Barbie cake that I swear just yesterday I was snuggling that cute little newborn girl in my arms . It's weird how our minds don't like to catch up with the present day sometimes! In so many ways I still think of her as my "baby", because it's still hard to grasp that time has flown by so quickly. Makes me want to go give her a few extra snuggles as she sleeps right now because I'm kinda scared I'm going to wake up and find a teenager in her bed tomorrow!

Here are a few pictures of Miss Maya Moo's BIG day!

Here Are A Few Fun Facts About Maya:

-She was my fastest & easiest labor and delivery (less than 2 hours!).

-She was born with BLACK hair...but it didn't stay that way for long.

-She can recite entire blocks of Disney movie dialogue & not miss a beat.

-She also has the lyrics to many songs fully memorized.

-She LOVES to sing & dance. She is our little "performer".

-She RARELY tells a lie. She may be my drama queen, but this little sister can tell it to you straight!

-She "loves" lots of things & "hates" very few things (with the exception of veggies!).

-She is my curious one.

-She is also my "risk taker" & my bold one. She fears very little & I love that about her so, so much. This quality will take her far in life!

-She knows no stranger.

-Her favorite breakfast is....pb&j or grilled cheese & applesauce!

Weekend Deals & A Update

2010-08-09T12:16:00.000-05:00

It was a good weekend on the savings front. I'm only including the stuff I bought in my trip yesterday, because I'm lazy and I didn't want to gather up all the school supplies I bought on Friday & Saturday. We won't mention the 6 jars of Skippy PB I snagged for $3 either ;-). Anyway....it was a good shopping weekend & I continue to learn new things every time I shop.

Here is what you are looking at:

(2) Diet Pepsi 2 liters (BOGO coupon off facebook)

(1) Doritos Snack package (free with Pepsi purchase...tear pad at CVS )

(2) Betty Crocker Warm Delights (2 x .75 cp from 8/08 paper)

(1) Air Wick iMotion room air freshener ($4.00 cp from 8/08 paper)

(3) Colgate Toothpaste (3 x cp from 8/01 paper)

(1) 9 roll Angel Soft TP

(1) 24 ct Zyrtec Liquid Gels ($4.00 cp from website)

(2) 24 ct Benadryl Products ($2 and $1 peelies from CVS)

(2) Kleenex Tissues

(2) Schick Hydro 5 razors ($5.00 cp in 8/08 paper)

(2) Schick Shaving Cream (FREE peelies on razor package!)

(1) 4 oz Bio True solution ($1.00 cp from website)

(1) Dulcolax Balance ($4.00 cp from website)

(1) Dial body wash ($1.00 cp from website)

(2) Walgreen's hand sanitizer

(2) Soft Soap hand soap (2 x .35 cp from 7/25 paper)

(4) Bic Grip pens ($1.00/2 coupon from 8/01 paper)

Like I said, I'm lazy today, so I don't feel like linking to all the coupon sites where I got the "website" coupons from. However, the girls over at Sam's Secrets & Coupon Mom will get you all the info you need if you want to save on any of the above items :-) I bought all of these items at Walgreen's and CVS. I had $10 in RR at Walgreen's to use & I still have $2 in RR left. I had $3 EB from CVS to use & I do not have any more EB's left over. I will also get $8.97 back in rebates! My total oop was $15.65, but with the $8.97 rebate from the razor that drops my total drops down to $6.68! Not too bad considering the sale price on the Zyrtec alone was $18.99! In total, I got $111.89 worth of products for $6.68!!! Oh, and I am donating several of the products you see to charity. That is one of the best perks from doing all this coupon shopping. Now I can afford to help other people out, while I continue to shop and save on items my family needs ;-). Happy Monday, everyone! Hope you enjoy finding your own deals this week!

*In other news.....I finally got to run this weekend! It was so refreshing to get back to doing something I love. I'm doing the KC 1/2 in October, so I figured I better start getting serious about running again.

*Miss Maya will turn 5 this week! Can't hardly believe it! Stay tuned for pictures of her birthday at the T-Rex cafe :-).

*This is the kids last week of summer vacation (sniff....sniff!). They go back to school on Monday! Can't believe my summer flew by like it did. I'm gonna miss them, but I think I'm ready to have a little more of a routine back in our life. McKenna will be in third grade & Chandler in second grade. Miss Maya missed the Kindergarten cut off by 11 days, so she will have one more year of Pre-K. Mr. Judah never wants to go to school because he wants to be stuck like velcro to his Mommy's side until he is 10! No, really...I'm a little worried that's how it's gonna be with my little buddy! I love him so much, but he can drive me a little nutty sometimes with his clingy-ness. He is adding new words to his vocabulary every day & we think he has a bright future as a guitar tech since he routinely gets into Daddy's pedal board & "rearranges" all Daddy's guitar equipment!

So, there you have it...a small "update" of sorts on what we are up to. Hope you are enjoying your end-of-the-summer fun & are all geared up for fall. I'm looking forward to sharing more recipes with you in the near future, and having more "running stories" to tell. It's been a LONG time since I did those two things on here, but as soon as the kids go back to school I'll have a little more time for those kind of blog posts. Stay tuned....

Give it a try!

2010-08-03T12:07:00.000-05:00

This is a good week for anyone who is new to the "Drug Store Deals" game to give it a try. :-)

I followed the scenario listed on "Little People Wealth" and this is what I walked away with for $3.22 oop. I also walked away with $9 in RR!

(2) Kellogg's Cereal ($1.00/2 internet printable cp or 7/25 RP)

(2) Dawn Dish Soap (.25 x2 8/01 P&G)

(1) Complete Contact Lens Solution

(1) Nature's Way ALIVE multi-vitamin ($1.00 mnf cp)

(1) Visine Eye Drops (used $2 cp from Wags Aug coupon book at front of store)

(2) Crayola 24 ct Crayons

(1) Gillette Fusion Pro-Glide Men's Razor ($4 P&G 8/01)

(1) Highlighter 6 pack

(1) 10 ct pencil pack

(2) Reeses Pieces (filler items)

*I DID NOT have the mnf coupons for the Complete Solution or the Visine coupon that the "Little People Wealth" sugested in the Low oop scenario, but I did have a $5RR from my previous visit. I bought all these items in three separate transaction & I used the 15% friends and family coupon from facebook. Good Luck if you give this week's deal a try. :-)

*RP = Red Plum Sunday Paper Insert
*P&G Proctor and Gamble Insert

Coupons!

2010-08-02T03:27:00.001-05:00

Over the last month I've been trying my hand at this thing called "couponing". I've learned so much over the last couple of weeks that I thought I'd share a little of what I'm learning with you guys. I decided to gather up everything I bought just over this weekend & add everything up to see just how much I am saving by using these coupons. I'm new to this "coupon" thing, so I was curious. Now, what kinda bums me out about this example is that I have a few "high dollar" items in there that drove up the out-of-pocket (oop for future reference) cost for me this weekend, but they were items that I bought in bulk because I got such a great deal on them this time & they earned me some pretty sweet "Extra Bucks" (we will get to what "extra bucks" are in a minute). I have not been buying things in "bulk" lately because it's usually cheaper for me to buy them in smaller quantities so that I am able to use more coupons per item to save more money. However, my diaper and wipes purchase(s) this weekend ended up helping me come out on top even though I had to pay a little more money out-of-pocket this time. I'm still learning how to do some of this, so I'm sure I'll get better at spending even less oop in the near future!

First, I'll show you everything I bought & then I'll break it all down for you. :-)

OK...Here is what you are looking at:

(1) Bottle of Downy Fabric Softener.. ($1.00 cp)

(2) Special K Protein Shake 4 packs..($1.00/2 cp)

(1) Celsius Green Tea 4 pack.............($2.00 cp + $3RR)

(1) Box of Act II Mini Bag Popcorn...(.40 cp)

(3) Gillette Pro-Fusion Men's Razor(s) ($4.00 cp + $5RR x 3 = $15RR total)

(2) Packs Of "Little Swimmers" diapers ($1.00 x 2 cp = $3EB)

(1) Box of Pamper's Cruisers Diapers.. ($2.00 cp + $10 EB)

(1) 240 ct. Pack of Huggies Baby Wipes ($2 MFR cp + $2 CVS cp. Coupon "stacking" = 2 cp for 1 item)

(1) 62 ct Box of Pampers Baby Wipes. (FREE with coupon for "buy one box diapers get wipes free!)

(1) 2 oz. Bio True Contact Len's solution ($2.00 cp + $2.99 EB = $2 money maker)

(3) Band-Aid Brand boxes of band-aids ($3 cp + $5 EB)

(2) 4oz Colgate "Total Advanced" toothpaste ($1 and .75 cp + $2EB)

(1) Nature's Way Brand "ALIVE" multi-vitamin (no cp...but $10 RR)

(3) Papermate Brand 6-pack multi-highlighters (no cp...on sale with rewards card)

(2) 10 ct Penway #2 pencils....................(no cp...on sale with rewards card)

(2) 2ct Penway Pink Eraser sets...............(no cp...on sale with rewards card)

(2) 16 oz bags of Twizzler Brand Licorice (no cp...on sale + $2RR)

(2) Snicker's Candy Bars.........................("filler" item to use up RR)

(1) 9.9 oz Bag M&M Pretzel Candy........($1 cp + used as "filler" item)

(2) 10 pack Kit Kat "Fun Size" Candy.....(no cp...on sale...used EB to buy for free!)

(1) "Fun Size" Laffy Taffy" (.10 filler item so that 2 cp could be used for one item *Rule at Walgreen's).......

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Total Amount Paid Out-Of-Pocket for All Items = $59.95

Total Value Of Goods Purchased = $176.71!

Savings Of = $116.76

Now, one of the main ways I was able to save so much money was by utilizing the "store rewards" programs offered at Walgreen's and CVS. Most (but not all) of the items I purchased were either on sale, or the store was offering "extra bucks" (CVS = EB), or "Register Rewards" (Walgreen's = RR) for those items. EB's and RR are used very much like cash when you go to purchase item's at these stores. The only difference is that you are not allowed to receive cash back from EB's and RR's, so you must use the full amount of the stated EB or RR when you go to check out. For example, if you have a RR worth $5 then you must purchase another item worth $5 or more to cover the full value of your RR (because you cannot receive cash back from these rewards). If the item you are wanting to buy with your RR only costs $4.50 then you must find a .50 "filler" item so that the full $5 RR can be used up. My last little "trick" is that I also try to combine manufacturer's coupons on almost all of the items that I purchase that offer EB's or RR's.

In this case, the bulk of the money that I spent out-of-pocket (oop), ended up being the purchase I made for all of the Diapers and wipes that you see in the picture. The total for that transaction was $56.33 before my coupons and EB's. I paid $37.49 oop for that transaction, and I got $15 EB's back from that transaction that allowed me to purchase more of the item's that you see above for next to nothing!

The second store I shopped at was Walgreen's & I used the same "formula" at that store by combining manufacturers coupons with items that were also offering "register rewards" (RR). The only exception I made to this "formula" was the purchase of the women's multi-vitamins. I was out of my regular vitamins & I saw that Walgreen's had these vitamins on sale for $10, & when you purchased these vitamins you also earned $10 in RR! I used the $10 in RR to purchase the Special K Protein Drinks that also earned me $5 in RR!

I paid .15 for the "Special K Transaction" that also included some school supplies for the kids!

In all, I made 2 trips to each store (1 trip on Sat & 1 on Sunday) & divided my purchases up into separate transactions according to which transaction would earn me a specific amount of EB's or RR's to use on the following transaction. In the end I STILL walked away with $12 worth of EB's (CVS), and $5 worth of RR's (Walgreen's). I'll use those EB's and RR's later this week to either purchase grocery items we need, or to buy more items that will earn me more rewards! I don't plan on spending any more money oop though....just the EB's or RR's! Pretty sweet, huh?

This is what my receipts will look like for the rest of the week!

*I'll be posting more stuff like this on my blog from time to time to break down specific deals that everyone can go buy for next to nothing! However, if you are interested in trying your hand at the "Drug Store Game" then you'll need to start buying the Sunday paper & saving the coupon inserts from each weeks paper. The only other thing you would need to do would be to sign up for these "Rewards" programs at your local CVS and Walgreen's. Maybe next time I'll teach you about "internet printable coupons"...those three words have become very important to me!. Can't wait to share more money-saving deals with you all!

31 facts about me.

2010-07-22T12:34:00.000-05:00

1) I hate mayonnaise...it makes me gag just to look at it!

2) My favorite fountain drink is diet Pepsi. Oh, and I like regular Coke better than regular Pepsi. I know, it doesn't really make sense but I'm OK with that.

3) I used to organize my closet by color! I even tried to coordinate the hanger color with the garment color (white hangers were used for white shirts, and so on...). It's true! I don't have the time (or space) for that now, but I hope to be able to do that again one day. Yes, I have lofty goals for my life.

4) I hate any sort of lunch meat. Sub sandwiches are about as appealing to me as mayo!

5) I was nearly 20 years old before I flew anywhere in an airplane.

6) I still love chewy Sprees.

7) I didn't like (no...I HATED) any sort of seafood until about 5 years ago. Now I eat sushi with my husband & crave spicy grilled shrimp??? It's really a miracle if you ask me because I don't know how that happened! :-)

8) I wear a size 10 shoe. I used to be a solid 9, but 4 kids changed all that!

9)Before deciding to sign up for my first marathon I had never run further than 1 mile in my whole entire life. I was inspired to run by a video I saw on YouTube & decided I thought I could do it. I signed up for the Disney marathon & then decided I had lost my mind when it took me 2 hours to finish my first 6 mile run -hehe! To date, that was the most miserable run of my entire life!

10) I've been known to bake cookies at midnight & clean bathrooms at 1:00 am.

11) My husband tells me I can't sing, but I really don't care, I still belt out tunes at the top of my lungs when we are in the car :-). My children love this about me...I think???

12) I got the "hustle" award on my basketball team my sophomore year of high school. I think that meant "Amber can't shoot a basket to save her life...but she sure does run up and down that court a lot"-ha!

13) I know the full lyrics to songs that I don't know the name of....or what band performs that song. It's true.

14) I multi-task in just about every area of my life. It's part of the challenges I face with my ADD. This means a lot of things get started, but not always finished. Sometimes I forget how many things I'm doing at one time & end up putting things in strange places & dressing children in clothing backwards.

15) I think I have nice wrists & ugly feet.

16) I don't like scary movies.

17) I still secretly like the movies Dumb and Dumber, Pure Luck, and Jacka$$. They make me laugh.

18) I wear yoga pants 365 days a year.

19) I love camping, canoeing, and being outdoors. I beg my husband on a weekly basis to find a job in Colorado so that I can enjoy the great outdoors more often.

20) I love watching squirrels. I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to admit that one though.

21) I can't whistle.

22) I don't feel like I can leave the house if there are dirty dishes in the sink. That's my mother's fault!

23) I recently started "couponing" and I'm pretty sure that did not tip the "nerd" scale in my favor. I'm a full-on dork now & I don't care who knows!

24) While I am a pretty good baker I cannot master the art of...chocolate chip cookies (*hangs head in shame*). I can make pies, cakes, and dozens of other cookies...just not chocolate chip cookies. It's like a cruel joke. I've tried about 10 different recipes & they never turn out right. Of all the things to be bad at why does it have to be something so simple??? This failure haunts me....

25) I hate answering the phone. It's turned into a phobia I think. I'm still not sure why this is but I'll talk to my therapist about it when I go to discuss my fear of mayo & dirty dishes.

26) My drivers license still says I weigh 125. The last time I went to renew I decided to fess up & tell the DMV gal that my weight was no longer 125. I told her my real and accurate weight & when they made my new license and handed it to me it still said...125. I take this as a sign that I need to get working on losing this "baby weight" once and for all so that my drivers license will be slightly (I laugh at the idea that I will ever be that thin again!) more accurate. I think it's God's way of reminding me what my goal weight is!

27) It is a lifelong dream of mine to be a contestant on Wipeout!

28) I think I want to start doing more mountain biking. Of course, I don't own a bike so this could be a bit challenging!

29) My favorite season is summer.

30) My favorite people in the whole wide world are my family members.

31) I think the 30's are going to be even more of an adventure than the 20's!

Cover Me.

2010-07-17T03:31:00.158-05:00

I have had several different things I wanted to blog about, but tonight I have one specific thing on my heart that I wanted to write out while it's still fresh. It would be an understatement to say that I've been in a funk for quite some time. I seem to have this constant fuzziness that blurs my thoughts & even my feelings lately, so I was very hesitant to do much posting on my blog. However, I think I'm getting down to the bottom of my "funk" and if I'm being really honest I think it is a bit of depression mixed with a longing to see what God has for me on the other side of this seemingly endless "rough patch". Most of this is just rambling....but it's a bit cathartic for me to do this from time to time, so skip this post if you must...it's really just for me :-)

Recently I spent several weeks with a freakishly weird bacterial infection that ultimately ended in a surgery to remove my right thumb nail. During that time of illness I had a couple of tense days where I had to wait on test results that were to determine if my swollen lymph nodes, neuropathy, and elevated calcium levels were a result of an infection, or possibly a cancer (no, I didn't let my extended family in on that possibility)! Yep...that was not my most peaceful week of sleep that's for sure! Those weeks of weakness and waiting caused me to do a lot of reflecting on my life...where I've come from...and where I'm at now. Upon doing all this "reflecting" what I ultimately discovered was that I have a lot of brokenness that I was trying to cover up with a happy smile & a good dose of avoidance. A lot of my brokenness stemmed from disappointments & dashed dreams. Things I'd hoped would blossom into great opportunities that ended up fading into the distance. Friendships I held dear suddenly disappeared before my very eyes. Opportunities lost because of circumstance. I also realized a still had a lot of hurt and anger bubbling under my brokenness. I really thought I was done with the pain...but it surprised me when it reared it's ugly head again. I took those weeks of reflecting to address those issues because I could see a lot of brokenness that needed to be removed and then covered from further damage.

As I waded through a sea of emotions during those weeks of physical healing, I pondered the irony between my bandaged thumb & the condition of my heart. As I looked at the giant covering over my battered & broken thumb, I was reminded of the importance of bandages and "coverings". The whole purpose of a covering/bandage after surgery is to prevent injury or further infection from getting in while the fresh wound heals. I thought a lot about the healing that was taking place under my bandage that week, and I knew the scars I was going to be left with were going to be quite ugly for some time, but I was SO relieved to be rid of the infection that I didn't care about the scars it left behind. Even though it was evident I was "broken" for a time I was OK with that, because what I cared more about was getting rid of the root of the pain for good! It was because of that covering over my thumb that I was protected from the pain and injury from the outside world during the most crucial time of my recovery. Without that covering I would have been in unimaginable pain during those early days.

If I'm being honest, I think I can say without a doubt that the things in my life that have caused me the most pain have often times found their way to my doorstep because I've allowed myself think that I didn't need Jesus's covering over my life. I've failed to see the significance of my faith in relation to my every day thought life (stupid...I know). I've gone weeks and months without praying about things or reading my Bible & I flip on the old "auto-pilot" switch when troubles arise. I think too much depends on ME & I fail to recognize that I have a creator that knows me better than I know myself. I've even tried to cling to friendships that were unhealthy because I reasoned that they were "all I have left". Never giving God much of a chance to reveal a new & significantly better plan for my life. I assume too quickly that "all hope is lost" when things don't happen on my timeline. When I look back on the way I have behaved in the midst of all those things that led up to my broken heart it would appear that I was functioning as though I had no hope at all. No savior that would pave a better way for me..no trust in the one thing that I profess to be the cornerstone of my life! Talk about a reality check! But, man...did I need it!

Really, the purpose for this post is for my family. Sometimes I write what I do so that when my children read this years from now they will have a little bit of insight into what I was thinking or feeling along the way. I'm learning as I go, and I want them to know that I by no means think I have it all figured out. I hope that anything I have to say right here brings them hope, or even comfort, because unfortunately they suffer and hurt right along with me sometimes too. :-(

So here it is...my family is hurting because we have lost some of our closest friends and it hurts! What I've been telling myself is that God is clearing the path for HIS plan to take shape in my life, and HIS plan is going to be so much better than anything I could ever think of for myself. Some days that really feels comforting, other days I want to examine what is wrong with ME (again with the "auto-pilot" syndrome!) that someone I was so close to would just drop me like a bad habit overnight with no explanation. What's worse is my children are suffering with us this time, and it breaks my heart. Even if it is for our own good...even if God is moving us on to better things...it still hurts to see your children hurt!

Chandler recently had a birthday & he wanted so badly for his little friends to come to his party, but Jon and I knew that wasn't going to happen. We finally had to tell the kids we didn't know if they were going to be able to see or play with their old friends again & that was a pretty painful conversation. They wanted answers...they wanted to know why & we felt horrible when we had to tell them honestly; "we don't know why"! I really just wanted to blame myself here so that my kids didn't have to be left with...nothing! Because the worst part of all of this is NOT KNOWING why this happened to us. It's made Jon and I examine everything about ourselves (which hasn't been altogether a bad thing!) to see if there is something we are missing: are we bad people, are we rude, presumptuous, obnoxious, oblivious, do we have bad breath, are we selfish, stupid, do we not watch our kids close enough, do we need to do more for our friends...be more available, did we overstay our welcome all the time, did we call too much...too little, are we offensive, ugly, weird, inconsiderate...do we smell??? We've examined most of the possibilities & yes, even directly asked/begged for some answers, but in the end we were given nothing. So, onward we must move into our future that will (God-willing) hold another beautiful, and once again precious friendship. But, for now we wait & pray that God will place a healing covering over the wounds that are still fresh. Ultimately I know God will heal this hurt, but I am so impatient that it's hard to keep that perspective in the midst of sad little faces, and broken hearts.

One wonderful little ray of sunshine is the fact that after having processed all of my feelings I actually feel quite...free! I actually still have wonderful memories of our times spent with these friends & I wouldn't change that for anything in this world! We raised our kids together for quite some time, they were the first people we told each time we were pregnant. We spent holiday's and many birthday's together, we cried together, laughed together, and held each other up during hard times. I have picture books filled with the wonderful times we shared with them & when I look back on all of those memories I still smile because those were wonderful times. Even though I know I won't get to share those times with them any longer, I wouldn't take a second of our friendship back...not one second! When I look back, those were some of the best times of my life & I will cherish them always. I have so many wonderful memories with these friends & I'm trying to focus on that right now. I may be powerless to change the decision they have made & the road our friendship has now taken, but that will never change the way I feel about the great times we shared together.

I've also not excluded the possibility that maybe I did do something wrong. I'm really trying hard to let go of the fact that I will never get an answer to this one! Maybe I could be a better friend next time. I know I'm certainly not perfect! Because we have nothing to go on, I took the opportunity to examine areas of my life that could use some "fine-tuning" and noted areas of weakness and selfishness I see in myself that I need to work on to be more healthy in future friendships. Looking back I think I may have taken for granted the hospitality and generosity of our friends & not stepped up to the plate near enough. So, these days I'm making a very conscious effort to be more open and generous with my time, talents, and treasures. I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm trying to operate under the mentality that the more I am able to give of myself the more I will be blessed in return. Nothing can replace the treasure of a close friend, and I truly pray that what the Lord has allowed to be taken away, He will surely give back 10 fold in His time!

*I LOVE this song by Bebo Norman called "Cover Me". I've spent a lot of time meditating on these words & praying that the Lord would indeed "Cover" my family while we all move forward. Now that I'm about to hit "publish post" button I realize that I'm letting the rest of the world see my brokenness in the full light of day & while that's a little scary, it's also quite liberating. This weakness I'm feeling right now WILL be replaced with new growth & beautiful healing in the end. For now I'll let my broken heart rest under the protective covering that is my saviors love for me. Praise God for HIS covering!

Cover me, cover up my tears
Cover up this man who's covered up in fear
I need a peace of mind, I need a piece of you
TO cover all that's gone and everything that's new
You unveil me with your mercy
I want to breathe you in
You unfold me, then you hold me

Cover up my heart, cover up my soul
Cover up this world and everything I know
You cover up the sky, you cover up the sea
Cover up the mountains and every part of me
Everything single breath I breathe...cover me

I am still alive and covered up in years

Covered up in lines as innocence appears
So give me a peace of mind, give me a piece of you
To cover all that's old with everything that's new
You unveil me with your mercy
I want to breathe you in
And you unfold me, then you hold me

You unveil me with your mercy
I want to breathe you in
You unfold me then you hold me

I want to shed this skin

You unveil me with your mercy
You unfold me, then you hold me
You unbreak me, would you take me home

Chandler Turns 7!

2010-06-30T00:35:00.000-05:00

My little boy...my BABY boy...he keeps growing up on me! OK, so he's hardly a baby, and he's not even my baby boy anymore seeing as I do actually have a baby that's a boy right now... and it's not Chandler! But, I'm a mother & my children will forever be my "babies", it doesn't matter how old they are...they will always be my BABIES! It's how I'm moving on and learning to cope with the fact that my womb will never again host another little White...I'll just call my growing children my infants forevermore. Thank you for understanding ...we can move on now. I'll see a counselor later...thank you for your concern.

So, last Saturday was my boy's birthday & he enjoyed every moment of his big day. He went to the pool (of course!) in the early afternoon, while mama and baby Judah stayed at home to get ready for the party (poor mama couldn't swim because of the stupid thumb that was all bandaged...but that's another story!). I was feeling pretty sad because I had to miss out on the pool, but I was even more sad that I couldn't make him the Buzz Lightyear cake he had asked for (again....stupid thumb!). A ~~lesser woman~~ more reasonable woman would have just admitted she was defeated and ordered a cake from a bakery...but not this ~~lunatic~~ Mama! No! I wasn't about to force my baby to eat one of those gross, dried out, disgusting hunks of store-bought misery slathered in colored grease, or worse... flavorless "whipped topping". If I couldn't make him the Buzz Lightyear cake, then I was at least gonna make him Buzz Lightyear cupcakes...dang it! Yes....that prospect had it's challenges too, but that's how I roll. ;-).

All in all, I think the party was a big hit & "yes" I did indeed figure out a way to make and frost 42 cupcakes without the use of my right thumb! I even found the energy to pull things together right before all the guests arrived! WooHoo! This was not me at my best that's for sure, but all I cared about was seeing my little boy smile at the end of the day. When I finally put the finishing touches on everything, I realized everything was gonna be OK, even without the silly cake! In the end it didn't even matter because this little boy was in Toy Story HEAVEN!

And he SMILED all night because he got this:

(Because his mom and dad are the best!)....

Oh...and this (because Grandma and Grandpa Earle love him lots!)...

And these (Because his Aunt Brandi, Uncle D, and his cousins are the coolest!)....

And this (as well as Toy Story 2!) to watch for later (Because Aunt Tricia, Uncle Jer & Zion love him too) !

Yep...he had a lot of reasons to smile all night!

His Mom didn't even say anything when all he ate for dinner was this!

And later on...this!

How could I say anything when he looked this cute all night?

"Happy Birthday", Baby! I sure do love you!

The things you never anticipate.

2010-06-22T09:40:00.001-05:00

Back in 1996 when I was just 17 years old I had a huge crush on a cute 22 year old guy. At the time all I could think about was how much I loved being around him. I didn't think he would ever be "into" me seeing as our age difference at the time made the possibility of us ever getting together seem pretty slim. However, as you well know, we DID get together! When I found myself falling in love with Jon there were a few things I knew for sure that I loved about this man: 1) I LOVED the way he made me laugh, 2) I LOVED his bright blue eyes, 3) I LOVED his honesty & his passion for being "real" with everyone, 4) I LOVED his musical talent! I thought it was the sexiest thing in the whole world when he would sing and play his guitar for me, 5) I LOVED how he made me feel special ever time we were together. Those were the things that made me say "YES" that beautiful autumn afternoon when he purposed to me. However, what I didn't know back then was that the things that I initially fell in love with would eventually take a back seat to the reason I am still in love with this man today! :-)

Sometimes the most beautiful moments in life are the ones you never anticipate. I'll never forget the first time I saw Jonathan hold our first little newborn. I expected him to be stiff and unsure of how to handle our wee little one, but my heart melted when I woke up in my hospital bed to find my husband snuggling his little baby in the rocking chair like it was second nature to him. I sure never expected to see him dive right into fatherhood like he had been doing this his whole life, but that's just what he did! He has always been a "hands on" daddy, and from day one he was changing diapers & feeding and burping babies like nobody's business! Sure, there were lots of things that he asked me to "teach" him, but he has never tried to get out of any of the grunt work of raising our kids.Talk about sexy! Once Jonathan became a father it was like I had discovered a whole new level of love for him. Once we had kids he went from being my friend and lover to my true "companion".

I'm sure to a lot of people it seems like Jonathan don't have a whole lot in common since our interests are about as different as can be. I'm fairly sure I'll NEVER play any sort of musical instrument (other than the radio!), and I'd be willing to place bets on the highly UN-likely possibility of Jon ever running a marathon with me. But, those are just the little things in life that we admire about each other. I stand in awe of his talents, and he has told me on many occasions how proud he is of my running achievements...but those things are not the glue that bonds us. If we had to rely on what we have in common we'd have been done for a long time ago. Nope, if I'd have to say what the #1 thing is that keeps us interested in each other I'd say it's the way we continue find new things to love about each other. 14+ years ago I had a crush on a boy with pretty blue eyes, awesome guitar talent, and a cute butt! Today I'm madly in love with a sweet guy that still has awesome guitar skills and a cute butt...but what I'm really in love with is the way he still tells me I'm beautiful every single day (yes, even after 4 babies he still tells me this!), and the way he LOVES our 4 babies more than life itself! 10+ years ago when we said our wedding vows I had NO IDEA that I'd be so in love with Jonathan for the reasons I am today, but isn't that the best part of surprises?

Happy Father's Day Jonathan! Love you!!

The Wedding Weekend!

2010-06-17T15:23:00.001-05:00

Last weekend Jonathan and I had the RARE opportunity to spend a little time together without 4 little children in tow. Jonathan's friend from work was getting married and Jonathan sang a solo at the wedding which meant we had to attend the rehearsal on Friday & then the wedding on Saturday. The wedding was about an hour and a half away, so we thought it would be easier if the kids just spent the night at grandma and grandpa's to cut down on travel time for the weekend.

It's been a long time since Jon or I were any part of a wedding & I had forgotten about all the little details that go into such a special event. However, I have to say this was one of the most relaxed and easy going couples I have ever had the pleasure of being with. From all appearances, this bride and groom were able to do something that I think a lot of engaged couples struggle to do.....relax! The rehearsal went smoothly & the dinner afterwards was a blast! In typical fashion, my husband made an unlikely connection (sing it with me! "it's a small world after all....." ) with the bride's brother-in-law & I think a new business partnership may have been forged-LOL! It's a long story, but those two meeting made for one of the funniest moments of the night! Well, that and when Jonathan and I told the whole wedding party the story about the time Jon almost killed my parents dog when he kicked it in the head (accidentally) with a croquet ball. They all laughed hysterically when we got to the part of the story about the dog wetting himself every time he saw or heard Jon enter the room from that day on. That's a good story.....always a crowd pleaser! Hehe!

Long story short, it was a beautiful wedding weekend! It was so much fun to witness two people unite their hearts and lives in a fresh new union. I love new beginnings, new love, and fresh starts! It always gives me such a sense of hope to see that two people found love & fully embraced it because they believed in one another. It's a beautiful thing to behold & I have to admit it made me a little misty eyed to witness such a lovely union!

After the wedding ceremony the reception was outdoors, and even the thick humidity and mud puddles from the mornings rainstorm didn't put a damper on the fun! We ate, we drank, we danced.....oh, it's been such a long time since I danced that much! My husband isn't much for dancing, but about halfway through the night the groom's brother came and asked Jon if he could dance with me (we think he needed a "safe" dance partner because he was being followed by a decidedly "tipsy" female out on the dance floor-ha!) & then before we knew it Jon was out on the dance floor too. By the end of the night I was drenched with sweat & ready to throw myself in the swimming pool at the clubhouse, but I resisted figuring my new dress may not serve as a very good swim suit!

One the drive home Jon and kept talking about what a wonderful weekend we had just enjoyed & how we can't remember the last time we laughed that much. We actually slept in for once & had more than one conversation go uninterrupted....amazing what that will do for a couple! Now, if we could just find some more friends who are getting married......... ;-)

I LOVE old Churches! So beautiful!

David and his brother.

Jon and his new best friend! Ha!!

Beautiful reception!

Aww, the first dance. :-)

I've been thinking....

2010-06-04T14:55:00.001-05:00

*I wrote this post MONTHS ago & for some reason felt like I shouldn't post it. BUT...I never wanted to delete it either! So, today I decided to post it in the hope that if anyone else out there ever thinks some of these things then at least you know you are not alone! ;-)

I do that sometimes... shocking, I know. I've had several weeks with all 4 kids at home all day & you know what...they are NOT driving me crazy! Not yet..... Oh, sure the noise level has reached it's maxim potential a time or two & I hollered at them to "pipe down", but I've never felt like I was ready for my whole crew to go back to school all day. I guess I've just really missed them. How that is even possible to find such peace in my tiny, cramped home is beyond me, but it's true! I've been soaking up their little voices all day, especially Maya's voice, it's haunts me when I sleep... I love it so much! I also love the way they are all so different & unique in the way that they talk, play, sleep, wake, and think. How I got 4 completely different personalities & all 4 of them came from ME (and Jon...he had a little somethin' somethin' to do with the creation of this little kiddos, but I digress.) is astonishing! I can't get enough of them right now.

Maybe it's just all the syrupy nostalgia of the holidays still clinging to me because I love Christmas so much, but I'd like to think it's more than that. I'd like to think that I'm finally embracing this whole "mother of four" thing a little bit too. To be honest I was scared to death when I found out I was having a 4th kiddo! I never felt like I managed the three that I had very well & I was sure all my senses were going to go careening off the edge of some cliff if I added one more bumpkin to the mix. Well, I think I did lose my mind there for a little bit (who am I kidding...I permanantly lost 1/2 of it!), but I'm starting to re-gain a few of the brain cells I killed off due to sleep-deprivation and caffeine dependence. I struggled pretty heavily in those early Judah days & what I'm finding as the blanket of foggy, groggy-ness slowly lifts is a mama that loves what she does!

I'm not perfect & neither are my children, or my house. I don't love the messes 4 kids can create every 2.7 seconds & the 16 loads of laundry I face every week drive me nutty! However, I'm finally beginning to to let some of that go. It really doesn't matter after all! I'll never be able to control some of those things, so I've given myself permission to let go of what I can't always control. For example: Chandler kicked his teacher at school a few weeks ago & while I was not happy with what he did, I did not let that incident effect the way I feel about myself. I was able to say to myself; "you are still a good parent & you are doing a good job raising this kid...even though he just did something that was very wrong". It's hard to do...trust me! When our kids mess up we somehow see that as a direct reflection on US! But....that's not healthy & I refuse to take all of that on myself. When my kids argue and bicker, or make messes and don't clean them up I can't always beat myself up for that! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I've done what I needed to do to teach & instruct them otherwise, but they are no different than you and I! We mess up. We don't always do what we know we should do or could do & I believe that's a little thing called "free will"...or sometimes we could even call it "sin"-ha! I'm a little late on this getting this memo, but I've just begun to realize that my kids are individuals! They are not little extensions of me! They are as different as night and day & that was by design. It's like God was making a point to show me, quite litterally, that my kids ARE NOT ME! No, seriously....I'm just now getting that! (*I told you I was late getting that memo!)

All this pondering also got me thinking a lot about salvation. As far as I know none of my 4 children has come to what I would call a "deep and meaningful" understanding of salvation. Oh, sure...we have told them about Jesus & how much He loves them & how He sent His one and only son to die on the cross for their sins. We read Bible stories with them, and we even let G-ma White take them to vacation Bible school every summer. We also went to traditional Churches when they were younger that taught those things in Sunday School too. But, none of them have specifically and purposely asked deeper questions regarding salvation. You know what? I'm OK with that! I realize if I was a good Baptist I'd be fuh-reeeked out about the fact that my 4 year old is not saved yet, but I'm at peace with this for now. Jonathan and I have talked about this & we both decided that we want our children to OWN their salvation, not just adopt it from us. We don't want to force an experience on them at this young age that they may not even grasp for years to come. We want to feed and encourage them in the love of God & speak the truth to them with our words and our actions, but I'm not a big fan of "salvation by six" any longer.We want to give them the truth and let them ask the questions. Salvation is something that I take very seriously & I don't want to force my kids into it with scare tactics or undue pressure that they are somehow not "one of us" until become a believer.

I almost feel like it's better if my children begin to really understand that they are individuals first....set apart from mom and dad....and they have the free will to embrace the truth of God's word on their own. I grew up always feeling like I just "married into" Christianity. It was the belief of "my family" therefore I just sort of fell into the mold as well. I questioned my faith the older I got because I wondered if I really believed it, or if I just mimicked what I saw everyone else around me doing and saying. Turns out I really believed it (whew!)! BUT.....it took a few good years & several fights with myself and God to realize that I didn't just adopt the faith of my parents...it was mine because I truly believed it for myself!

I realize that what I'm saying right now may sound very strange, and almost sacrilege to some of you, but it's more of a personal conviction of mine I guess. I just know I struggled tremendously with feeling like I never really chose my faith. I remember trying to "re-save" myself at several revival events growing up because I was never sure if I "really meant it" or not the first 10 times I tried my hand at the ol' sinners prayer. I just want a different experience for my children. I want them to be filled with the truth & then come to the conclusions that I never got to come to on my own because some preacher told me I was going to Hell that very night if I didn't say some "magic words" that were going to save my soul from eternal damnation! I was scared into my "conversion" . Now that I'm grown I see that I didn't truly put my faith in Christ until much later! I was probably well into my adult years before I really grasped and understood what Jesus was to me, and what He did for me.

I don't know what I'm saying here! I think I just want to put down in words what I was thinking, just in case you ever think some of these things too. Really, all I wanted to say was: It's OK! It's OK to let your children be individuals. It's OK to let God's word sink into their little souls for YEARS before they finally grasp them for themselves. It's OK if your kids mess up...don't we all? It's OK if the little person(s) you are raising looks, acts, and thinks completely differently than you do-God probably did that on purpose too!

*Oh, and it's also OK if you are not feeling so warm and cozy about the fact that your children are probably going to spend the THIRD week in a row off of school going stir-crazy inside your home! It's also OK if you are not so excited that school was canceled today, because you were making plans for how you were going to spend your day off and now you have to wrangle your whole crew for yet another very long day spent indoors! Truth be told, I was sort of wishing my little drama queen, (Maya) was going to be able to play with her friends at preschool for 4 hours today. Oh, well.....guess we will find yet another good movie to watch while we sit on the couch snuggled under our cozy fleece Christmas snuggies! Praise God for those!

Going To The Pool...4 Little White's style!

2010-06-03T10:49:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was our official start to summertime. The kids had a half day of school & we planned our first big pool day following their release from ~~prison~~ the long school year. As luck would have it the sun was shining when I picked them up from school at 11:50, but at 12:15 when everyone had put on their swimsuits the skies turned cloudy. Trying to keep things positive, we still packed up the car and headed out to the swimming hole. As we were driving it got much darker & raindrops began to hit the windshield. Once we arrived at the pool it was looking downright nasty & thunder could be heard from off in the distance. At that point I had to make the executive decision to turn around & head back home to wait out the storm. The tears began to roll & I was feeling pretty bad that the day seemed to be taking a turn for the worse. This was not the way I wanted to kick off the summer!

Once we got home I let everyone make "indoor smores" and we popped a movie in to pass the time. About 1:45 the cloudy skies parted and full sunshine was once again shining brightly overhead!!! WooHoo!! The kids cheered and grabbed their swim gear & once again we were off for a day of fun in the sun. I think everyone was downright giddy at that point, except for Judah...we had to wake him up from his nap so we could leave...poor baby!

Now, here is what I have to say about taking a 8, 6, 4, and 1 year old to the pool by yourself....IT"S FREAKING HARD! I hope that one day my children will remember that I was giving it my best shot, but I am not an easy and relaxed mama at the pool that's for sure! The truth is, I have 4 children that are all at completely different swimming levels, and that makes taking all of them to the pool by myself a nightmare! Their abilities range from "confidant doggy paddler", to "wild thrasher of water/thinks he has 'swimming' abilities...but he really doesn't", to "don't want your help mama...I can drown on my own", to "if I so much as trip over my own pudgy toes I will sink like a rock in .7 seconds! My challenges are many & most of the time they are downright frightening, but I press on to give my children what I know they want and need. A lesser woman might curl up in a ball & cry in the corner of her living room, but I'm stupid enough to think I can handle the challenge on my own from time to time. Most of the time things end up in complete and total chaos, but that never seems to stop me-ha! Maybe that's what I hope my kids will remember....at least I tried :-).

So, you could say that yesterday went about as well as a pool outing with 4 children could go. Chandler worked up the nerve to ride the "Rocky Mountain Avalanche" (a 35 foot open tower water slide that you ride in a tube with your friends), and after that he was feeling particularly confident I guess & ended up almost drowning on the Lily Pad obstacle course. Of course, I had no knowledge of the near drowning since I was stuck over at the baby pool with the two little ones running my jiggly cellulite thighs all over the place trying to keep them safe. After the life guard informed me of what happened while I was no where in sight & the "incident report" was filed I turned around to find Maya crossing her legs in the kiddie pool. Off we ran to the potty, but it was too late as she had already pooped in her suit. Nice! We spent some time cleaning her up and rinsing out her suit with soap and water so we (and by "we" I mean me and Judah) could return to the pool, and once again we were off! Then, when it came time to leave we searched and searched for McKenna, but she was no where to be found! After about 30 minutes of searching we found her & she was actually mad at ME for losing HER! Ummmm........yeah, we will be working on the whole "you need to check in with Mom and let me know where you are at all times" thing. But....you get the picture I think ;-).

That's my life with 4 kids.....all.....summer....long! But, you know what? At the end of the day I still call it "fun", because somewhere in the middle of all the chaos I think we really did have fun! I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to outings with my kids I just have to accept that I am there to WORK and they are there to play. I'm convinced this whole idea of "everyone" getting to relax and enjoy themselves on family outings is purely a marketing scam that we buy into. There really is no such thing as relaxing when you go out with 4 little kids! Maybe I sound bitter, but actually I'm more resigned to that fact. It actually helps me keep things in perspective so that I don't have high hopes that get crushed when something "fun" is actually a whole lot of "work". If I just tell myself from the get-go that something is actually going to be a lot of work then I get to be pleasantly surprised when I find myself getting to relax a little ;-).

For those of you who don't have kids and think that my description of "fun" sounds completely ridiculous... well, you are sort of right! It is kind of crazy that I have to consider a near drowning, a screaming over-tired baby, a poopy toddler in a wet swim suit, and a missing 8 year old "fun", but you would just have to be me I guess. My kids are what put the color into my dull gray life & without these 4 little ones I wouldn't have very many funny stories to tell, or near as many reasons to smile! :-) The other side to this craziness is that somewhere in the hectic pace that is my reality I realize that I am so blessed to have the life I do....and that makes it ALL worth it!

Maybe if I just start writing again....

2010-06-01T23:52:00.001-05:00

...it will feel like I still have a blog! I wish I had a great explanation for my LONG absence from my blog, but I really don't. I used to think like a blogger, carry my little point and shoot camera in my purse everywhere I went, and say things like: "oh....this is going on the blog". However, I hit a ~~rut~~ sinkhole somewhere along the way & I just can't seem to crawl back out of it. I've certainly no shortage of tales to tell! If one thing still remains the same it's the fact that life with 4 little children is NEVER, EVER dull.

*Point-in-case; My older son was rescued by a teenage life-guard at the pool today when he fell off the lily-pad obstacle and could not swim. To make matters worse, I had no knowledge of this until the pool manager found me some time later & explained to me what had happened so that I could sign the "incident report" that I'm pretty sure said something like "Mrs White had no idea her son almost drowned because she has more freaking children than she can safely manage on her own at the freaking pool". Yes, I am now the Mom that all the other mothers (of one and two children) shake their head in disgust at because I don't always know where all my children are at all times! Sigh.....

Since I last wrote we have had so many good times (mostly with no pictures to share...sad but true.), and a few bad times (is it OK to admit that I hate the end of the school year more than my kids do?). I WISH so badly that I wouldn't have lost my blogging mojo when I did, because a few weeks ago when my 4 year old stole some pants off the neighbors clothesline when she wet her pants while playing outside I knew that was a blog-worthy story that needed to be told! Maybe I'll get to that....some day.

So, here is my self-diagnosis for why I quit blogging a few months back....I'm tired! Maybe even a little burned out too. It's been really hard to admit, but I think I'm starting to be able to say it out loud..."I never bargained for baby #4 to be this tough!". At first it seemed like a cinch. He was a sweet baby, he ate, he slept, he pooped. Wash, rinse, repeat...right? Then came the "oh, this baby isn't like his siblings....he doesn't love sleep!" phase. That "phase" is still sort of on-going, only now we are too out of our minds tired to hear him most of the time. So, we just say a little prayer every night that God will protect him while we are sleeping, because we (well, let's be honest here..."I"...) have spent the last 18 months rolling my unconscious body out of bed and crawling across the hall to go take care of "his majesty's" 3 am party whims. I'd like to announce that my "baby" (who is almost 2!) is now sleeping through the night, but that isn't exactly a regular 7 nights/ week sort of thing yet. We're getting close, folks....I'll keep you posted!

I think I'm also feeling like I sort of lost my way with this whole blog thing. At first I just posted pictures of the kids. Then I expanded it a little more and included a few little bits about me, what's on my mind, things that I love, etc. After that I wrote out a few recipes, and talked a little more about my faith, and the non-sugary sweet details of my everyday life. That's where things got a little weird. You see, I rarely have people comment, so it's always hard to know if the people who are reading what a wrote are able to accurately translate what I am really feeling, or meaning to say. For instance, sometimes I think I'm posting something sarcastic/funny, but no one comments & then a week or so later my friend/neighbor/family member will say "Is everything OK??....We read your blog last week & you sounded so hurt/depressed/blah/blah/blah". Then I have all this elaborate explaining to do & I have to reassure them that I'm just a really bad comedian. Other times I'll write something that I think is just simple, honest, and from the heart, and I'll have a bunch of people say "wow.....I can't believe you shared that....that was really bold/brave of you" & then I kinda wonder if maybe I shouldn't be quite so honest in cyber-space. The jury is still out on that one ;-)!

So, there you have it! I'm still an over-tired, stressed out, mess of a mom, that still can't decide which direction to take her simple little family blog! I guess I'm not much of a Wonder Woman after all! I like to keep trying though, and that's what counts! Oh, and my camera is on the fritz & it's taking all sorts of crappy/blurry shots (it's been dropped A LOT over the past 4 years!), so that has really done a number on my blogging enthusiasm. I mean, if I'm going to take the time to write about how I saved my baby's life when he was choking on a quarter (*life-saving CPR classes....take one!) then damn it...you need a gross picture of the dislodged quarter for your viewing pleasure! Really, the story just wouldn't have the same gusto without that image-ha!

*If anyone still reads this sad little blog...thank you! It's always fun to share stories from my chaotic little corner of the world. ;-).

When the house is quiet....

2010-04-07T11:36:00.001-05:00

...be afraid! Be VERY afraid! Or....just laugh really hard!

"Shh...be quiet, Judah...Mom might find us...here take a bite and keep your trap shut"

"OK...OK...man, you are gonna eat all of this before I can even take a bite!"

"Hey, sis... do you think Mom will be able to tell that we got into the pudding? "

"You better give me another bite real quick before she comes in and finds out that we are making a big mess and eating the older kids lunch stuff."

"Hand me that foil lid and I'll try to 'clean up' the evidence"

"Aww, man...she caught us! Now, act real cute! Maybe she won't be mad if we look really cute."

"Oh...oh....or try to show her what a good job you are doing by feeding yourself! She loves it when I do that! See how cute and innocent I am, Mom? Now, how can you be mad about that?"

No, I didn't fall into a black hole!

2010-04-07T11:17:00.000-05:00

I promise! But....I have been in a bit of a blogging funk that I can't seem to shake. It happens when you've had a blog this long. You feel like you've kinda run out of things to say & then when you have the frustration of an old camera & a computer that screws things up royally...well, it kind of creates a perfect recipe for "black hole syndrome". Yep, it happens...but I'm trying to climb out of it now & move on.

I've got a lot to catch up on & we will see how far I get between kids naps and the 10 loads of laundry I need to catch up on. Yes....I almost always have 10 loads of laundry...sorry you have to hear about that so much!

Right now I'm trying to focus on getting ready for my first 1/2 marathon of the year. It should be fun! I'm taking a mini road trip with some running girlfriends this weekend & we should have a great time. I've been kinda sick this week, so I'm not going to expect great things from this race, but it will be nice to get back into the running groove again.

My random stream-of-consciousness thoughts for today.

2010-02-22T14:12:00.000-06:00

I'm tired. So, very, very tired. I'm tired of puke & diarrhea. I'm tired of washing sheets, and blankets, and towels, and PJ's, and then having to wash everything all over again. I'm so tired of being tired. I can't seem to remember what normal feels like anymore. I have a clingy, whiny baby that cries all day & wants to be held non-stop & because of this I get nothing done. Nothing! Why won't this kid sleep?? He is not a lover of sleep...but that is mostly my fault....it's my genes...he comes by that one honestly. I'm trying to be patient with this phase, really I am. I know that this time will pass all too quickly & one day I'll be saying "I miss those days when my baby wanted me to hold him all the time". So....I hold him & I sit at the computer and type blog posts while he sits on my lap and bangs the keyboard with his bottle. It's what I do to feel productive when I know I can't really do much that is actually productive.

My house is cluttered. I don't do well with clutter. I hate clutter. It drives me to the brink of insanity & then somewhere in my mind I come to the conclusion that the only way to solve my clutter problem is to burn the house down and start all over. Brilliant...right? I'm the problem solver in the family. It's a gift.

I ate pizza and Mountain Dew for lunch yesterday and today. I also made the Pioneer Woman apple dumplings last night...they were wonderful, and fattening, and horribly, disgustingly bad for me...and I ate them anyway. It's part of the healthy eating plan I've been on. Did I not mention that? Yeah, I've been trying to eat much, much healthier this year & I've lost....nothing! Nothing...that's encouraging, isn't it? So, when my entire house came down with this wicked flu, I said "screw it" and went on a shopping trip that included fruits & veggies for my husband, juice and crackers for the sickies, and pop-tarts, and apple dumpling ingredients for myself.....because I'm eating healthy this year.

I want to move. I want to move so bad. If I could loathe this city any more it would be a sin, so I just try to despise it with all my heart most of the time. There is just something about this city. It's like, this is where people come to die. People who were formerly happy somewhere else come here...and then they die. It's a charming city like that. It's puts us right there on the map with those cozy little New England ski villages, and the sunny, fun-loving west coast towns where a "bad" day is one where it's cloudy for a few hours. Yeah, so come visit KC...where people come to kill their dreams! I don't think the city will post that on the welcome signs, but they might as well. I'm grumpy. And I want to move...but I think I already mentioned that.

I think I need some sun. And maybe a nice long run to go with that sunshine. Sleep probably wouldn't hurt either. If I got everything I wanted I might also ask for a WHOLE weekend away with my husband, instead of just the 20 hours we got to celebrate our 10 anniversary. Most people go on cruises, or take a nice vacation for such and occasion. However, when you have 4 kids people think your asking for too much if you ask for 2 hours, so we really had it good when we got 20 hours!. I want to rip people a new one when they complain about "only" getting a weekend away with their husband. "Only"....really? I can't even go out on a date with my husband without the grandparents asking "so how long do you think this is gonna take".

I just realized that every single last thing in this "stream-of-consciousness" post is negative. Yep. I'm not feeling ubber positive today, and I'm OK with that. I can't blow sunshine out my woo hoo all the time, that would get on my nerves real quick. I promise I'll try a little harder to highlight a positive thing or two the next time I do one of these. I did sign up for a race the other day, so as soon as I can return to civilization with my germy kids I'm going to get back to the gym & run my little heart out. I'd say "run my butt off", but I think I already mentioned how well the weight loss efforts have been working out for me so far.

Well, two kids just pooped in their underwear at this VERY moment. No, I'm not kidding........gotta go!

Maya goes to the ER.

2010-02-19T13:11:00.000-06:00

We knew the day would come. We knew it from the moment she was just 7 months old and pulled herself up to standing just so she could get at her older brother and pull his hair. We knew this day was coming! To be honest, I can't believe Maya survived over 4 years before her and her brother came to this place! But, it finally happened last weekend. After a wild game of "Ninja Warriors", Maya finally learned that her older brother that outweighs her by more than 20 pounds, and towers over her by almost a foot, is in fact, stronger than her! Really, I'm not sure that she got that message before last weekend! However, after just one ~~calculated~~ mighty ninja shove/kick from her much older, much stronger brother, she got the message!

I wasn't in the room (because I was trying to get ready for our Valentine's date night that never happened), but I heard the dull "thump" when her head hit the dining room chair. To be honest, I didn't think much of it at first because this is a daily ritual that Maya and Chandler go through. The crying ensued, & I began to lecture on the many valid reasons why "we don't ninja ~~thump~~ kick our siblings". I then tried to send Maya to the couch to watch her favorite ~~"babysitter"~~ Barbie Fairytopia DVD (so I could finish getting ready), but as I turned to walk away I heard McKenna gasp & Maya say "Uh-oh....it's a lot of blood!".

It was at that moment in time when I learned two very important things: 1) Head wounds bleed A LOT, and 2) When you have 4 small children it's always a good idea to keep first aid supplies replenished. With no gauze, peroxide, or other important first aid supplies handy, I just scooped her up and ran to the bathtub. I quickly got her undressed and into the tub so that I could rinse all the blood out of her hair & try to find the source of all the bleeding. The tub water instantly turned pink from all the blood & I was sure I was going to find a much larger gash than what I actually discovered. When we got the bleeding to slow down I discovered that the wound was smaller than I had anticipated (did I mention that head wounds bleed A LOT!). At first I thought "oh, good...maybe we won't need stitches after all", but after waiting several hours in vain for the bleeding to stop for good, we gave up and decided that little miss had just earned herself her first trip to the ER!

I'll stop my story there, because the rest is just boring & involves 6 freaking hours of ~~losing my mind with a restless 4 year old who was climbing all over the germ-filled floors of the ER~~ waiting. Yes, we waited for 6 hours in the ER for 3 small stitches! Can't wait to get my $1000 bill for that! However, I think after this last ER experience I'm going to start a facebook fan page called "I think you should get a huge discount on your ER bill if you have to wait 6 hours to be seen!". I'm pretty sure I'll get 1 million fans overnight!

Here are some pictures of our ER adventure!

Just chillin'. Watching a little National Geographic channel, followed by the late night edition of the winter Olympics. We caught the whole thing since we were there for 6 hours (did I already mention that?)!

The nurse wrapped this gauze around her head to keep the numbing gel in place, & because Maya was freaking out every time she turned over on her pillow and got blood on the pillow case. Once she was all numb she fell right to sleep. Poor baby!

After the traumatic stitches were through! She woke up as soon as the Dr. started the stitches & it took three adults to hold her down! Not a fun thing to wake up to I'm sure!

Look....she's still my baby!

WARNING! Head wound picture!

(It's really not bad at all...but some people have a weak stomach!)

See.... just a tiny little 1/2 inch gash. Could have been worse!

Washed By The Water

2010-02-17T23:52:00.001-06:00

Washed By The Water

by NeedToBreathe, Album: The Heat

Daddy was a preacher
She was his wife
Just tryin to make the world a little better
You know, shine a light
People started talking
Trying to hear their own voice
Those people tried to accuse my father
Said he made the wrong choice
Though it might be painful
You know that time will always tell
Those people have long since gone
My father never failed

Even when the rain falls
Even when the floods start rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet
Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me
I won't never ever let you down
I won't fall
I won't fall
I won't fall as long as you're around me

Even when the rain falls
Even when the floods start rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

*So, here is the story....I kinda love this song! It speaks something to my soul that stirs so much emotion in me that I can't help but throw my hands up in the air & sing right along with it! Because, you know what? Even when the rain falls... even when the floods start rising...even when the storm comes... I am washed by the water! Amen!!

I love that something as simple as a song on the radio can be God's way of saying to me "I see you, Amber". The truth of the matter is this: My Daddy was a preacher & I know JUST what the author of this song is talking about. My family and I have in fact, "been crucified by the ones we love" . It was horrific & nothing but evil! But...you know what? I'm still here! I'm still here, and I still believe with all my heart that God is good. What my family lived through during those years "in the ministry" was nothing short of pure Hell. On. Earth. There is no other way to describe watching in horror as "Church Leaders" show up at your house on a sunny Saturday afternoon to "remove" your father from his ministry position in the Church because some ugly lie was spread about him & it infected the whole congregation. All I saw from that scenario was that Christian "leaders" do and say some of the most awful, hurtful things to their very own! The things I saw fellow Christians say and do....they were things that should NEVER be said or done! It was sad...it was heart wrenching...it was wrong, and it separated the lives and friendships of so many wonderful people who should have never been separated. It's very hard for me to recall much of those days with "fond" memories, but thank God I have a few precious gems that made it through that fire!

That's one of the hardest things I've struggled with throughout my walk with Christ. From the time I was a very little girl I saw the most wicked things done to my family at the hands of "The Church", which made me not so fond of "The Church" (or at least what I thought the Church was). I saw my parents sacrifice so much of their lives for people who betrayed them & threw them out like yesterday's garbage! In the end it made me more than just a little bitter. I didn't understand it then, and I still don't understand it now. But, the one thing I do know is this: What I witnessed during those times of great sadness and suffering was not "The Church" . That wasn't what Jesus called believers to do. Jesus doesn't hurt like that! Jesus doesn't turn around and crucify you when you don't expect it. Jesus doesn't betray like that!

That's why I love that the message of this song is that we can let those "storms" in our lives wash us....cleanse us...change us... uncover the beauty that's hiding under all the layers of pain! When I grew up and left home I had two choices I could make : #1) Be done with Christians who seemed to do nothing but hurt each other, or #2) Believe that Jesus doesn't hurt like that, and search for that kind of fellowship. I chose #2! ;-) Praise God for His faithfulness!

I've decided to come out of the shadows a little, and open up about what is going on inside my head these days. I've eluded to these thoughts quite a bit, but I don't want to be elusive anymore...I want to come right out and say more of what I'm thinking! I know I need to be careful in how I portray my point of view though, which is why I have not always laid things out in black and white, and just said what was really on my mind. However, I'm on a quest to be authentic this year in regards to what I post on my blog. Part of that desire to be "real" (or authentic) stems from my new found passion to seek out Jesus for who he really is...not who I was taught to think He is within the walls of organized religion. But, let me be clear...this is my journey. What I say is mine & mine alone! I don't think you have to think the same things as me to be "right". I won't crucify anyone for respectfully disagreeing with me either. There's enough room in this boat for everyone! So, sit back over the next couple of months and talk with me about what's on your mind & what in your heart. I've got a lot of stuff swirling around in this head of mine & I'm about to let it out...carefully of course!

Balance!

2010-02-03T10:38:00.001-06:00

This cute little man has surprised me lately with a special little talent. He doesn't even know he has this "talent" yet. In fact, he may never really know about this unique gift he possesses but it will always be special to me!

You see, Judah has become the great "equalizer" in our family. He is our Luke Skywalker. The one that brings balance to the force.The last piece to the puzzle. The one that makes us all complete!

He gets right in there with his older siblings without realizing that he is much too little to be doing what they are doing. It's as if he doesn't even realize that he is still a baby.

He makes sure everyone feels loved!

He is everyone's playmate and friend!

He even let's the older kids have a laugh at his expense!

He sends them off to school feeling loved!

He never forgets to say goodbye!

He even reads them a bedtime story! Yes, this little baby boy is what was missing from our family all along! I don't know how we ever managed without him!

10 years adds a little perspective.

2010-02-02T15:45:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say for my "10 Year Anniversary" post. However, I came to the conclusion that I don't really have anything profound to say, which is why I've been putting off doing a blog post about it (how's that for honesty?).

The truth is, this last decade has been the biggest, most life-changing, defining time in my entire life. Even if I live to be 100 I don't know if another decade will shape my life as profoundly as these past 10 years have. I mean, I DID get married & have all 4 of my children in the last 10 years, so that was pretty life-changing! I'm sure I have MANY more adventures on the horizon, but probably nothing quite like the first 10 years of my marriage. I'm also not naive enough to believe that I've somehow "arrived" and have things figured out either! I've still got a lifetime of learning to do!

What I do know is this; "Life never slows down or stops, it just ebbs and flows like the oceans tide". That's one of the biggest things I've learned over the last decade. I guess that's not very profound, but it's where I'm at right now. For the longest time I kept thinking things will get easier when.... but that "when" never came! I learned to make things happen if I really, really wanted them! I also learned that the things you want to keep, you have to fight for! Nothing is free...ever! Except for the grace of God...but that goes without saying ;-).

These last 10 years weren't full of happy clouds and joyous singing all the time either! I went through a lot of crap that I'm happy to see gone & I hope and pray that I never have to experience those things ever again! The real truth of the matter is this: I lost a baby due to miscarriage, & that hurt me terribly. I felt the sting of rejection from close friends, and I cried. I walked down a very lonely road of discontentment and depression. I dealt with a very tough learning disability diagnosis in one of my children, and I was angry and frustrated & blamed myself for things that were out of my control. I felt hurt and disappointed, and I tried to run away from God because I was angry. At my lowest point I even dared to speak the "D" word when my marriage got tough...but those are not the sorts of things that most people talk about are they?

But, you know what? I think we need to talk about those things from time to time. Life isn't easy & it doesn't get any easier. If we go around pretending to be "fantastic" all of the time & don't deal with these sorts of things, then what does that say about us? I could have just told you all that I just celebrated my 10 year anniversary with my wonderful husband who I am crazy in love with & left it at that. It's true too! My husband is wonderful & we are very much in love, so why talk about all the other stuff? Well, I think I'm just trying to keep it real, peeps! Sometimes that's hard to do when you are sitting behind a computer screen & you can create this artificial lens that you want people to see you through. Sometimes, I read what I write on here and think to myself: "Well, that smells a little bit like rosey poo doesn't it?".

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...the one thing I admire most in a person is honesty! So, I guess it would behoove me to keep it real with myself as well! The real truth is, I'm really doing this whole blogging thing for me & my family. The fact that I'm putting it out there for the rest of the world to read just keeps me in line (OK...OK...and it's kinda fun to share some of this stuff with you all!). If I'm gonna take the time to write out my feelings and talk about my memories, then I better be real about what I'm saying and what I'm feeling!

OK. Enough with all that "keeping it real" crap! I promise I won't put you through that too often ;-) In the spirit of more traditional blog posts, I give you:

My Ten Year, Top 10!

(My 10 reasons why being married this long is awesome! aka "The first 10 things that popped into my head about being married for the last 10 years" )

1.) I no longer feel embarrassed when I "let one loose". After all the other things my husband has seen me through...that one just doesn't seem to compare anymore.

2.) He finally knows a few of my favorite things!

3.) We really do appreciate the little things more and more.

4.) He can "speak for me"...and most of the time he is right on!

5.) We fight a LOT less than we used to.

6.) "Desperation is the mother of creativity"...and we have become pretty creative people ;-)

7.) He tells me I'm beautiful all the time! Despite the fact that I've had 4 babies, bare the marks of one who has had 4 babies, am reaching "that age" when things start to slide to the south and wrinkle, and I regularly get into cat fights with my jeans. Yes, despite all of that he still tells me I'm beautiful!

8.) We still like each other! No, really...that's a big one! There are plenty of married folks who don't appear to like each other very much. We still enjoy each other & can't wait to be together every day.

9.) We keep our mouth shut when we are supposed to! You know, not every little thing should be shared with ones mate...and we have finally learned this fine art of common sense communication. It's a thing of beauty, really!

10.) Yes.....it only gets better! (I'll leave the "it" open to interpretation...but I definitely mean one specific thing!)

I Kinda Miss The Snow...

2010-01-25T16:34:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I'm saying this, because it's sort of against my religion to say such things...but I miss the snow! Now, don't confuse this with thinking that I'm saying "I love winter", because I don't...that's just crazy talk. BUT...since I don't live on the west coast where it's sunny and warm year round I have to make my peace with "Old Man Winter" every year and just accept that it's gonna be brutally cold for a couple of months.

However, a few weeks back when the ground was blanketed with a beautiful fluffy covering of snow I just had to smile. At least if it was gonna be cold we got something pretty to go with that package! The fact that we also got a "White Christmas" out of the deal was also an extra bonus. I'm pretty sure we got about a foot of snow, which is not the "norm" for our area, but boy did my kiddos have fun playing in all that fluffy stuff! While I'm still not a fan of winter I'd have to admit that I do kinda miss looking out my window to view a real winter wonderland. It was pretty while it lasted...

My nephew, Owen, roaring down the big hill!

Maya and Uncle Evan at the top of the sledding hill.

McKenna waiting in line. Wait a second....where is that child's hat? Someone should really tell her mother to go hunt down her lost hat on that snow packed hill. Goodness sakes...it was 17 degrees! Get a hat on that kid!

Maya was having the time of her life!

Ready to go!

OK....is that just plain cute or what?

*Chandler didn't make it in any of these pictures because he is a summer baby like his momma & he spent the bulk of his sledding time running to the truck to warm up so that he could go back out for another run down the hill. He wanted to like the snow...he really did...it's just not in his blood to really accept that 20 degrees is even remotely acceptable for outdoor playtime! Blame it on his wimp of a momma who stayed in the truck the WHOLE time & just watched everyone else play in the snow ;-).

McKenna and Daddy!

2010-01-22T11:49:00.000-06:00

Over the Christmas Break Jonathan took McKenna to work with him for a special "Daddy/ Daughter" day. McKenna had been looking forward to this day for a very long time! I remember doing the same thing with my Dad when I was about her age & I love that McKenna got to do the same. I know she loved it because it was a special time where her daddy got to focus some individual attention on just her (something that's hard for parents with 4 little ones to do very often!). Truth be told, that's really what the day was all about, but I also think McKenna got a little glimpse of what it means for her daddy to be a "provider" for our family too. That night she asked me "So, daddy gets paid when he goes to work and helps other people fix their computers and stuff". Yep....she picked up on that just from spending some quality time with her dad at his work!

I believe kids need to see their parents "in action" sometimes in order to appreciate and develop a good work ethic. It's so sad to me that so many young people in our society are lazy and unmotivated because they have been handed everything without having to go out and work for it to earn it! Jon and I want to give our kids opportunities, don't get me wrong...I just don't want them to think that just because they have been given an opportunity it means they won't have to WORK to keep it. One of the best principles Jon and I learned from our Dave Ramsey course was that WE are the ones that are going to change our family tree! It starts with us & what we teach our children about life, work, and finances. It starts when we show our kids that we work hard for what we have, and that we get rewarded when we stick with something long enough to see it through to the end.

In a world that tempts us with "get rich quick" schemes, and a government that tells us we have a "right" to something we did not work for.... boy do I have my work cut out for me! I want my children to know that the only thing that lasts is that which you work for and EARN! I want them to own their successes & know that it is hard work and wise financial planning that earns them true "financial freedom". Oh, and I want them to know those principles because that's what they saw their parents live out ;-).

McKenna Working hard on her fashion designs.

Helping daddy with the backup tapes.

McKenna the master sorter ;-)

Out to lunch with Daddy.

The best part of lunch!

What a great day!

Christmas 2009 Pictures

2009-12-28T11:55:00.000-06:00

Christmas Eve.

Pop-Pop White reads the Christmas story from Luke 2.

All the White Grandkids.

Chandler got 3 shirts for Christmas and every time he opened a new one he immediately put it on over the one he was wearing. He wore all three shirts the whole night!

Aunt Becky and McKenna

Me and Judah (wearing his first KU T-shirt!)

Happy Birthday Jesus!

And to think, if I had only waited 13 years between my children I could have had this! Ben was a great "babysitter" on Christmas Eve. All my little ones think their cousin Ben is the coolest "big kid" EVER!

Christmas Morning.

Judah is still looking a little sleepy. Must have been his 6:00 am wake up time (thanks pumpkin!).

"I could really get into this ripping of the paper stuff...this is GREAT!".

Try not to hurt yourself with that goofy smile, Maya!

Yeah....I'm fading fast.....

I think she likes it!

You can't really tell in this picture....but that is indeed a WHITE Christmas you see out the front window! We must have had 8+ inches of snow Christmas Morning!

This was THE gift Chandler asked for the most!

And McKenna was so happy for him....awwwwww!

Judah is begging to be put to bed now!

But not before he checks out one last Christmas gift. I LOVE this little baby squat thing he does.

Oh, Maya...that extra cheesy smile kills me :-)!

Chandler will now explain exactly how to use his new Bakugan battle brawler.

*After all of this fun we went to my parents house for more food, fun, and festivities...and we forgot the camera! Hey, at least we remembered all of our kids, two giant boxes of food, another giant box of board games, presents, blankets, coats, PJ's, diaper bags, Christmas movies, and a special request for a batman toy for Zion to use in his new Batman jet. Someone explain to me how I remember a small Batman action figure for my nephew to borrow, but I forget my camera?? Really...how does that work? One of these years I'm gonna get it together...or at least I'll keep telling myself that!

The Nutcracker Ballet!

2009-12-28T10:31:00.000-06:00

The girls in my family started a tradition a few years ago of going to the Nutcracker Ballet every other Christmas. (We would love to go every Christmas but it's a bit pricey, so for now we settle for every other year.) It's always a fun day filled with beautifully dressed little girls & plenty of Christmas magic! This year ALL the girls in my family got to attend, including great grandma Martin. I look forward to carrying on this family tradition for many, many years to come.

Christmas Cookies

2009-12-28T09:18:00.000-06:00

I know Christmas is over now, so I'll make this post relatively short. Here is what took up most of my time in the month of December. My butt is twice as wide now, but it was worth it! I'll just hit the gym in January and sign up for another race to get my rear slimmed down :-). It's not likely that I'll ever quit baking, so I guess this is how I'll have to handle my yearly over-indulgence filled with this sort of cookie madness.

Peanut Blossoms

Fudge

Orange Drop Cookies

Cinnamon Rolls

Red Velvet Cake Balls

Dipped Pretzels

Pretzel Hugs

Sugar Cookies

Chocolate Covered Cherry Cookies

"My name is Amber, and I have a serious baking addiction" -Amen.

New Stuff Coming Soon!

2009-12-18T12:45:00.000-06:00

My computer has been acting up lately & Jon had to re-build the whole dang thing (Mac users...save me the lecture...I know...I know!). I STILL don't have my camera software installed so I can't post fun new pictures and videos just yet. Because I have not been blogging I've had more to time to bake...and BAKE I have! I'm trying some new cookie and candy recipes this year and as soon as I can post pictures I'll share them with you.

Right now I'm going to go crank up the Nutcracker music and enjoy the fact that as of 30 minutes ago my kids are officially on "Christmas Break"!

Adventures with Cinnamon Rolls...

2009-12-09T09:16:00.004-06:00

I've been trying to come up with something new to fix this year for teachers and neighbors since I've been giving out the same Christmas cookies every year & I'm kinda bored with that. I've always had an unnatural fear of yeast breads for reason too submerged in my subconscious to even understand, so I try not to go there. However, I decided to face my fears yesterday & just get over it! I heard about "The Pioneer Woman" site about two months ago (thank you, Theresa!) & this wonderful cattle ranchers wife, and her awesome food photography spurred me on to greatness yesterday! Well....sorta. I tried her famous Cinnamon Roll recipe and while things were not as simple as she makes it sound, it was a good learning experience & I DID make 8 whole pans of cinnamon rolls!

I followed the recipe EXACTLY as it was written and the only problem I ran into was that my dough was pretty soft and sticky even after adding the 9 freaking cups of flour with another CUP of flour sprinkled over the rolling surface! My cinnamon rolls did not cut into cute Pillsbury pinwheels like PW shows in her pictures & I would not call this an "easy" recipe (PW rates this as an "easy" recipe on her site...but that woman is smoking some high quality crack if she really thinks this process is "easy"!). Whatev' PW! I had oozing melted butter and cinnamon/sugar mixture rolling all over my counter and even dripping onto my floors & shoes! Every time I tried to cut a roll it stuck to my knife and fell apart before I could get it transferred to the pan. I fought really hard to keep my smooshy dough looking somewhat "circular" and cinnamon roll-ish which started making me really frustrated toward the end . I'm glad I didn't give up though, because the end result (while not very aesthetically pleasing) was very, very yummy!

I'm going to try my hand at these cinnamon rolls again for Christmas (and teacher gifts), but next time I think I'm gonna cut down on the butter and sugar used inside the rolls (I think 1/2 cup of melted butter is PLENTY and brown sugar might work a little better then white sugar). The maple frosting on top is to die for, but it's also VERY sweet so you don't need a truck load of sugar inside the rolls too! I'm also going to work a little extra flour into my dough before I actually roll it out. Oh, and in case you live in fear of yeast rolls like I did for the first 30 years of my life, here are a few tips I found that made things a little easier:

-When you scald your milk only bring it up to about 185-190 degrees (I used a candy thermometer).

- Let your scalded milk cool down for about 50 minutes & don't add your yeast until the mixture cools to about 125-130 degrees.

-If your kitchen is really cold (like it probably is today on this 4 degree day!) then turn on your oven to preheat and leave your dough in the pan on top of the oven (yeast likes a nice cozy warm environment to rise).

-"Sticky/Wet" dough is way too tough to handle, so it's best to work a little (a little light kneading where your turn the dough into some flour with the heel of your hands) flour into the sticky mess before you try to roll it out.

-Yeast dough probably takes a little time and patience to get better at, but it's well worth the effort!
****************************************************

This is what my pans of cinnamon rolls ended up looking like (not so pretty, huh?), but the frosting sorta covered a multitude of sins so to speak-ha!

Pumpkin Muffins!

2009-12-07T15:43:00.003-06:00

(RECIPE)

-1 box yellow cake mix

-1/4 cup flax seed meal (optional)

-1 tsp pumpkin pie spice (or more if you want!)

-1/4 cup oil

-2 eggs

-1 can of pumpkin

*DO NOT ADD ANY WATER!

-Preheat oven to 350

Mix all ingredients

Pour into greased muffin tins...and bake for about 18-20 minutes.

Turn around and realize that while you have been baking your one year old has been systematically taking apart the lower shelves in your pantry!

Clean up baby just as the timer goes off on the oven!

Take muffins out of oven.

Children and husband will come flocking to the kitchen to devour said muffins...watch out!

*Only after you have eaten all of the muffins will you realize you forgot to take a picture of the finished product! Such is life with 4 Little Whites to feed and care for!

Judah's new "Tricks"

2009-12-07T13:20:00.005-06:00

This baby boy is surprising us every day with new little "tricks" & sometimes I have to admit that each new milestone is a little bittersweet for me. Baby "Jubs" is almost certainly our last little White which means all these cute little "firsts" are my "lasts". The last time I'll hear one of my babies say "ma ma" for the first time. the last time I'll get to witness those pudgy little baby feet take their first steps, and the last time I'll get to witness one of my babies "shhhhhh" his older siblings when they are being loud in the car-LOL! OK...so that last one is unique to Mr Judah, but it's super cute & I even caught a picture of him doing it :-)

Seriously......you guys are so L-O-U-D! Knock it off!

SHHHHHHHHH!

My Baby turned 8!

2009-12-07T12:45:00.003-06:00

I'm going to try to get my blog up to speed this week. After a few weeks of craziness & a very old computer that is starting to have a mind of it's own (sigh) it's been tough to keep up with the blogging world, but I'll give it my best shot this week!

The day after Thanksgiving was McKenna's birthday & we had a great time celebrating with our sweet big girl. We bought her some new clothes, a new webkins & of course, some new Hello Kitty makeup! Then we took her to Burger King (her choice!) & to the movies! After the movies we went back to Grandma & Grandpas house for pizza & red velvet cupcakes.

Thanksgiving Recipes!

2009-11-20T13:51:00.002-06:00

Here are a few of my favorite Thanksgiving Recipes. Be brave...try em' out this year!

Twice Baked Sweet Potatoes.

3 Medium Sweet Potatoes (around 2 lbs) *Scrub them well!

5-6 slices of Bacon

2 Tablespoons Dark Brown Sugar

3 Tablespoons butter

2 small shallots

1 teaspoon Fresh minced rosemary + a little extra for garnish

1 large egg

4 Tablespoons heavy cream

1/2 Cup finely grated Gruyere cheese (the recipe calls for about 2 oz...but I always use more than just 2 oz!) +extra cheese for garnish

Kosher salt and fresh ground pepper.

1) Preheat oven to 400. Pierce sweet potatoes with a fork& line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Bake potatoes until tender...about 45 minutes. Remove potatoes and let them cool while you cook the bacon.

2) Line a baking sheet with foil. Place a wire cookie rack on the aluminum lined sheet and arrange bacon strips on the wire rack. Sprinkle with brown sugar & cook in the 400 degree oven for about 12-15 minutes. Remove from oven and roughly chop. *I have skipped the whole wire rack/foil lined sheet before & just sprinkled the brown sugar on the bacon and put it in the microwave on paper towels. Both methods have there drawbacks (they kinda make a mess!), but the sweet/crispy/crunchy bacon bits are worth the trouble...trust me!

3) Melt 1 Tablespoon butter in a medium heat skillet and add shallots; cook until soft-about two minutes. Add rosemary and cook for 1 more minute. Remove from heat.

4)Carefully split potatoes lengthwise & CAREFULLY spoon out flesh, leaving about 1/4 inch shell; set the halves on a baking sheet. Place flesh in the bowl of an electric mixer with paddle attachment. Add 2-3 more tablespoons butter, shallot/rosemary mixture/ egg/ cream/ and Gruyere. Mix until well combined. Season with salt and pepper.

5) *Transfer mixture to pastry bag fitted with very large star tip. Pipe mixture into shells. Bake until golden, about 20 minutes. Garnish with extra Gruyere, rosemary, and bacon. Enjoy!

*You can skip the whole pastry bag step if you are not a cake decorator :-) & just spoon the mixture into the shells. Or...you can put the mixture into a large gallon size baggie and cut the tip off the the end of the baggie and pipe the filling into the shells that way!

Caramel Apple Pie.

1 prepared 9 inch pie crust (deep dish). I make my own most of the time, but I won't tell anyone if you use the cheater store-bought ones...I've done it a time or two before (hanging head).

Pie Filling:

6 Medium apples (about 2 3/4 pounds), peeled, cored, and thinly sliced. I use Jonathan apples, and golden delicious apples most of the time.

3/4 Cup packed light brown sugar.

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon.

tiny pinch of ground cloves (*don't tell Jon I add cloves or he won't eat this pie anymore!).

*Stir together sugar, flour, and spices. Sprinkle over sliced apples & toss to coat.

Crumb Topping:

1 Cup light brown sugar.

1/2 Cup Flour

1/2 cup (rounded) quick cooking oats

1 stick of butter + 2 Tablespoons (1/2 Cup + 2 Tablespoons)

1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/2 Cup chopped pecans

*Combine brown sugar, flour, oats, cinnamon & nutmeg. Keep butter well chilled & cut the butter into small chunks & combine it with the oat/flour/sugar/spice mixture until it is like course crumbs. *Add pecans and stir well.

*Pour sliced apple mixture into well-chilled pie crust.

*Sprinkle crumb topping over apple mixture.

*Place pie on a cookie sheet so the drippings won't burn to the bottom of your oven.

*Cover pie crust with strips of aluminum foil.

*Bake at 375 for the first 30 minutes. Reduce temp to 350 and bake for another 30 minutes. You may need to loosely tent the whole pie with aluminum foil during the last 20 minutes if the topping is looking too dark brown.

**You do not have to add the pecans to the crumb topping either. You can add the pecans AFTER you remove the pie from the oven if you want them to be a little more crunchy. Jon likes it when I add the pecans to the top after it's done baking, but it's a little easier (I think) to just throw em' in the topping mixture. It's your choice.

1/3 Cup Caramel Topping

*Let your pie cool for about 15 minutes and then drizzle top with caramel topping! Divine!!

How He Loves Us.

2009-11-19T01:41:00.000-06:00

*I have this little memory I love to recall from time to time because it often makes me wonder if this is how God sees me.

********************************************************************************

It was late. Everyone had left the hospital & I was all alone holding my firstborn in my arms & drinking in her beauty. I counted her toes, ran my fingers through her soft baby hairs, and kissed her chubby little cheeks. As I stared at her angelic little sleeping face I whispered to her: "I'm your Mommy...and...I love you SO much".

I think it was the very first time in my life that I felt such a deep, intense love for someone like that. Right after I whispered those words into her tiny little ears I gently pressed my forehead to hers & the tears just came streaming down my cheeks, soaking her tiny little tummy! It was as if someone had just released a dam that was holding a thousand years worth of tears & now they were all coming at once. I was so overcome with with love for my firstborn that I couldn't hold back the emotion, and the tears just seemed to flow effortlessly, soaking my tiny little babe in salty wet raindrops of pure unbridled love. It was one of the most awesome emotions I have ever felt in my entire life & it was as if someone had just awakened a new depth of understanding in my soul.

As I sat there sobbing love-filled tears that soaked my baby's little white hospital shirt, I wondered "Is this how the Lord feels about me". The thought kinda scared me at first! Surely not!! I don't deserve to have the Lord of the universe feel this for me... do I?? That's when it occurred to me that the whole reason He calls himself my "father" is because when He looks at me He DOES feel this sort of indescribable love for me. Nothing I could ever do or say would be able to separate me from that love that Jesus says He has for me! What an AWESOME thought!

I hope if you are reading this you take a moment today to feel God's love being poured all over you. Because I know that when He looks down at us, His beautiful children, He aches with a love for us that is so strong that our finite little minds cannot even comprehend it. In fact, the first time I started to tap into understanding that kind of love I was so overcome by it that I couldn't stop crying (happy tears of course!). Now that's a love that can only come from a savior that loved us so much that he would lay down His very own life for us :-). Oh, how He does indeed LOVE us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWgeUrD4MHI

Sick Day/ Turkey Day....My thoughts on both!

2009-11-16T10:25:00.001-06:00

I have a sick baby today. He is coughing & hacking, crying and clinging, dripping with green snot & utterly miserable! It's a sad sight to see. McKenna was sick for about 3 days last week & then she perked right up & skipped back to school just in time for the circus field trip. I love how McKenna is very rarely sick & when she is it's never for very long. That kid has the immune system of the gods I tell ya! Nothing gets her down....nothing! Sometimes I wonder if that's an advantage of being the oldest kid?? Then there is my boys.....the "wimpy White boys"....oh, they are a mess! Chandler is guaranteed to get pneumonia once a year & if there is a "bug" going around, he's gonna get it. Every. Time. (sigh). However, by some small miracle he is not sick just yet! Let's not say miracles never happen-mmmm-kay? He could make it through this plague unscathed.....he could. I just know it....or, I just really HOPE it ;-). Either way, I'm wishing with all my heart that we get all this sickness behind us in time for Thanksgiving.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, oh boy, am I ready to cook! I went to Sam's Club yesterday to get ready & let me tell you...I AM READY! I bought 4 lbs of butter, 6 bricks of cream cheese, a quart of heavy cream, a quart of half & half (because sometimes you have to go low fat...don't cha know!), 10 lbs of Yukon gold potatoes, 5 lbs of apples, 3 lbs of Ghiradelli chocolate chips, the 40 oz bag of walnuts, 2 lbs of cocoa, 5 lbs of sharp cheddar, and.......the 3 pack of sparkling ciders (my husband laughs at me for this one!). Can you tell I am mostly responsible for the desserts?

Every Thanksgiving I go over to my mom's house the night before and help her start the preparations. We brine the Turkey, fry bacon, make pies & jello salads, start the rolls, and the squash & beans get underway as well. Oh, I can already smell the glorious aromas!! I never thought I'd enjoy cooking this much, but the older I get the more I enjoy all the domestic-y parts of being a homemaker. I can honestly say I really enjoy the "work" that goes into fixing a big meal. There is just something so satisfying about serving your family a big meal that was planned and prepared by you for no other purpose than for everyone to find enjoyment in it! It's a thing of beauty!

If my clingy baby sleeps long enough today maybe I'll get to share one of my Thanksgiving recipes :-). Although, it's gonna be a tough choice between the twice baked sweet potatoes, or the caramel apple pie. We shall see ;-)

It's Cookie Season!

2009-11-15T11:38:00.004-06:00

There is nothing I love more than Holiday cookies! I love to cook, but I LOVE to bake even more! And this, my friends, is COOKIE season! In my opinion the best part about Thanksgiving and Christmas is the desserts. It's taken me years to perfect a few of my favorite pies, cookies, and cakes, but I never get tired of trying new things either. A few years ago when I was on the hunt for a new cookie recipe I came across a recipe for peanut butter/oatmeal cookies, but I didn't have all the ingredients to make the cream filling (they were supposed to be a sandwich cookie) so I went to work modifying the recipe to fit the ingredients I had in my pantry. What I came up with is has become a big hit at our house & man oh man, are these cookies addictive. They make a huge batch too....so watch out! I make them all year round, but I think they are a nice addition to Christmas cookie tins too!

Hope you try em'!

Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies

1 ½ Cups Flour

1 teaspoon Baking Soda

½ teaspoon Baking Powder

1 teaspoon Salt

1 Cup Peanut Butter

1 Cup Butter, softened

1 Cup White Sugar

1 Cup packed Light Brown Sugar

2 Eggs

2 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract

2 Cups Quick Cooking Oats

1 Bag *Peanut Butter/ Milk Chocolate Chips (Nestle)

*Just plain Milk Chocolate Chips may also be used J

** M&M's are also yummy!

Directions:

In a large bowl, cream together butter, peanut butter, white sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla. Add eggs next and beat well.

In another bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Add these dry ingredients to the creamed mixture. Stir. (do not use your mixer any longer) Add oatmeal and stir.

Mix Chocolate chips to cookie dough mixture.

Roll dough into balls & flatten slightly with the bottom of a glass, and place at least 1 inch apart on cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes, or until cookies are very light brown on top.

Please Note: These are not the PB/Oatmeal cookies, but I just wanted to show you this example of slightly flattened cookie balls (don't go wild on the flattening part). I'll be posting the recipe for these cookies (Oatmeal raisin) soon :-).

*If cookies do not spread out well enough “slam” (or drop) cookie sheet once on counter top or oven rack to deflate cookies and bake for 1 more minute J Cookies will look quite “puffy” until they are nearly ready…so watch them closely.

Lemon Rosemary Chicken

2009-11-10T11:03:00.004-06:00

This past weekend my family spent all day on Saturday raking leaves, jumping in giant piles of leaves, and eating lunch on the porch on the uncharacteristically warm (75 degree) November day! It was GREAT! We even went to Jonathan's parents house that night for a bonfire. We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows, sang songs by the campfire & played flashlight tag. Yes, it was a grand weekend full of fun and great memories...and not a single picture!! Yeah, I'm so not "on the ball" these days, but you know what....I could care less. It's just how I roll sometimes & I'm totally OK with that :-)

So......because I have no leaf jumping or bonfire pictures to share with you, I'll share another recipe. This is actually one I made up a few years ago when my mom gave me a gallon of rosemary from her herb garden & I tried my hand at being creative in the kitchen. OK, so It's not a very creative idea....but it's yummy & a HUGE crowd pleaser. Chances are if you live close to me and have a baby, or a surgery & I bring you a meal, this is what I will show up with. I'm SO original like that! Oh, and because I'm so not the "Pioneer Woman" I regret to inform you that I do not have detailed pictures of the whole preparation/cooking process. I even forgot to take a picture of the finished masterpiece because my family was experiencing a dinner time meltdown & when this happens my mind turns to mush, I cry tears of blood, and then I curl up in a ball and forget my name for a few days. Sorry... I'll try to do better next time :-).

Here goes nothin'

Lemon Rosemary Chicken

You will need:

-Salt

-Pepper

-4-6 garlic cloves

-1 red onion

-1-2 lemons

-1 stick of butter softened

-Rosemary (about 4-5 sprigs)

-Finely chop 2 cloves of garlic

-Pull rosemary leaves of the stem and finely chop (I use about two of the sprigs here)

-Make a "herb butter" paste with your salt, pepper, garlic, and rosemary.

Next, get a big fat "roaster" chicken that is at least 5 lbs. (This one is about 6 lbs). Rinse the chicken well & then pat it dry with paper towels. Left up the skin on the breast meat & pull back very gently. Be very careful not to tear the skin though, you want to try to keep it in tact. Run your hand under the skin to separate the membrane from the meat. Do this on the drumsticks as well. Next, try to carefully pat down the breast meat with a paper towel (this helps the herb butter "stick" to the meat a little better.) Rub the herb butter under the skin of the breast meat & legs. If you have extra butter left over rub it all over the outside of the chicken as well.

-Now, for a little fancy "extra" you can very thinly slice some lemon wedges and slide those under the skin as well. This really enhances the "lemony" flavor of the chicken...and it looks pretty!

-Crank that oven up to a blazing hot 425!
-Chop the onion into wedges
-Chop the lemon into wedges
-Smack a few more garlic cloves with the flat side of a big knife to remove the peel...
Stuff the cavity of your herb-buttered bird with the lemons, onions, garlic, and then cram at least 2-3 sprigs of whole rosemary in there too!
-If you have any leftover onion wedges, or crushed garlic cloves throw those in the pan too. I usually cut up about 1.5 lbs or new potatoes and sprinkle em' with salt and pepper and place those around the bird too. It's up to you :-)
-Throw your stuffed, buttered bird into a roasting pan, or a "V" rack inside a roasting pan if you have one, and stick it in the 425 degree oven.
*I'm too lazy to truss my birds, but it does help keep the skin from splitting while they roast, so by all means...truss your bird if you want to...or don't -I really don't care!
-Roast at 425 for 20 minutes, then baste it, turn the pan, and turn the heat down to 375.
-Keep basting with a brush every 15-20 minutes. Turn the pan a few times too. It helps it brown evenly!
-I roast a 6 lb bird using this method for about 2 hours. Give or take about 15 minutes. I use a meat thermometer to know when it's done, so you will have to do the same :-). Every bird has different cooking times so it kinda varies.

*Because I usually throw potatoes in the roasting pan the only other side I serve with this is a salad, and some crusty bread! It sounds like a lot of work, but it's really not. Once you butter and stuff the bird you've got two hours to clean up the kitchen & get ready for dinner. It's pretty simple & SO yummy. Enjoy!

What's For Dinner-WEDNESDAY!

2009-11-04T21:29:00.009-06:00

What???? Yes, I'm back at the "What's For Dinner, Wednesday" posts again! Woohoo! Umm, yeah, I know that no one probably even noticed when I gave up on my "What's For Dinner" posts, but it's fun to pretend like you cared very deeply about reading new recipes. :-) Oh, if everyone were as big of a dork as me, then this world would be one big, cellulite loving, recipe sharing, cookie making, comfort food craving, long-distance-running-because-I-eat-too-much-crap, happy place! And I could die knowing I did something good ;-). But.....let's get on to the recipe(s) shall we?

It's Fall, which means I make a LOT of soup. I love soup. My husband sometimes wishes I didn't love soup so much, but he will live. Last week, when Jonathan came home to the THIRD batch of soup for dinner that week he said something like "Can you make some sort of soup that has kielbasa in it.....please?". I'm not a huge fan of sausage, but I aim to please, so I came up with this yummy recipe to please my kielbasa-loving husband. For the record: He gave this a "two thumbs up"!

Ham and Bean Soup (with Kielbasa)

*Don't you love the clever name?

1- 20 oz package 15 Bean Soup Mix (throw out that "ham flavor" packet that comes with it-ick!)

-3 quarts water

-1 quart vegetable stock (oops-not pictured)

-1 quart ham stock (not pictured-go to the link!)

-1 cup apple juice

-1 lb cooked cubed ham

-1 lb Kielbasa (sliced and browned in bacon drippings before you add it to the soup)

-1 diced green pepper

-1 chopped onion

-2 stalks of celery diced (leave those leaves on the celery stalks!)

-2 good-sized carrots sliced (but not too thin.)

-3-4 garlic cloves, crushed with the knife blade and then chopped super fine

-2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

-1 teaspoon dried basil

-3/4 teaspoon kosher salt (or go wild and add the whole teaspoon, I won't tell anyone.)

-3/4 teaspoon fresh ground pepper (or.....well, never mind!).

-1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram (yes, it makes a difference...just go buy it!)

-1/2 teaspoon tabasco sauce

-1 16 oz jar Medium Salsa (or mild for you wimps!)

-1 can petite dice tomatoes, undrained.

-1 4 oz can chopped green chilies.

1.) Rinse dry beans and place in large stock pot/dutch oven with 3 quarts of water. Bring to a boil; boil for 3-5 minutes. Remove from heat; cover and let stand for one hour (or two hours, because you forgot you didn't have enough stock, so you had to send your sister out on a "stock run" at the grocery store while your two small children sleep).

2.) After one hour (or two....) drain and rinse beans. Return to the (rinsed out) pot; add stock, (that your sister so graciously ran out to buy for you!) juice, veggies, and seasonings. DON'T add the salsa, tomatoes, and green chilies!!! We will get to that later.

3.) Bring all ingredients to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 3 hours (until beans are almost tender).

4.) Add salsa, tomatoes, and chilies now. Bring to a boil again. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for another 30 minutes.

Enjoy!

*No soup is complete without a tasty bread, am I right? Of course I am! I love, love, love these super simple Cheddar Buttermilk Biscuits! My butt is not a fan of them, but I can always run a few extra miles, or just embrace my jiggles. I wasn't born with a tiny rump, so what do I care-ha!

Cheddar Biscuits

-2 Cups all-purpose flour
-2 tablespoons sugar
-4 teaspoons baking powder
-1/2 teaspoon salt
-1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
-1/2 cup cold COLD butter (don't you dare use margarine!).
-1/2 cup (well, it's more like a HEAPING 1/2 cup) SHARP cheddar cheese.
-3/4 cup buttermilk (cold!)

1.)Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and cayenne. Cut in butter with a pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add the cheese & toss to coat the cheese in the flour. Stir in buttermilk until just moistened.

2.) Turn onto a lightly floured surface & knead a few times (8-10 turns). Pat or roll to just about 3/4 inch thickness. Cut with a floured 2 1/2 inch biscuit cutter. Place 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 425 for 15-18 minutes or until golden brown.

Happy Halloween.

2009-11-04T20:48:00.004-06:00

I know I'm a few days late posting these Halloween pictures, but I'm having a hard time caring about that right now! I even forgot to take pictures of my kids cute carved pumpkins this year....such is life! One of these days I might get it together....or not. Better late than never I suppose. Enjoy!

On Friday I took Maya and Judah to Daddy's work for a visit. His work really went all out this year and the whole place was decorated and several of the employee's got into the pirate theme & dressed up. Maya LOVED it!

Judah and Ann...or is it Anne.....I should really know this!

Maya and Davey Jones-arrrrrgh!

Maya demonstrating how to "wave the wand" properly.

Soaking up all the attention.

This was Halloween morning!

McKenna and Daddy carving the pumpkins.

Working hard....

This was the first year that McKenna did a pumpkin all by herself. We really didn't have to help her very much & she was SO proud of her handy work!

Halloween night!

From left to right we have: Zion as "Spiderman", Chandler as a "Pirate", Maya as "Wonder Woman", McKenna as Super Girl", and last but not least Judah as "The obligatory Pumpkin" (ignore the large thigh he is perched on!). A pretty cute crew if I do say so (well, all but that thigh...that wasn't very cute)!

Mommy with her kiddos....have I mentioned before that Chandler HATES to have his picture taken? -ha!

Do You Make A Dinner Plan?

2009-11-02T12:20:00.002-06:00

I'll be posting cute Halloween pictures later, but for now I wanted to share something different. I've discovered lately that I'm becoming a little bit better at juggling this whole "family of 6" thing. I certainly don't do anything perfect (as evidenced by my messy closets, crumb cluttered floors, and smudged mirrors and and windows everywhere you walk in my house!), but....I'm getting better! I don't feel like I'm drowning without a plan all the time! My kids are starting to get used to an easy morning routine & we haven't missed the bus in a very long time-whew!

I'm also starting to realize that the key to keeping things running smooth is to always, always, always have a plan. I'm pretty good at "winging it" when I need to, but my life really works well when I put together a plan. So, I thought I'd share with you (my handful of mommy readers) one of my ideas that has been working really well. I started writing out "Dinner Plans" about a year ago, but I'd just scribble them out on a sheet of paper and stick it on the fridge for a frame of reference. It worked well, but I'd struggle every other week when it came time to figure out a new plan. I'd spend a lot of time thumbing through my recipe box for ideas & then I'd write it all out by hand again and stick it up on the fridge. Then one day I had a great idea! I started to write out my dinner plans on my computer, and then I'd save the document and give it a number. I did this for several weeks until I started to have a collection of dinner plans I could sort through. Sometimes I would look at a dinner plan and just make a few substitutions & then I'd be on my way! Right now I have about a dozen different dinner plans each with 8-10 meal ideas each. Sometimes I just copy and paste meals ideas from several different plans to make a brand new one :-).

It's still a work in progress & I'm still adding new recipes and ideas to my new dinner plans, but at least I have a group of "base plans" now. If I'm ever short on time I don't even have do the "planning" part if I don't want to because I can just choose an old meal plan that I have saved! It's been a great help & a huge time saver. I know there are lots of different ways to organize dinner plans, and I've tried a lot of them, but for some reason this little system seems to work for me. Eventually I'm going to work on compiling a list of "main dishes", "side dishes" , and "desserts". That way it will be a little easier to throw together a new plan (without having to even do the whole copy and paste thing!) when I'm short on time, but still want something new to choose from.

So, how do you plan your meals?? Or....what other time saving tips do you have to share?

Oh, and here is the last meal plan I put together....

Meal Plan

-Lemon Rosemary Chicken with new potatoes and Green beans

-Grilled Cheese with turkey & red pepper on Sourdough with Tomato Soup

-Chicken Fajitas

-Meat Goulash with Macaroni, dinner rolls & salad

-Meatloaf with garlic Mashed Potatoes, corn, and green beans

-Balsamic Chicken with French Bread & dinner salad

-Tex-Mex Chicken Casserole / mixed southwest veggies

-Ham and Bean Soup / Cheddar biscuits

What's For Dinner....Thursday???

2009-10-29T22:56:00.006-05:00

I've taken a break from "What's For Dinner Wednesday's" because....uh.....I'm lazy (hey, at least I'm honest!). However, I was asked no less than 6 times this week by different people for one of my recipes, so I guess that this whole cooking thing seems to be what I'm known for. What I like about this new "title" is that people seem to think I can cook-ha! I've always thought of myself as a "baker", but nosomuch a "cook". I mean, if you need a cake, cookies, or bread (oh, I do love me some good bread), then I'm your girl (well, I've vowed to be more adventurous in the yeast breads category, but I digress....). To be called a good "cook", well, I'm flattered, but I hate to disappoint you. I'm a pretty simple girl, and lots of my food is just that-simple! What I think I'm good at making is simply easy, family friendly food that rarely has funky ingredients, because you know...I do have 4 kids!

Because it's now officially FALL, which is my second favorite season (I'm a July baby, therefore I must LOVE June, July, and August more than any other months!), I have found myself once again in soup heaven. I love soup! I love everything about soup! It's the ultimate comfort food for me, which is why most of the soups I dream about and crave also happen to have things like butter, heavy cream, cheese, and.....more cheese in them! But, today I'm going to share one of my more innocent and "less-fattening" soups with you. However, don't lose heart! If you are a girl after my own heart (which I know you are) I'll teach you how you too can add some devilishly delish garnishes to this innocent soup that will strip the purity right from it's marrow. Yes, I can be that kinda girl too.............

Spicy Tortilla Soup

Ingredients:
8 cups chicken broth (I will beat you with my broom if you use that crappy Swanson's junk in this precious soup!)
15 oz. can petite diced tomatoes
2 cans rotel tomatoes (Do not use the "mild" version)
1 small onion, chopped
1 cup carrots, finely chopped
1 cup celery, finely chopped
juice from 2 limes
1 1/2 tsp cumin
1 1/2 tsp sugar
salt and pepper to taste (Please, make me happy and use Kosher salt and fresh ground black pepper)
half cup cilantro (or about 2/3 of a "bunch")
2-3 cups chicken, cooked and shredded (I use about 2 really good sized chicken breasts and cook them in the crock pot all day with some onion and rotel so that they will shred beautifully when they are cooked. I think I usually have about 3 cups)
1 tsp minced garlic
1 can of black beans

1 can of sweet corn

Toppings:
shredded cheese
tortilla chips
avocado

1. Let all ingredients (except tomatoes and chicken) boil for 10 minutes.
2. Add tomatoes and chicken and black beans.
3. Simmer for 30 minutes.

4. Add corn and let it warm through
5. Serve with chips, cheese and avocado

*Promise me, for the love of Oscar, that you will not skip the "toppings". They MAKE this soup everything that it was meant to be. But...if you wanna be one of "those" people that is too good for back fat, cellulite, and thunder thighs, then go ahead and eat the soup without all the sin on top. I'll still talk to you, but you can't be my best friend. I'm just sayin'......

Pumpkin Patch!

2009-10-29T12:14:00.002-05:00

You Never Let Go

2009-10-26T23:17:00.002-05:00

*Praise God that when I find myself losing hope that my savior never lets go of me! What love! What beautiful, unending, beautiful love! I'm full of mishaps and mistakes, blunders and bruises, fear, and even hopelessness. If I'm being totally honest I'd also have to admit to not putting my whole self into my relationship with my creator. I let the trials of this life cloud my vision sometimes, but Jesus loves me in spite of whatever misgivings I posses. He holds me close to His heart.... He never lets go!

************************************************************************************

When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You?re the same
Oh, You never let go

Mr. Scary

2009-10-20T14:35:00.004-05:00

Yesterday Maya and I went on a "nature walk" to collect items for a preschool project. What we came up with was quite possibly the cutest little pumpkin ever! When we finished our project I asked Maya what we should name our little pumpkin man, to which she responded, "Mr. Scary"! I LOVED it! So here he is......"Mr. Scary".

Race Day!

2009-10-20T13:59:00.003-05:00

For better or worse, I've been at this running thing now for 3 years! I started off with very little ability and almost NO endurance & I've worked my way up to two full marathons, and a small handful of half marathons. I'm not fast, and I have absolutely nothing to prove...except for that which I prove to myself. For what it's worth, I think it's peculiar that a lot of people think you have to somehow be "good" to call yourself a runner. Well, I'm probably not "good" in the eyes of most athletes, but I'll tell you what I am.....determined!

If I thought I had to be "good" to continue this whole running fiasco I would have given up by now. Can I tell you something? I DO think I'm good....good at sticking to something-ha! I've got a thousand reasons to find a new hobby, but I've stuck with this running thing and slowly, very s-l-o-w-l-y it's paying off. After taking a substantial amount of time off after the birth of my fourth child I decided to throw myself full-tilt back into the running game & I tackled my first 1/2 marathon this past Saturday. I was determined to enter the game right where I left off, which meant I was chasing a 2:10 finish time in last weekends race. Sure, that not an impressive time, but it was my best half marathon finish time & I was darn proud of it! I told myself I HAD to be able to catch another 2:10...or better...no excuses! Well, I'm happy to report that I reached a new half marathon PR with a finish time of 2:07:38!! Mama's still got it!

But....you know what was even better??? BOTH of my sisters ran the KC half with me last Saturday too! How cool is that? After the race I had a little time to reflect on how awesome it is to be able share something I love so much with my whole family. The fact that I belong to such an awesome family was not lost on me that day...nope, not lost at all! At the end of the day THAT is what really matters!

Tiffany & Tricia....I love you more than you will ever know! Thanks for a great day!

1st Birthday Party.

2009-10-20T12:55:00.003-05:00

This was the very first time we have had a small family party for one of our kids 1st birthday's, but that's just kinda how things went this time around. To be honest, it was kinda nice to enjoy a small birthday bash this time around. I'm usually one that likes to do things "BIG", but as my family expands I find myself wanting to simplify things as much as possible...and that's just what we did for Judah's first birthday party. I'm sure will have more eventful parties in the future, so never fear!

Here are a few snapshots of the big day :-).

The Birthday Story....

2009-10-19T10:03:00.009-05:00

Honestly, I can't remember if I posted Judah's Birth story on here when he was born....but I thought I'd post it now in celebration of his first year of life! I know, I know....his birthday was a few weeks ago, but that's just how life goes in our house! I've had my plate pretty full lately with my little bunch, so forgive me for all the "catch up posts" I'm about to do.

Enjoy! (You know....if your into birth stories and that sort of thing!)

**************************************************************************************

Judah's Birth Story

I had been dealing with non-stop BH type contractions over the weekend & when I came in for my appt on Monday (the 29th) my blood pressure was up a little (138/82) & I was feeling really sick to my stomach. During my appt I had several contractions & I told my midwife that I had been having them off and on since 4:00 am. After we listened to the heartbeat we discussed stripping my membranes again and seeing if that would start a more regular labor pattern. However, when she went to check me she exclaimed "Oh, my...you are a good 5 cm and very effaced, so I don't think I'm gonna push it and do any membrane stripping right now". Then she told me she would be willing to just send me over to the hospital that evening & break my water. From the looks of it I was slowly preparing for labor anyway, so we made the decision to just get the show on the road. I thought that I would go for another spontaneous delivery this
time, but when I found out I was already 5 cm I quickly decided otherwise-LOL!

The main reason I agreed to the AROM was because I know I have a history of very fast labors, and this time the hospital was a good 30 minutes from my home in good traffic. As luck would have it, they were doing a ton of construction on the highway & there was no quick and easy route to the hospital without a bunch of construction delays. I SO did not want to have a "side of the road baby", and the idea of being able to arrange care for my other three kids was very appealing at this point.

We decided to have me check into the hospital around 4:30 and Jeane (my midwife) would meet me over there after she was done seeing her patients at the office. This way she could stay with me the entire time and give me her full and undivided attention. I went home with orders to "rest, eat some protein, and relax"...which is the exact opposite of what I did-LOL! I called Jonathan as soon as I left my appointment & told him "we're having our baby tonight" & he said "you mean...you're in labor!" hehe! Poor guy...he kinda had a bit of panic in his voice ;-). When I told him the plan he was very happy & said "oh, my gosh...this is it!". He left work right away & even got home before me! As soon as I got home I packed my bags (yes...I had been putting this off), called my family and arranged all the babysitting details, put Maya down for her nap, wrote down a few notes about kid care related stuff, and then I took a bath and of course... shaved my legs-LOL!

Jonathan and I decided to pick the kids up from school a little early so we could tell them the big news & give them hugs and kisses before we left. Everyone at the school was so excited for us and all the teachers were giving me hugs...it was kinda cute. After that we dropped the kids off at home & headed for the hospital. Once we checked in at the hospital they put me on the monitors & I was having a few contractions here and there, but nothing too exciting. We basically just hung out and watched TV until my midwife came around at 5:30. As soon as Jeane showed up she got me transferred to a "jacuzzi room" because she knew I was not getting an epidural & she wanted me to have some sort of comfort measures. Once we got all settled in the new room she broke my water right before 6:00 pm and we decided to have me do some walking in the halls to see if that would kick start the contractions. We walked and walked, but I wasn't really having any "good" contractions, so we came back to the room and I sat on the birth ball for a little while to just relax. At 7:00 pm my mom came by to "see if I had the baby yet"...and everyone laughed! My whole family is so used to me going quickly that they were sure he had already arrived. I told my mom to go ahead and go home because I thought it was going to be a long night.

Not long after that conversation with my mom I had one contraction that hurt quite a bit & I looked at Jeane and said "Now we're getting somewhere". She asked me if I wanted her to fill the tub & at first I said "no I think I want to wait until things pick up a little before I get in the water". Not 10 minutes later I said "you can go ahead and fill up the tub...this is going fast now". So, about 7:30 I got in the tub and did a lot of my hard labor in the water, which felt wonderful!

However, I started shaking really badly (transition...fun, fun!) & the contractions were coming one right on top of the other & I wanted to get out of the tub and stand. Once I got out of the tub I started making some noise which is not normally how I deal with labor, but it was just instinctual so I went with it. Jeane asked me if we could put the monitors back on for a few minutes since it had been awhile since we listened to the baby. As I was standing up I started swaying back and forth and Jeane just rubbed my back and belly, which felt very relaxing to me.

All of the sudden I felt the urge to push & Jeane asked me how I wanted to push. She told me that the squat bar might be the best option since I had wanted to do so much standing/squatting during transition, but all I wanted to do was sit down on the bed since my legs were feeling really shaky and weak at this point.

The pushing phase was definitely the worst/hardest part of my whole labor. I have NEVER pushed so hard in all my life. I felt like I was being really loud too, but I think in reality I wasn't making near as much noise as I thought. Every time I pushed something felt "off", but I couldn't stop pushing to save my life.

At one point I involuntarily quit pushing and starting doing this quick "panting" type of breathing and I heard the nurse say "is that what I think it is"...to which Jeane did not respond! I figured the baby must not be coming out the right way because this hurt WAY more than any of my other babies, and for the life of me I could not figure out why I was pushing SO HARD! All of the sudden I found myself saying "I can't do this...I can't do this". Jeane and Jonathan just kept telling me I COULD do this & that it was almost over. Right after saying "I can't do this", I got a huge surge of energy and pushed so hard I thought my head my explode, and then all of the sudden I felt the "ring of fire" and everyone said "the head is out!". When I looked down I saw my baby looking at me! No wonder it hurt!! However, it wasn't over yet! I still pushed a few more times for the shoulders. As soon as Jeane laid him on my tummy I said "WOW....he's finally here...and he's SO BIG!".

Everyone was ooh-ing and ahh-ing over his size & saying how they couldn't believe that was inside of me. Then they took him away to weigh him and I about fainted when they announced he was 8.14 :-).

Oh, and his time of birth was 8:49...just over an hour and a half since I had told my mom that I thought it was going to be a long night-ha! They gave him right back to me, but he started doing the sad little grunting noises, and I knew from our Chandler experience that they were going to take him to the nursery to check his oxygen levels.

Sure enough, the nurse said she was worried because he sounded like he was in distress, so Jonathan followed Judah to the nursery, while my midwife stayed with me and waited so I wouldn't be left alone. About 15 minutes later Jonathan returned to the room with little Judah and announced that he was fine! I guess he quit the little grunting noises as soon as they got to the nursery. We both snuggled him and kissed him and then our midwife took a family photo for us.

It was absolutely the best feeling in the whole world to be snuggling my little guy! After all the snuggling he latched on right away and nursed for a good 40 minutes.

After we made a ton of phone calls to tell everyone Judah had arrived, Jonathan and I looked at each other and said...."I'm starving!". However, it was nearly 11:00 pm and all the nurses could come up with was crackers, PB, and sprite. So, I sent Jonathan out in search of a giant cheeseburger and fries-LOL! He returned shortly after with Wendy's, and let me tell you...that was the best cheeseburger ever!

1 Amazing Year!

2009-09-29T22:12:00.004-05:00

I vowed to take a picture of my forth child EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH. during his first year of life, and I'm so proud to tell you that I didn't go back on my word! So, without further ado I give you: Judah's first year of life :-).

What we have been up to

2009-09-25T13:36:00.003-05:00

Just thought I needed to do a quick run down of what the White gang is up to:

-Jonathan has finally found a BAND! He is having a great time practicing with his new band members & I couldn't be happier seeing him find an outlet for his musical talent.

-I am training for a 1/2 Marathon. It's a small goal, but it's a goal nonetheless! As much as I'd love to have a full on my calendar, I have to take it one step at a time.

-Chandler lost his first tooth & is so excited to be a "big" kid now (apparently you are not a "big" kid until you go through this rite of passage). Chandler is also in first grade this year and....he doesn't love it so much :-( School+ Chandler= misery (most of the time)! What Chandler does love is playing outside, dressing up like a super hero (still!), and helping mom cook. I think I see a budding chef in my little man.

-McKenna is now an author! She has made several handmade books that are also self illustrated & she has been selling them to family member for just $1. She is taking orders now, so just give her a call if you're interested :-). She is in second grade this year & she of course LOVES it. She is a great student & she never gets tired of learning. I just love that about her!!! She makes me want to love learning a little more just by being around her. She also has an impressive rock collection (consisting of decorative rocks that she steals from all the neighbors rock gardens....sigh...) just ask her about it sometime.

Maya is in preschool and is also loving it! She still has no attention span whatsoever, and she very much loves the mirror! We are buying her a giant mirror for Christmas because that seems to be the only thing she is really interested in. Well, that and stuffed animals! She still eats exactly 4 foods....not food GROUPS....4 single food choices! They are peanut butter and jelly, mac-n-cheese, apples, and yogurt. She has been on this trend for a solid year and has somehow still managed to grow, so we just leave her alone and hope & pray that one day she will try something new! She is having a GREAT time hanging out with mommy and Judah during the day when the older two are at school & I have to admit I'm kinda loving having her all to myself sometimes too.

Judah is going to be the BIG ONE on Tuesday! I still can't believe it's been a year! Makes me a little teary-eyed to think about it. He has been crawling all over the place, as well as pulling up on the furniture and cruising around things to get from point A to point B. He currently has a love affair going on with toilet paper & unfortunately his siblings greatly encourage this unhealthy fascination he has with TP (because they think it's hilarious to watch him tear up an entire roll of TP). He also loves to go fishing...toilet fishing that is-Ewwwwwwww! This boy is keeping me on my toes for sure! He is so curious right now & he went from quiet and sweet one day, to showing quite the strong will the next! He protests a lot these days when we have to take something away from him & while it's kinda funny to see him throw himself on the ground in protest and kick his little chubby legs, it also alarms me a little to think he is already getting into the fit-throwing phase. He still has the sweetest disposition though, so it's hard to ever be too mad at him. He is showing a STRONG love for music and guitars too, which makes his daddy very, very happy ;-). Oh, and he has 7 teeth now, with an 8th one on the way. He also got his first haircut while we were on vacation in MN. He STILL does not sleep through the night, but we are being patient with that since he is most likely our last little one.

For Such A Time As This.

2009-09-22T11:54:00.004-05:00

Ever wonder why life happens the way it does sometimes? Ever ask God... why me? Do you ever scratch your head and wonder if God really meant to do that?

It's probably pretty evident from the snippets of my life that I choose to blog about that I've had my fair share of moments where I asked God "why?". I'd be a liar if I said I always choose to trust God first. I know that's what I SHOULD do...but honestly I struggle with always doing what I know is right. Who doesn't?

Lately, I've been tempted to come back to God and ask "why" questions again. However, something occurred to me as I was going through the motions of my every day mommy tasks the other day. A question literally just popped into my head & I even said out loud..."What if the very thing I've been resisting is really just preparation for something bigger...something better". When I was able to look at things through a different perspective I began to see to see some of the heartache in my life as something totally different...a blessing! Yes, a blessing!

After I let my heart begin to focus on something other than all the questioning, I found a great Bible Study lesson on Queen Esther. You may recognize the quote above: "For such a time as this" from the book of Esther (4:13, 14). Mordecai said to Esther: "And who knows whether you have attained royalty for such a time as this". As you may know, at this time Haman (the prime minister) had an evil plot to have all the Jews killed. The only problem with this plot was that the kings beautiful wife (Queen Esther) was a Jew!

When I read this story I'm always struck by a couple of things: First-Esther didn't really try to be become the queen. She was just doing what she was told to do. She also did not ask for anything special to be done to her to impress the king... yet he still chose her. Second- Esther was not even in a position where she had much "pull" with the king. True, she was his wife, but back in those days the king had to request her presence...which he had NOT done. Third-I see through this story that sometimes the only thing that can give us true confidence in difficult circumstances is believing that we are not alone! In order to rise above something so difficult sometimes we have to move forward not in our own strength, but in the knowledge that we are God's children. If God is for us...then who can be against us?

I LOVED this little paragraph from the Bible study I read & I wanted to share it with you. You know...just in case you are struggling with some of the same things I've been struggling with.

"You see, believers are a part of God’s great program on earth; they should be living with confidence as people of destiny. God does not want us moaning over our plight and looking for a way out. He will be honored when we claim His grace to be what He wants us to be and do what He wants us to do in our present circumstances. We must take advantage of the opportunities He has made available to us in the here and now. He may later open wider spheres of opportunity if that suits His purposes, but that is in His hands. Our responsibility is to let Him use us where we are."

The only thing I am sure of is this: I don't know why things happen the way they do, nor the reason God allows them. The only thing I do know is that perhaps God has called me to be right here, right now...for such a time as this. As a Christian, I can't see how letting my circumstances get the best of me is honoring to God. Sure, I can hurt, and I can even wonder...but sometimes I think it's just better to trust that God has all the answers, and we don't need to know all the reasons in order for Him to still be good. He is good because He's God!

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Side Note:

I want to take a moment here to be a little more transparent...which can be really tough when you are writing things of a personal nature on a blog where you may/may not know who your audience is. I want to be clear that when I talk about going through "difficult times" that it is not interpreted incorrectly. The truth is...it's tough to just come out and say exactly what's on my mind. So many times I'd like to do just that....but then I remind myself that I don't always know who may be reading this & what their relationship (if any) is with me. As much as I'd like to be more direct in regards to what's on my mind, wisdom sometimes tells me to "tone it down a bit".

I will tell you this: Jonathan and I have been through a lot over the last couple of years & the one thing these trying times have produced in our marriage is a level of intimacy and commitment that has changed us for the better! We've never been happier or more content in our marriage than we are right now. Often, we've had only one another to cling to when the storm clouds gathered all around us & let me tell you...THAT is character (and marriage) building at it's best my friends!

Whether it was facing tough decisions about finances, friends, or sticking together to survive raising a child with special needs, we've navigated our way through all of it together! I truly don't know where I would be without my husband...he is my rock, the real glue that keeps me together when I feel like my life is falling apart. I hate to sound all cliche' like that, but it's true!

I said all that to say "NO", the difficult times I've alluded to in the past have nothing to do with my marriage! To be honest, they have a lot to do with a conviction and a promise we made to ourselves a few years back to seek God out in new, and often unconventional ways. Choosing to make those kinds of changes in our life was huge for us because so much of our faith and our friendships were wrapped up in one package ("Church") & when we set that package down at the alter many of our cherished friendships stayed there too. It was never what we wanted to happen (or even what we thought was going to happen), but we have to trust that when God impresses something like this on your heart He will not return it void!

Personally, I feel like I'm starting to come out on the other side of this "struggle" now. I've been out of the institutional Church long enough now that I'm starting to see all the positives, and less of the negatives that come with making this kind of change. It's been the most life-giving experience for me & my family that I don't think I could ever regret it! The changes that we had to make, while painful, were part of the "birthing pains" that gave us a brand new life. How could I ever feel anything but grateful for that?

MN Trip Part 2.

2009-09-15T16:03:00.009-05:00

We went to "The Mall of America" on day 2 of the trip, but after we left we realized that we didn't take a single picture at the mall! That's what happens when you've been to The Mall of America several times...it just kinda seems like, well, a mall-ha! It is HUGE, and it does have an amusement park inside of it, but really... it's just a mall. I do love to go there though, if for no other reason than to people watch! So, I'm sorry, but I don't have any mall pictures to share.

However, I do have a handful of state fair pictures! Oh, the great MN State Fair! The real reason my husband eagerly packs up the car with 4 squirmy children, and endures the long car ride up north! Yes...all for a fair! Some years I think he's just plain crazy to love the fair that much, but I have to admit we do always have fun! At the end of the day that's all that really matters anyway.

This year our friend Michelle spent most of the day at the fair with us (and ALL day at the mall with us!), and she lived to tell about it! She was such a trooper, and SO very patient with us and our troop of small children. However, I'm not surprised that Michelle was such a good sport considering the "good stock" she comes from ;-). Her parents (Hi, Bob and Irene!) always host our family when we make the trek up north & they are the most gracious and giving hosts anyone could ask for. We've come to love them like our second family & always look forward to getting to spend time with them. It also helps that they have known my husband since the day he was born & have a great sense of humor when it comes to surviving a visit from a family with 4 very small children. Not many people could host a family of 6 and keep their sanity in tact, but Bob and Irene make it look easy (which I know it's anything but easy!). So, here is a HUGE....H-U-G-E thank you to our friends "The Stahl's", for once again welcoming our family into your home and being such wonderful friends to us. I know these trips to your house are the kind of family memories that my children are going to take with them and cherish forever. We love you guys!

Bob with the kids.

Judah likes his first trip to the fair!

Peach scone with sweet cream & iced coffee.

Happy girls.

Michelle and I pulling stroller duty.

Kiddie Midway!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Roasted sweet corn!

Miracle of birth barn. This is so cool (if you are into farm animals giving birth!). We always end up spending a lot of time in this barn every year because the kids are fascinated with all the baby animals. In years past we have seen live births of calves, lambs, pigs, and baby chicks hatching. We didn't get to see any births this year, but we did get to pet lots of baby animals :-).

The girls waiting to see a chick hatch.

Ice cream + Maya = cute!

Caramel apples with cinnamon ice cream-so delish!

Cotton candy!

Snow cones with dad.

More kiddie Midway fun!

What an exhausting day!

We had to get Sweet Martha's before we left! That $14 worth of "I think I'm gonna be sick now" cookie goodness!

That's Jon saying: "For the love of Pete...have we had enough sugar today?".

For those of you who might need to know, here is the list of fair foods we sampled at the great MN State Fair this year (loosen up your belts, you might just gain a pound or two reading this list!
-Tiny Tim doughnuts
-Deep Fried cheese curds
-Peach Scone with sweet cream
-Fried green tomatoes
-Deep fried pickles
-Roasted sweet corn
-Pot roast sundae
-Cotton Candy
-Snow cones
-Fish taco
-Strawberry frozen custard
-Sweet Martha's Chocolate Chip Cookies
-Caramel Apples with cinnamon ice cream

*Oh, my goodness....NOTHING was on a stick! How in the world did we do that???

MN Trip...Part 1

2009-09-11T09:13:00.006-05:00

I'm going to have to do my trip posts in phases, because it seems that every time I sit down to do anything on the computer I get interrupted and never get around to finishing what I started. Maybe if I break it down a little I'll make it through a whole post-ha!

So....here you have it, day 1 of our little adventure to the great state of MN! On Friday we visited a really cool park that the locals have named the "Chutes and Ladders" park. It's actually just called the "play area" at the Hyland Lake Park Reserve, but to refer to it as just a play area seems almost insulting! This was a HUGE park with lots of fun stuff for the kids to play on, in, under, slide down, climb up, dig in, swing on, hike through, and slash in. It was FREE (something that is a rare find around our hometown) too!

Mama is tired!

2009-09-09T09:20:00.002-05:00

I have SO much to get caught up on around here, but I'm just too sleepy to get anything started. I've been stuck in this funk for.....about 11 months (hmmm, isn't that how old Judah is?), and I still can't seem to shake the "cobwebs" feeling that is ever present in my over-caffeinated brain. I have piles of papers to sort through now that the kids are back in school, piles of laundry that are always waiting for me, and multiple closets that need a seasonal change over...yet I pass all of the things by and find myself napping, soothing baby cries, watching cartoons with Maya, and staring at the blank walls in my house. I'm about as motivated to do housework as a sleeping sloth on a summer afternoon. Somebody tell my energy and creativity that I miss them terribly and wouldn't mind one bit if they both decided to stop by and visit for awhile.

Just to get you all caught up on what's been going on at the "White House", here is a short list of things I meant to do blog posts about, but I couldn't find the energy or creativity to do so:

-Chandler lost his first tooth! Well, actually I noticed he had a loose tooth the very day of his last dental cleaning, and I begged the dentist to pull the tooth and save me the drama of going weeks on end with an icky dangling tooth that my child won't let anyone pull. Chandler LAUGHED when the dentist pulled it! He LAUGHED! He is such an awesome kid!

-Bubs (Judah) is crawling & pulling up on everything! I don't think he will be walking by his first birthday like his siblings were, but that does not bother me one bit.

-I've lost my "running fever", but I'm still trying to train for a half-marathon anyway. I'm thinking that weight training is far more rewarding these days & the idea of sleeping in on Saturdays is always appealing!

-We took a trip to MN...and forgot to take very many pictures! I will be doing a "trip post", so watch for that one soon :-)

Well, I gotta go get ready for a "Parents as Teachers" visit...which means I should probably do some cleaning! Forgive my lack of blogging! I promise I'll go hunt down my lost energy and return to my normal picture taking/recipe making/sarcastic blogging self this fall!

Later!

Life sure can be messy at times!

2009-08-28T09:05:00.003-05:00

My Big Preschooler!

2009-08-26T14:16:00.004-05:00

Ahhh....my "baby girl" is growing up! It was a little bittersweet yesterday when I took Maya to her first day of preschool. This marks the beginning of so many changes for both Maya and me! I don't think I'll ever get over how quickly these years seem to fly by. I had this flood of deja vu while walking down the same familiar hallways of the preschool once again. My mind was immediately brought back to 4 years ago when I was taking McKenna to her first day of preschool.

Back then I had a 5 week old baby Maya & I couldn't believe I was dropping off my firstborn for her first day of preschool. Yet, here I am again! Once again, I have a baby on my hip (or a stroller) as I march my little trooper down the long hallways to her classroom. Once again, I worry about how my little girl will behave. Will she play nice? Will she listen to her teacher? Will she eat the little lunch I packed? Will she cry? Will she have fun? Will she even miss me with all the fun stuff there is to do? Even though I'm a bit more "seasoned" this time around it's funny how I still worry about my kids when they embark on all of their "firsts". I guess some things just never change!

However....one thing that WAS quite different was Maya's reaction to her first day of preschool! Unlike her older sister, she showed NO sign of trepidation as she boldly marched into her new classroom & greeted her first day of school with all the surety of a first grader! I would expect nothing less from my confident little social butterfly! If you know Maya at all you are laughing right along with me! It's just so..."Maya" to show no sign of fear when it comes to this sort of thing! I love that about my little girl!!

First Day of School.

2009-08-18T23:45:00.004-05:00

My sweet, sweet "babies" headed back to school this week (sniff...sniff). Where did our summer go? All I know is that it was way too cool & WAY too short! I already miss having them around during the day.

Here is my big 1st and 2nd graders!

*Man...he is gonna break some hearts in the future!

Chandler has a few school supplies on his desk!

Is it just me, or do you want a pair of sandals like McKenna's too?

Such a sweet little girl!

I have some handsome boys in my life!

Nothing like having monsoon rain on your first day back to school!

Not Me! Monday.

2009-08-17T16:02:00.004-05:00

This week I'm going to air out my "dirty laundry" in honor of "Not Me! Monday". No....really.....I'm going to show you what just 4 days of dirty laundry looks like at my house. Are you ready.......

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I won't show you the rest of the house, because I think that's good enough for today. Oh, and I assure you...I did not let Maya dance in the dirty laundry and play "Queen of the Mountain" on it either...nope, not me!

Maya is 4!

2009-08-17T14:05:00.004-05:00

My sweet baby girl turned four last Tuesday! We had a little family party this time & she was as happy as a clam to have everyone make a big deal over her. :-)

A few Maya facts:

-She LOVES nut butter and jelly sanwiches. That is about the only thing she eats these days.

-Apple juice is her nectar of choice...when I allow it.

-She has not put one single vegetable to her lips in over two years!

-Her favorite thing to do is go to the pool...and the "Y".

-She loves her cousins, especially "Z-Z" (Zion).

-Maya was born at 5:13 am, on August 11th 2005....and that was probably the last time she was awake that early in the morning. She is NOT a morning person!

-She is starting Preschool this year & is very excited about that.

-She is my "Drama Mama" -life is never dull or quiet when Miss Maya is in the house!

-Her favorite "toy" is a mirror. She LOVES to look at herself in the mirror!!!

-She will still take a nap if I lay her down. This child loves her sleep!

-She can eat her body weight in chips without getting sick (or gaining one ounce).

-Her grandpa believes she is going to channel all of her determination and "spirit" into becoming some sort of motivational speaker/evangelist. (We have to believe God made her this stubborn for good reason!)

-Maya was my easiest pregnancy, easiest labor, & easiest baby...I like to remember those facts often ;-)

Here are a few pictures of miss Maya from the past 4 years:

I'd need A Savior

2009-08-12T14:38:00.002-05:00

Not Me, Monday!

2009-08-10T10:02:00.003-05:00

I'm back! I've been a little behind on posting new stuff because....well....I've been busy with 4 small children & a summer that has been crazy, busy, and lots of fun! However, I had some pretty funny "Not Me's" to share this week, so here we go!

I would like to go on public record here to let everyone know that in the past week I have not bathed my children exactly ONE time. They do not have hay-like, chlorine soaked hair, and smell like fake coconuts from old sunscreen that has not been washed off since we went to the pool on SATURDAY!

I have not been feeding them nut butter sandwiches and "chips and cheese" (you might call them nachos at your house) EVERY DAY because that is all we have left in the house and I'm just too lazy to go grocery shopping.

I have not been line drying used "swimmer" pull-ups for re-use. Um, make that the SAME used swimmy pull-up for OVER a week. I have not determined it's re-usefulness by giving it the "sniff" test (if it doesn't smell like urine than it passes the test!).

I did not reward myself for getting back to the gym last week by eating pizza, Mexican, Quizno's, and copious amounts of peanut M&M's and twizzlers, and birthday cake this weekend. That kind of diet is probably counter-productive to my 1/2 marathon goal right now.

I did not pretend to ignore the fact that I saw my 3 (almost 4!) year old eat smashed skittles off the pavement at the pool the other day. Those smooshed candies did not belong to us or anyone I know!

I did not forget to bring a bra and t-shirt to the pool the last time we were there and end up having to wear my wet swimsuit top to run errands in.

I did not let my whining 3 year old bring me to the brink of insanity last week. I most certainly did not find myself screaming empty threats at her like "You are gonna eat these pancakes and LIKE them or SO. HELP. ME.......".

I did not threaten my children with bodily harm if they made a scene at the school when I went to enroll them last week. You may remember what happened the first time I went through this enrolling process.......because I sure remember!

I did not just let my 10 month old tear apart the bag that contains all my breast pump parts just so that he would be entertained while I wrote this post. I am not also slightly amused that he keeps sucking on the squishy valves to said pump like they are going to eventually supply him with some sort of nutrients & then getting angry when he gets nothing out of them.

I did not just waste way too long on this "Not Me" post and run out of time to go the gym this morning....guess it will be a night trip to the gym today.

Sleeping Beauty

2009-08-06T13:38:00.004-05:00

*The Fab 4 White's*

When you don't always have the words...

So Much......

Golden Friendships!

First Day of School.

The Fantastic Fifth Birthday!

Weekend Deals & A Update

Give it a try!

Coupons!

31 facts about me.

Cover Me.

Chandler Turns 7!

The things you never anticipate.

The Wedding Weekend!

I've been thinking....

Going To The Pool...4 Little White's style!

Maybe if I just start writing again....

When the house is quiet....

No, I didn't fall into a black hole!

My random stream-of-consciousness thoughts for today.

Maya goes to the ER.

Washed By The Water

Balance!

10 years adds a little perspective.

I Kinda Miss The Snow...

McKenna and Daddy!

Christmas 2009 Pictures

The Nutcracker Ballet!

Christmas Cookies

New Stuff Coming Soon!

Adventures with Cinnamon Rolls...

Pumpkin Muffins!

Judah's new "Tricks"

My Baby turned 8!

Thanksgiving Recipes!

How He Loves Us.

Sick Day/ Turkey Day....My thoughts on both!

It's Cookie Season!

Lemon Rosemary Chicken

What's For Dinner-WEDNESDAY!

Happy Halloween.

Do You Make A Dinner Plan?

What's For Dinner....Thursday???

Pumpkin Patch!

You Never Let Go

Mr. Scary

Race Day!

1st Birthday Party.

The Birthday Story....

1 Amazing Year!

What we have been up to

For Such A Time As This.

MN Trip Part 2.

MN Trip...Part 1

Mama is tired!

Life sure can be messy at times!

My Big Preschooler!

First Day of School.

Not Me! Monday.

Maya is 4!

I'd need A Savior

Not Me, Monday!

Sleeping Beauty

The Fab 4 White's